346-4 Toxic relationship killers and how to avoid them

by Aleisha
Bridechilla Podcast

Wedding planning is such a happy time. You are celebrating your love with family and friends through a special, meaningful ceremony. However, your wedding day is just the beginning. It’s a one time event, while a marriage lasts for a lifetime. So how can you set your marriage up for success? On today’s Bridechilla podcast, guest Kristen Rocco, founder of Love Notery, joins Aleisha to discuss keeping your marriage strong before it starts by avoiding toxic relationship killers. Listen to this episode to hear some great advice for how to have a successful, long lasting marriage.

Listen to episode 364 of Bridechilla

Changing your marriage mindset

Marriage takes work. Just like practicing a sport or talent, you have to work on your marriage to make it better. Only through mutual investment will your marriage get stronger. Especially early in marriage, there are a lot of potential stressors that can impact the marriage. There are also habits and patterns that can develop which can be harmful to long term harmony. During this episode, Kristen Rocco shares her mission of helping people with their marriage mindset. She shares stories and advice from her research and experience that can benefit anyone hoping to have a happy, long-lasting marriage.  

4 toxic relationship behaviors

According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman institute, there are four toxic relationship behaviors that, if they exist in a marriage, can predict divorce 90% of the time. While that may seem daunting, the good news is you can take steps before your marriage even starts to sidestep these behaviors. Having a healthy marriage isn’t an unattainable dream. It can be a reality for you and your partner. During this episode, Kristen talks about all 4 behaviors, the ways in which they can negatively impact your relationship, and what steps to take to counteract these destructive tendencies.

How to stop the damage before it starts

Each of the four behaviors that Kristen discusses with Aleisha in this episode can have adverse effects on your relationship with your partner. She talks about criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and how each one presents particular issues that, left unaddressed, can cause long-lasting damage. Reframing how you communicate with your spouse and working toward quick resolution is important. Using examples from her own marriage and experience, Kristen gives advice for how to spot those behaviors and cut them off before they become habit. Hear more during this great interview.

Keys to keeping your marriage strong before it starts

Even though you may not even be married yet, it is a good idea to begin thinking about the four toxic behaviors before they start. It is important to know your tendencies and address them. Everyone brings their own experience, expectations and baggage into the marriage. And they don’t just go away once you are married. In fact, they most often will be amplified. However, you and your partner can start off on the right foot. Listen to the keys Kristen gives during this episode and apply them so that you can keep your marriage strong before it starts.

Show Highlights

  • [0:39] Introduction of Kristen Rocco, founder of Love Notery.
  • [3:43] The potential for conflict in the first few years of marriage and the importance of learning to deal with it.
  • [5:57] Kristen explains how she started the new journey working on the marriage mindset
  • [10:14] There are four toxic behaviors that can derail a relationship.  
  • [18:40] Kristen talks about whether or not her marriage is on the path she thought it would be.
  • [21:52] The antithesis of respect and how it can damage a relationship
  • [27:54] Defeating defensiveness by taking responsibility for your actions
  • [31:23] Shutting down a crucial conversation through stonewalling

Memorable Quotes

  • “Up to the first three years, that’s where you are most likely to have conflict, and that conflict that actually causes really big problems in your relationship. So those early years of marriage are critical to being happy and successful in the long term.”
  • “The key to the real housewives is them not doing what we’ve just spoken about and it’s always remembering, always having the receipts, and always bring it up at the reunion and never letting anyone forget.”
  • “When you have that mutual respect for each other, your relationship is set up for success.”
  • “Holding onto stuff is not good. It’s not healthy.”
  • “We’re not just here for the ONE day. We are really here for a happy marriage.”

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Kristen Rocco is the founder of Love Notery, a company that seeks to personalize the wedding planning process more personal. Kristen found that she could use her writing and storytelling skills to write love stories for couples. Her goal is to bring their love story into their wedding day to share with family and friends. Her writing serves to preserve that story for years to come. She also coaches people how to write their own wedding vows through Love Notery. She is now working on helping couples start their marriages off right through The Marriage Mindset. 

Listen to episode 364 of Bridechilla

Thanks to Our Bridechilla Partners

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Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

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