367- Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels

by Aleisha

On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson  talk about their book “The New I Do: Reshaping marriage for skeptics, realists and rebels.” Many couples spend a great deal of time planning the wedding day without giving a lot of thought to what happens after the event ends. The reality is, after the wedding the real work of being married begins. Marriage takes work and can often be difficult. Both people bring their own history, expectations and baggage to a marriage. How can you have a successful marriage? And what exactly is the measure of success in marriage? Susan, Vicki and Aleisha discuss all of that and much more during this episode. 

Listen to episode 367 of Bridechilla

What is a normal marriage?

Everyone has their own idea of what a marriage could or should look like. Often, this vision of marriage is more of a fairy tale than reality. There are also societal constructs that have imposed a definition of a normal marriage. As the time and ethos changes around the world, perhaps it is time for a new, better definition of what a normal marriage looks like. And perhaps the reality is that there is no such thing as normal. Every individual and couple is different and can define normal in different ways. During this episode, guests Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson encourage couples to ignore the social demands and determine for themselves the type of marriage that works for them.

We just want people to have more conversations going in and more conversations throughout the marriage about what each wants from the marriage and from each other.

How to have a successful marriage

No one gets married hoping it will fail. Most couples get married with the age-old phrase “Til death do us part” as the goal for their marriage. While being married for life is a great aspiration, what if that doesn’t work for some couples. People change over time. Priorities and personalities can shift. Success in a marriage may not mean til death due us part. Could it be that some marriages are a success if they last only for a season of time? This podcast will encourage couples to evaluate their definition of success and avoid being overwhelmed by the pressure of a lifelong partnership. 

Photo by Alex Holyoake

What is a prenup and should you have one?

You have probably heard about prenuptial agreements between wealthy or famous couples. But what exactly is a prenuptial agreement and should you have one in place before you get married? While it can sound like a backup plan to the marriage actually working, Susan and Vicki argue that prenups create an open door for important conversations to happen before the wedding. They can be used as a roadmap or marital plan that will help you think through how you will deal with life’s big decisions together. Hear their reasons for considering a prenup during this interview.

What we would really like to see is couples to realize that they can individualize their marriage so that they can decide what will be a successful marriage for them. Ane when more people start realizing that you’ll start to see more happy couples

Marrying consciously

Vicki and Susan write in their book “The New I Do” that 10% of first marriages don’t make it past the fifth year. What is the cause of these short term marriages? Vicki and Susan encourage couples to marry more consciously by asking the question why. Why do you want to get married? What is your motivation? Determining why you want to get married will help reveal some of the overt and covert pressures that can come from society and family about the need to be married and how the marriage should function. It can also help couples decide what model of marriage will work best for them. Listen to this episode to hear about that and so much more on the Bridechilla podcast episode 367 with guests Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson

Photo by sept commercial 

Listen to episode 367 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [0:31] Aleisha introduces guests Susan Peace Gadoua and Vicki Larson who wrote “The New I Do” and discusses the new realities of marriage
  • [2:47] The interview begins with how Susan and Vicki started writing their book
  • [5:48] Is “‘til death do us part” the only marker of a successful marriage?
  • [8:16} vicki tells the story of her parent’s relationship and how they took a nontraditional approach to their marriage.
  • [12:20] There are many different forms of marriage yet the traditional mindset remains. How can that mindset be shifted?
  • [16:06} What are prenuptial agreements and how can they be beneficial when getting married?
  • [21:26} How can you start the conversation with your partner about expectations and wants about the marriage?
  • [28:55] Vicki and Susan talk about marrying more consciously.
  • [32:00] Why do people get married at all? Why don’t we just live together? And what do they mean by occupy marriage?
  • [34:45] Rather than just planning a perfect wedding day, you should consider how it’s going to work after the wedding day.
  • [38:54] Where Vicki and Susan stand on marriage after writing the book and what they hope to see for the future of marriage. 

Meet This Episode’s Guests

Susan Pease Gadoua is a licensed therapist in the San Francisco area. She specializes in helping couples, connect, reconnect, or disconnect. She has written several books about marriage and divorce and has been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, the Washington Post and a host of other publications. She has also appeared on the CBS Early Show and A View From the Bay. 

Vicki Larson is an award winning journalist, freelance writer and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area. She has been featured in The Huffington Post, ModernMom.com and many other publications. She is the mother of two young men and has been divorced twice. 

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by taylor hernandez

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