325- Rethinking Using Wedding Traditions

When it comes to wedding traditions, can you have your wedding cake and eat it too? Of course you can. Now grab your cake bib and let’s get eating. Just as it takes people to start traditions, it takes people to end them. You are those people. You are tradition trailblazers, pioneers of new, non-hokey wedding customs!

Historically the world of weddings is choc a block with old-timey superstitious from yesteryear. When we delve deeper into their beginnings, it’s puzzling to see why we have clung on to them for so long…this episode of The Bridechilla Podcast features some suggestion about wedding traditions that you can ditch or make your own!

Listen to the episode

A Word About Traditions...

Before we jump in, I encourage you to remember that everything I talk about in this episode (and on the Bridechilla Podcast in general) are just suggestions… take whatever you want from it, leave the rest.

I'm certainly not passing judgment. If find yourself including all of traditions that I suggest might be worth you throwing in the Fuck It Bucket, that’s great.

Or, if you do want to feature them, find a way to add a little bit of you, a bit of Rebecca, a bit of Jane, a bit of Peter (insert your name HERE). Consider what traditions mean to you. If they don't have meaning, either find meaning in them or get rid of them or tweak them to create your own traditions.
*If you are looking for tips on how to add non-traditional traditions to your wedding, I highly recommend you checking out this post and listen to episode 287 of The Bridechilla Podcast. 

Where Did Wedding Traditions start? 

The origins of many traditions are based on superstitions. Often the purpose of tradition was connected to avoiding demons, stopping ‘evil’ people/devils and other weirdos invading bodies and stealing people/their soul/their free will etc.

It’s pretty quirky shit.

We only really have bridesmaids because people believed that by lining up a bunch of similarly dressed women, it would confuse the evil spirits. Dummies!

Which one to take?
They all looks the same!
I give up!

We Carry Bouquets, Not Because They're pretty But Because...

In episode 117 of The Bridechilla Podcast, Celebrant Holly Smith, shared the history of women carrying bouquets at weddings, they're gorgeous to look at, but do you remember why they originally came around? It's because the brides stank, they hadn't had a bath in weeks. It was to hide the spew and the poo smells.
 So the history of why we carry gorgeous bunches of flowers isn't as glamorous as a lot of us initially thought!

Photo by Mikayla Herrick

Ditching Stuffy, Wordy Introductions On Wedding Invitations

If you want to spend some time reading some crazy shit on wedding forums, go and read some threads about ‘appropriate wording’ on wedding invitations. People really get worked up particularly when it comes to acknowledging some of the more complicated parental situations like blended families, step families, foster parents, adopted parents, parents who aren’t talking to you.

Do you add them to the invitation? Or leave them off? People get really bitchy about the formality, with a very common response to anyone doing something a little different being, "Well, that's not the etiquette!"
(Like she's done some course in etiquette? I don't think so Sally).

When I read those posts, I sometimes get a little bit angry and then I have to leave and have a vodka soda and just take a moment to think about the fact that those people have spent all that time getting angry at total strangers on the internet.

I digress.  When you are in a modern situation, especially if your parents aren't ‘hosting’ the wedding e.g. aren’t wedding donors, (contributing money to the event), and even if they are, please remember, it's your wedding day and if it isn’t particularly formal, or you have drama attached to how to introduce parents on a wedding invitation, leave them off altogether.

Mr and Mrs Jones Cordially invite you to blah blah
Mr and Mr Jones (and his new girlfriend Eileen) request the honor of your presence…

You're not from Downtown Abbey. It's not necessary to add all of the extra fluff and tbh your guests don’t give a shit.

  • When they read them, they're really just skimming thinking
  • When’s this all happening?
  • Where's it happening?
  • How much time have I got up my sleeve to plan my outfit?
  • How drunk am I going to get?
  • Where am I going to stay that weekend? 

That's what they think about when they read your wedding invitation. They might think at the top, "Sorry, that's a lovely invitation, I'm so glad they've invited me. They're such a great couple." You're hoping that's what they're going to say. They're not reading going, 
"Mr. And Mrs. Tony Blah Blah, cordially," ... cordially? What does that even mean? 

For more on invitation episode, be sure to listen to episode 323 of The Bridechilla Podcast and read the accompanying show notes.

Photo by Ben Waardenburg

Kids At Weddings

Kids at weddings. Some kids are adorable, some are really fun and lovely. Many are not. If you are planning to invite your three-year-old niece to walk down the aisle wearing a sign, or carrying a ring, you have to be ready for that kid to shit their pants and scream, or cry, or roll down the aisle. Kids are unpredictable. Fact.
So, unless the kid you are planning to use is a little performer and you are really confident that they aren't going to be freaked out by big crowds because it can be quite overwhelming for a small child to be pushed down an aisle in front of a bunch of strangers.

Also the logistics of having kids involved (especially if you are having a child-free reception) can also be annoying.  What's going to happen to the kid afterwards? Do you whisk them off to another room, lock them in a car? (JOKES), does someone come and collect them?

I say consider rethinking the traditional flower girl/ ring bearer kid, if you want to avoid a potential poo pants meltdown and have one less thing to worry about on the day.

Show image by Bin Thiều

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(1) comment

Louise June 19, 2018

Bookmarking this to listen to later! Making and breaking wedding traditions is one of my favourite topics and an underlying theme at our own wedding a few years back.

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