I'm already running into some etiquette things, and I'm not sure how to deal with them in the Bridechilla BS-free way. I'm pretty laid back, but etiquette is very important to me, especially with weddings.
So I'm wondering, what do I say when people congratulate us on our engagement, and then they slip in something like, "Oh, you better invite me to your wedding," or, "I'm going to be there even if I have to crash it."
To me, that seems rude to say. I understand that some people are just trying to be funny and supportive, but it's just awkward.
What do I say? What do I do? I'm the first among my friends to get engaged. I'm wondering, should I invite everybody, who asks to be invited? I feel like that's a pretty bold thing to do so they must really like me. I don't know. Help!
- Bridechilla Hanna
This is an inevitable part of wedding planning and happens to every couple at some point. Whether it is through social media comments, or the congratulatory phone calls that turn into assumptions about invite status... or even extra, uninvited guests written in on the RSVP cards.
And you know what? It does hurt to find out you aren't invited to a wedding when you thought you would be. Being the first of your close friends to get married means you might be the one breaking that news to a few folks.
While you and I may think it is rude for people to assume they are invited, they may not have realized there was a chance they wouldn't make the cut. For many years, the expectation was that people had huge weddings with everyone they know. Only recently have we started to trend toward smaller, more intimate weddings again.
If they invite themselves anyway even knowing they aren't on the list – that is just bad manners.
Social media can send mixed messages. Be aware of who is seeing your posts regarding the wedding and how often you are posting about your plans. If you have been blowing up Facebook with wedding planning play by plays, some of your pals may just assume they are invited.
Consider making a special filter for your wedding related posts and updates, or confine these updates to a group or event page for your wedding guests. This way you are not sending mixed messages to friends or family who will not be invited.
If someone asks you if they are invited to the wedding, but they are not on your list, do not give in and add them because you feel guilty. Blame your budget of your venue size if you have to! Your friend might be disappointed, but they will likely get over it. We are all adults here.
About the Author: Erica Greenwold Reisen is the lead planner and designer at Folie à Deux Events. She specializes in authentic, unique events for couples who like to challenge traditions and do their own thing. She is the founder and editor of Secularly Wed, a wedding blog dedicated to meaningful, non-religious wedding planning. You may have seen Erica around the Bridechilla community as she is also part of our team here at the show, managing marketing partnerships and blog submissions.