Want to talk about sex? On this episode of the Bridechilla Podcast we are going to do just that. Guests Caitlin and Michael Doemner join the show to talk about their book Sex Every Day and how they developed a way to prioritize pleasure in their marriage. Busy lives, hectic schedules, unhealthy attitudes and negative past experiences hinder an active and pleasurable sex life. Cailin and Michael share tips for how to open up the conversation and get on the road to a better sex life.
Listen to episode 368 of Bridechilla
Removing barriers that prevent conversations about sex
When two people join in marriage, they each bring their own set of histories and expectations to the marriage, and particularly to the bedroom. It can be difficult to get on the same page in regard to sex. The first step is to have open communication with each other about your wants and desires. However, talking about sex can be awkward. One unique way that Caitlin suggests to start the conversation is by coming up with a menu. Couples can talk about what they would like each day by discussing what they want from the menu. Using creative conversation starters can help remove some of the barriers that stand in the way of healthy communication about sex.
One thing that has been really helpful for us, inside of our bedroom, letting go of that right/wrong, good/bad languaging and instead saying “more or less pleasurable"
How to have sex everyday
Caitlin and Michael have sex everyday. But having sex doesn’t always have to involve intercourse. It is more about experiencing intimacy with your partner everyday. Even when one person might feel tired or sick, there are still opportunities to express and experience intimacy with one another. The key to sex everyday is to prioritize pleasure within the marriage. Listen to this episode to hear great advice for how to do that and much more.
Better sex begins with better conversations
In some traditions and backgrounds, talking about sex is taboo. Some religious traditions associate sex with shame. But if you can’t talk about it with your partner, how will you ever know how to serve and please one another? Couples should seek to create a safe place where sex can be talked about openly. Removing the right/wrong or good/bad language from the conversation can help alleviate shame from the conversation. With time and practice you’ll eventually see progress in your communication and participation with sex.
One of the things that Caitlin and I base our lives on is radical personal responsibility and really just owning every piece of your life.
What are your sex goals?
When it comes to sex or any other aspect of your relationship, how do you define success? Zig Ziglar says, “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” Having goals in marriage will help your relationship progress to greater intimacy and pleasure. The first goal should be to prioritize your spouse, considering their wants and needs above your own. Michael and Caitlin talk about their commitment to radical personal responsibility. They also discuss how intentionality fuels intimacy in marriage. Hear all about that and much more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.
Listen to episode 368 of Bridechilla
[0:40] Introduction of guests Caitlin and Michael Doemner, authors of Sex Every Day
[3:37] Michael and Caitlin talk about how they started off in their marriage and how they approached the conversation of sex.
[7:44] What led to writing a book about sex?
[11:59] How to overcome the times when you don’t have the energy to pursue intimacy with your partner.
[15:16] Success in marriage begins by being intentional about investing time and energy in your relationship.
[22:43] Our background and personal history affects the way we deal with sex in marriage.
[28:13] Recognizing where your perception and perspective comes from in regard to what is right and wrong about sex
[34:13] How to connect with Caitlin and Michael and the communities they offer for coaching and help.
Meet Caitlin & Michael Doemner
Caitlin & Michael Doemner met in high school... but they went their own ways after graduation. They reconnected and got married in 2008 with Michael's six year old son as a groomsman. They have been happily married for over ten years and have continued to have sex every day, despite having three more babies and building several successful businesses together!In their new book Sex Every Day Caitlin & Michael share the 3-step process they use to prioritize sex in their marriage. You can purchase their book at www.SexEveryDayBook.com
With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners
Show image by Toa Heftiba