Part 2 of Your Wedding Regrets, where we talk family wedding regrets, which includes allowing them to have to have too much control and input, money not starting to save early enough and jumping into vendor agreements sooner than necessary out of FOMO.
Catch up on Part 1 here.
Listen to episode 304 of Bridechilla
Wished they hadn't made decisions so quickly
I regret letting the stress of ‘good vendors get booked out quickly’ get to me, narrowing down a vision and decisions way too quickly and booking a package at a resort in a convenient location for guests (although destination wedding). The more I think about it the more I wish I would’ve spent the money on a wedding planner (I’ve come too far after putting in hours weekly for a year) and organized a beautiful villa wedding in a quiet location instead. Stressing about all the ‘randos’ at the resort standing around watching our wedding.
I also wish I would’ve joined some good communities specific to our destination earlier, so I could hear from real people what it’s like and what my options were.
I also regret letting wedding planning take over my life for 1 year, should’ve balanced things more and just enjoyed being engaged (especially now with a recent concerning diagnosis, as none of the aesthetic parts matter in the big picture).
"The more I think about it the more I wish
I would’ve spent the money on a wedding planner"
I got so caught up in the excitement that I made basically every decision super quickly!
The date I originally wanted for my venue was fully booked for 2018, so that sent me into panic mode, and I began quickly making LOTS of very expensive decisions. At this point, I'm still really happy with everything planned... but definitely thinking, "Wait, why aren't we just eloping?"
Photo by Everton Vila
A shorter engagement would have been ideal
Honestly, I would actually plan the wedding sooner (like made it only a 6-8 month engagement). Most of our big decisions were quick and made with our gut within the first few weeks of getting engaged and we’ve been really happy with those choices. The decisions that we’ve had time to go back and forth on have caused way more stress. I think I’m just ready to get married now.
I wish that we had basically chose to do a larger dinner party celebration at a nice restaurant instead of a full blown reception. Although we definitely would’ve had to downsize the guest list, which we also didn’t want to do (we will still only have around 80-100). I also wish we had started budgeting from the beginning much better.
"I also wish we had started budgeting from the beginning much better"
I wouldn't have let my mother guilt me into:
- Wearing a veil (she paid for it, but it was a total waste)
- Having a bouquet (and a traditional one at that - should have just gone with my idea of a "clutch bouquet" and made my own with a few statement flowers I stuck on a clutch purse)
- Staying at her place the night before instead of the hotel (she's "more comfortable" getting ready in her own home- I saw it as her "sneaky" way to have a night alone with me)
- Hiring a car to take us to the venue (she paid because she wanted it, but again, TOTAL waste)
- Having a 4pm start on a Sunday. Half our guests left early. I thought they might stay because we have a lot of guests with "alternative schedules" but I was wrong. Many were gone by the last hour or so. She thought she needed all that time to "get ready" (wtf? I'm the BRIDE and I could have been ready for it)
I regret the amount of time and energy I wasted when my parents made me feel like getting married on a Friday was a travesty. It dominated me and my FH's headspace for far too long and it's not even a topic of discussion or thought anymore. I should've just said "that's what we're doing" from the start and not allowed my parents narcissistic behaviors and rudeness get me all worked up.
"I wish I would have asked her (FMIL) early on what type of expectations she had for the wedding so I could KNOW THEM"
While there is still accountability on my FMIL and not just myself, I wish I would have asked her early on what type of expectations she had for the wedding so I could KNOW THEM and decide what FH and I would do. I would have preferred that to her turning people against us because we aren't doing what she believes is appropriate.
Sharing details with too many people
Sharing the details when asked by co-workers, family etc... because EVERYONE has a different opinion on EVERYTHING.
"I've learned to shrug it off and say
'We haven't gotten that far yet' which works like a charm"
Photo by Everton Vila
Bigger isn't always better
We talked ourselves into having the big local wedding because I knew my parents couldn’t afford the trip to a Caribbean destination wedding. With paying for their travel and knowing a lot of my family would come, the cost was almost the same. Fast forward a year later, we are spending more on the big wedding here and sometimes I wish we had just gone with the beach wedding we wanted and invited a small number of people. In the 6 months before our May date my fiancé started a new job, we bought a house, we are renovating said house, my fiancé is finishing school and will graduate 2 weeks before the ceremony. With so much going on, it would have been less stressful and easier on our wallets to have done our small wedding on the beach.
"I regret letting my wedding get as big as it did."
I regret letting my wedding get as big as it did. I have trouble standing up for myself and advocating for what I want, and with a headstrong FMIL. Not so great. She tacked on a bunch of church friends at the very end of the invite process, after invites were printed. I told her no, but she said she'd already given them a Save the Date. (She asked me for a few extra to frame or put in scrapbooks...) So ultimately I would end up putting a strict limit on invites.