262- 18 Wedding Planning Truths

by Aleisha

Wedding overwhelm can really take the wind out of your sails. You are putting all of your energy (and money) into planning something that you hope is going to be awesome but the deeper you get, the more you wonder can we actually pull this all off?
Well, join the crew! We all get stressed. We all consider eloping. We all have moments of thinking that the wedding is going to be a complete shitshow. 
In this post and episode of the Bridechilla Podcast, we ditch the airy fairy stuff and hit some hard and fast wedding planning truths. Covering everything from the gargantuan amount of wedding dresses on offer that all seem to look the same, why I believe wedding magazines are on the way out and your inevitable transition into becoming a Bridechilla politician, one of the many hats that you will wear over your wedding planning time.

Listen to episode 262 of Bridechilla

1. Selecting a dress from 4 million dresses that all appear to look the same.

Entering a bridal store without a plan, can be fun when you are in the 'I've never tried on a wedding dress before, so let's just go cray' phase but as you get in deeper to wedding planning and feel like you may never find your wedding day outfit, it can feel overwhelming...and sometimes Bridechillas even get confused after they make the purchase
Gather your favourite looks on Pinterest (try and stick to 10 looks) and be open to trying on a couple of wild card styles that may totally sweep you off your feet. Listen to this episode for more wedding dress help!

2. Avoiding trends is hard to do. Most weddings take over a year to plan.

I love the doughnut cake stack, smoke bombs and ombre dresses and I am certainly not saying don't incorporate those amazing trends into your wedding however with all of your wedding planning decisions, think about the meaning behind these decisions and pick the details that work with your theme and you as a couple! 

3. Reading contracts are boring but vital

How many times have you pressed 'Yes' on the itunes terms and conditions without reading them (me? every time) but when it comes to wedding and vendor contracts, you have a lot on the line, so it is very important that you spend the time to look over what they are offering and the terms and conditions of their service. Before you sign, before you agree to pay someone for their services, make sure that the contract is legit. Read this post to get you started.  

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4. Everyone has an opinion

It's great that your friend Nancy got married last year and is a wedding expert and your mother in law also got married 24 years ago and she is an expert at wedding details from the 90s however most couples reach a stage where they don't really want or need anymore advice and just need some quiet time watching House Of Cards, zoning out, not talking about weddings and thinking about a time where your mother didn't call 6 times a day to talk about table runners. 

5. Everything will cost more than you think

This is a fact. Set your expectations. Re-evaluate what you need and want and remember that your wedding day is going to be awesome regardless of what money you spend. Don't push yourself financially for a party, sure invest in it but stretching yourself into the red (or is it the black?) for a party is something I would never advise.  

6. You will threaten to elope 

If you find this wedding planning malarkey all a bit much and would perhaps prefer heading to a tropical destination with 10 people and spending your money on that instead, then genuinely considering eloping may be for you.
Bridechilla Graduate Erica eloped and then had a fabulous wedding party later, which totally took the heat of their wedding planning. Just remember, if you do bail on the wedding and decide to elope, it's not giving up or failing, it's doing what you want to do, to keep your sanity and not have to feel obliged to plan a big event, if it just isn't your scene. 

7. You will cry at stupid things

Stress is an amazing elixir of tears. I've cried about 20 times in my whole life (well maybe more and mostly on planes watching non sad movies...someone explain this to me!) but when we were wedding planning and it was all getting pretty full on, I think I cried about 17 times about ridiculously inane things.  

8. RSVPS will make you crazy

The bane of most couples existence is the returning of RSVP, that turns sane people into letterbox watching nuts. Why oh why is it so hard for people to return a card…even when you add a stamped self-addressed envelope, it seems that some people struggle to negotiate this task.The advice and support I can give during the frustrating waiting moments is breathe, don’t nag people until necessary and if it comes down to it, a polite push, (email, text, phone call) to ask if they received your invitation, will usually do the trick.

9. You will take on ridiculous DIY projects that in IRL you would balk at

Being a Bridechilla requires balance and knowing when to commit to a task and when to offload it to someone else. Don’t be a DIY hero if DIYing things is your worst nightmare. Pick projects that are pleasurable and that you find worthy of committing your precious time to (a valuable resource!). If you want the DIY look but don’t want to buy all of the stuff and learn the skills, support an artist or supplier on Etsy or hire a skilled person on Thumbtack or Fiverr to get the job down.

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10. You'll fight with your fiancé.

Pressure and stress make us say silly things, especially to those closest to you! We all have differences in options, but hopefully, you have followed the Bridechilla path to sanity and had a thorough conversation with your partner about expectations, wants vs. needs and what you both value, when it comes to the tone of the day and your budget. Fewer arguments happen when you are communicative, explain what you need and work together.

11. You will buy wedding magazines that you don’t need. Spoiler alert, they are advertising catalogues.

Wedding magazines are great, but I believe there are far better, niche inspiration than 'old media'. Wedding blogs, Instagram and Pinterest is far more appealing to me for eye candy and much easier to hone in on local suppliers for your wedding planning needs.

12. You may become temporarily enamoured with a ridiculous themes 

Themes are great, but they can also completely overtake all of your planning. Colour schemes and specific details that add fluidity and tie things together are helpful but spending 23 hours searching for the perfect coloured bow, or textured table cloth isn’t a great use of your time, and it’s highly unlikely that your guests will notice that the sash colour is three shades lighter than Bridesmaids matching shoes.

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13. You unwittingly become a politician.

The Bridechilla podcast shares ways to find your voice during wedding planning, empowering you to communicate without being too pushy but also using ensuring that you are tactful in getting your point across. There are a lot of moving parts to planning a wedding, both from a business and emotional perspective. You are working with family and friends, their needs are important but keeping in mind that this is a day celebrating your union and the most important factor is focusing on planning an authentic celebration that you will enjoy and not get involved in petty politics when you can avoid it.

14. No one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Fact.

Without doubt, your friends and family will be stoked to hear about the updates of your wedding plans, the ins and outs, the highs and lows but for your sanity (and theirs) it’s wonderful to step away from the wedding bubble and talk about other stuff, watch some TV, have a cocktail and remember life beyond vendors, dress fittings and guest lists.

15. Pinterest is a helpful enemy

I love Pinterest. It is a magical place filled with inspiration and projects and things that I want to own however it's also a place where you can become completely overwhelmed with choices and styled shoots and projects. Use Pinterest but pin with purpose. Keep things organised and if you are prone to Pinterest eating up for life, take the app off your phone, or set a reminder to visit the non-Pinterest world to experience some real life inspiration!

16. Don't believe the 'perfection' hype

The concept of the ‘best day of your life’ and planning a ‘perfect day’ is thrown around by the wedding press (and some vendors) like they are attainable.The day Rich and I were married was freaking fabulous, but I hope for both of our sakes, we have a bunch more ‘best days of our lives’ too. I didn’t want the wedding to be the peak of our existence and everything after to be a downward trajectory.Screw that! Focusing on making it an awesome day/weekend and ditching the pressure to make everything ‘perfect’ will make things so much easier and relieve ridiculous pressure that only impedes awesomeness!

17. Your wedding isn’t a competition. You don’t have to beat anyone.

Having your wedding featured on a blog or a Pinterest board is nice, but it’s not the be all and end all of your wedding. Recently I was privy to a conversation in a private Facebook group for wedding bloggers, where one of the members recounted a story about a pushy bride who wanted assurance that her wedding would be featured on the blog as she had already promised discounts to wedding vendors in exchange. She won no friends with this attitude (with her providers and bloggers), and it also left me feeling a bit sad that beyond anything, she was placing more worth in being featured on a wedding blog, rather than being present and enjoying the process.

18. Mistakes won't matter in the end.

Shit happens. Wedding planning can be a bumpy road, it’ll probably cost more than you thought, make you want to tear your hair out and flip a table, but ultimately little details mean nothing, hiccups are forgotten. As long as you stand with your fellow weirdo and declare your love in front of those who care about you the most, then your day will be memorable for all of the right reasons.

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