The fuck it bucket is where you put all of the jobs and things and things to buy you thought you would get around to doing before your wedding but have run out of time or care. These items are tasks are things you thought would be important at the early stages of planning but now…bye!
The fuck it bucket is back in this brand new episode of Bridechilla, this time I asked our Bridechilla Directory members to share what they recommend their clients to put in the fuck it bucket.
This episode is a great follow up to the original and will give you lots more to think about when it comes to what is important to you!
Listen to the episode and be sure to check out our vendor tips in the blog.
I think you should throw literally everything directly in the Fuck it Bucket for starters, and then, sit down with your partner and decide what kind of wedding you want to have. Only after you've figured that out, dig through the Fuck it Bucket and pull out just the things that apply to you and leave everything else, and everyone else's expectations, right there in the bucket.
Aisle Less Traveled- Cindy Savage
Image By Sharma Shari
More and more of my couples are deciding to not waste the money on the favors. They're already throwing this amazing party for their family and friends. So the two things that I've seen is either they don't do anything or they do something edible, right, that you can take and just not clutter or anything like that. Or the other thing that I've been seeing a lot is they take that money and they donate it. They donate to their favorite charity like soup kitchen or cancer research or whatever it is that's very important to them.
I would love to add last-minute DIY decorations to the Fuck it Bucket. So many of you are stressed as fuck with getting the last-minute crafts done, burning your fingers with hot glue, and crying over your crafts. My recommendation is to not do that. Make a list of your must-haves and your list of "If it happens, it happens." Prioritize that shit, and let it go. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.Also, don't do any crafts the morning of your wedding. Just don't.
one more thing you can add to the fuck-it bucket, in our opinion, would have to be the programs.
Because in all honesty, people just leave them on their seats after the ceremony, and generally, you'd have some much of them left unused, that's it's just wasteful. Most people won't need it, because the date-of coordinator would guide the guests to where they need to be, and at the right time. Also, people might be looking at the schedule instead of the couple. And like the saying goes, you should not anticipate, you should participate.
Jon Warlick Media- Wedding Film
Image by Kivus and Camera
It's definitely important that you want your friends and family to have a good time, and that's really what we look for in our couples, are people who want to have a lot of fun in their weddings. But don't let your friends and family dictate your wedding planning process.
At the end of the day, the wedding is about the two of you and your love, so you really should be doing things that reflect what you value in life, and what you value in one another. Maybe that means you're incorporating something that 99% of people would never consider, or maybe it means you're cutting out something that everybody else does. And that's awesome because that's what makes the wedding yours. Don't just do something because you saw it on Pinterest, or because your mom wants you to do it. Don't worry about what other people think. If it doesn't suit your personalities, then fuck it.
if a client were to ask me what thing should I chuck out, what things should I not worry about, I would have to say that's tradition. While traditions can be super beautiful and amazing and can really help you personalize your day, it can also alienate you from your wedding day because they don't represent you. Like, walking with your dad down the aisle, or having somebody say readings at your ceremony, saying speeches, doing the first dance first, doing the ceremony before the reception. There's all these traditions and rules and regulations that are seen as commonplace in the wedding day.
I feel like those are the things we need to chuck, or at least those are the things we need to analyze a little bit more closely, and then, ask yourself, why am I doing this? Are you doing it because it's tradition? Are you doing it because you couldn't imagine your wedding day without it? Are you doing it because there's familiar pressure on that specific tradition? You got to stop and ask yourself why you're doing these things that everyone is doing. While it's not bad to do it, we just need to put in under a magnifying glass and just really make sure that it's who we are.
When working with our couples as well, whether it's partial planner or day of coordination, we make sure that we ask them about all the traditions and see what traditions are important to them. But if they're like, "Oh, I haven't even thought about it," and we're a month out from their wedding, it's like, "Well, is it important to you? Is this something that you need? Because it's good to know that it exists, but if you don't need it, let's just toss it." Being able to make informed decisions about which traditions you're tossing, is very empowering.
ThistleBEA your wedding - DIY wedding planning
Image by Leanne Sim
The thing I would like you to all throw in the Fuck it Bucket, and this might be a hard one for you, for some of you at least, is the idea that it is just the "bride's day". I put that in quotes because you get married and that takes two people. In some weddings, there is no bride, and some women don't feel like brides, and on and on and on. There's plenty of reasons why there might not be a bride per se.
But that idea also is harmful to us just in the sense that by putting it all on the bride and making it all about the bride, we're also putting all of the emotional labor and all of the decisions and all the pressure on the bride. So, yes, when people say, "Oh, it's your day," they are celebrating you, but also it's reinforcing this gender stereotype that women care about pretty, frilly things, and that women are going to be doing the bulk of the wedding planning and that they should be doing that, when really wedding planning should be a thing that is taken on as a partnership.
So set yourself up for really strong partnership by splitting the work, splitting the decisions, and really making this wedding not just about you, but about your partner as well in equal measure. Call your vendors out. If you see them referring to it as the bride's day, or if they refer to "their brides" instead of "their couples" when talking about other couples they work with, just be aware of this. Let's help and kind of move this industry in a more egalitarian direction.
Image by Edit Vasadi
The first thing that could go in your FIB is any type of setup that you wouldn't have for the sake of having perfect pictures taken. A lot of times, photographers want you to move to a certain area or do certain things, just so the picture is going to look perfect.
I know that I'm talking against myself because I'm going to make my job harder. I just feel like once somebody starts to direct you, you are going to get out of that moment, out of that emotional feeling of, "Okay, I'm getting married. I'm putting my wedding dress on. The time is finally here." You switch your mindset thinking of, "Oh, this is actually a photo shoot."
I think photos are for you to remember that day. You're not photographing for a magazine. You're photographing so you are documenting the wedding. When you have kids and you want to talk to them about the wedding and you're going to look at that photo, you can now remember of that moment as why that was meaningful to you, not because, "Oh, the photographer just told me to step out in front of the building because it's prettier."
Not everyone is going to sit through and watch their hour-long full ceremony. We believe that having the key best parts of the ceremony wrapped up within the highlight, which we also provide, is probably what you're going to want to watch. Especially if it's like a Catholic wedding, you probably don't need to see what the First and Second Readings were and the Gospel and the Homily and all this that it's just like a normal Mass.
Really, the highlight is that it's an emotionally-driven piece that should capture what you really care about, and your wedding video appreciates over time. We hope that the first time you sit down and watch it is going to be an experience in itself, you know, cozying up on the couch with a glass of wine and your partner. But then, 10 years down the line, that's when it becomes real special. You get to see the people that were there who have changed, that are no longer around so it's great to create a shorter more succinct video that captures the essence of the day.
Image by Autumn Harrison Photography
The tradition I would like to trash is the guestbook. I had a guestbook for my wedding, a traditional guestbook, and it lived on my bookshelf for about a year. Then, we moved, and it went into a box. Five years since that move, it's still in that box. So my suggestion, either trash it completely, put that guestbook in your Fuck it Bucket. Or, if you really want guests to sign something, choose something that you would want out in your home anyway. A piece of art, a quilt, a game, something you would have in your home, whether it had signatures on it or not. It'll just make that item more meaningful. But having a book that has nothing in it but signatures, like you went to Disney World to get autographs from Mickey and Minnie? No. Fuck it Bucket.
As far as ceremonies go, I'm a big believer in putting tradition in the Fuck it Bucket. That doesn't mean that you can't have a beautiful and meaningful ceremony. It means that you should have a ceremony that reflects the two of you. If you want to include a unity ritual, you don't have to do the unity candle. Do it if you like it, but I've had couples include all sorts of unique alternatives. I've had two brides who mixed a cocktail during the ceremony. They were recreating the love potion they drank on the night they met.
Another couple did a community blessing ritual where guests were given little packets of Legos and asked to make a wish while holding the packets. The Legos were collected and the couple later used them to build the Lego beach house. I've also had couples who did a tree planting, sipped beer, ate cookies, and even shared pancakes. Bottom line, if something isn't meaningful to you, don't do it just because you're supposed to. It's your wedding. You're not supposed to do anything except marry the person you love. So dump the traditions you don't like, and have a little fun.