359- Family Matters- Bridechilla Q&A

by Aleisha

Anytime you have a gathering that involves both immediate and extended family, there is a high likelihood that you will have to deal with family matters. We all have weird and difficult family members. Planning a wedding and inviting them means that family drama of some kind is probably going to happen. On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Aleisha answers questions from the Bridechilla community about how to manage these important relationships while still having the wedding you and your couple want. Tune in to be encouraged by the struggles of other Bridechillas and hear Aleisha’s great advice. 

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Cut off the drama with crucial conversations

Families come in all shapes and sizes. There are unique personalities that can create incredible variety, diversity, and often drama. With extended family, issues can often be avoided. But what happens when drama arises with you or your spouse’s parents? Bridechilla Holly asks about her family dynamics and how to deal with family members who don’t get along. One key to dealing with family drama is being willing to have difficult conversations. Listen to Aliesha’s advice to cut off drama with crucial conversations.

“I certainly wouldn’t have felt less married if I hadn’t changed my name. I have so many girlfriends who haven’t gone through the name changing process, who have no interest in changing their name, and are just as married as the rest of us.

Playing the name game

When planning to get married, couples have to decide what they are going to do about their names. Will the bride be taking the groom’s last name in a traditional fashion?  Or will you do something different? Bridechilla Kate is a feminist who is trying to decide whether she is going to take her partner’s last name, use a hyphen, or keep her name. Regardless of what you decide to do, it’s important to remember that you aren’t less married if you don’t go through the name changing process. Name changing or any wedding tradition should be adapted to work for you. Be true to yourself when navigating this crucial decisions.

“If parents are contributing then, yes, invite them along for opinions and invite them to be a part of it. But it doesn’t mean that they automatically buy a controlling decision in your wedding.”

How to ask Mom and Dad for money?

Parents can be incredibly helpful in planning a wedding. They can be a great sounding board during the many decisions that have to be made. And often, they can provide much needed financial support. But what if your parents haven’t readily offered their assistance? Is there a way to tactfully ask for money? Kathryn from South Africa would like for her parents to help pay for the wedding but they haven’t specified how much that are willing to contribute. She asks Aleisha how to approach the subject so that she can move forward in planning with a realistic budget.
*There is plenty of advice about how to work with wedding donors (parents) in this episode of Bridechilla and in the Bridechilla Survival Guide.

“We’ve all got our own weirdo parents. We love them... Some of them.”

Photo by Eliza Szablinska

Buying controlling interest in your wedding

Bridechilla Ann had a question about parents and money too, however her situation is a bit different. Her parents offered to help pay for the wedding but after finding out Ann and her fiance’s plans, they started to criticize their decisions. Does a financial investment necessarily mean that parents have a say in the wedding plans? Dealing with family drama while balancing the stress of planning a wedding can be difficult. If you find yourself in the midst of family matters during your wedding planning, fear not, you are not alone. Listen to this episode to hear from other Bridechillas that are in the same situation and be encouraged by Aliesha’s advice.

“If you are on a website and you are finding a gown that’s normally two grand and you’re finding it for $250, it’s probably counterfeit and it’s probably being made by kids in some sort of shitty awful hellhole.”

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [0:12] This episode is a Q&A episode, where Aleisha answers question from the Bridechilla community. This episode has a theme of parental involvement in wedding planning
  • [2:18] Holly asks how to handle inviting family members from both sides who do not get along.
  • [7:01] Kate from Nebraska asks what to do about balancing her feminism with get taking her partner’s last name
  • [14:31] Kathryn from South Africa wants to know how to ask parents to contribute financially to the wedding.
  • [20:13} Kathryn’s second question deals with how to be sure you are buying from a reputable online retailer.
  • [27:48] Ann’s parents originally seemed on board to help with wedding cost, but then criticised their plans and tried to change the type of wedding that she and her fiance want to have.
  • [32:21] Aleisha gives advice for how to deal with controlling parents while planning your wedding
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