Guest Post by Young Hip & Married- Erica and Shawn Miller
On episode 300, we joined Aleisha to talk about how couples should be planning for a lifetime together, not just an awesome one-day wedding. After all, what good is an amazing wedding without an amazing marriage to back it up?
But how do you make sure you don’t lose sight of your marriage while planning your wedding? Check out these 10 tips to keep your lifelong partnership top of mind, even when you’re busy picking napkin colors or deciding who will sit next to Great Uncle Harold (with the bad breath).
Listen to episode 315 of Bridechilla
1 - Include both partners
Just like your marriage, your wedding should be a combination of both of you - both of your wants, both of your needs and both of your ideas. Wedding planning should be both of you sitting down together and working towards your common goal. Of course, you might not want to do everything together; your sweetie may want to skip your dress fitting, for example. But your overall vision for the day and how you split up tasks should be a joint decision.
2 - Practice compromising
Marriage is all about compromising. And that starts with your wedding planning. If your partner can’t imagine walking down the aisle without his parents but you really wanted the two of you to walk in together, you sit down and find a compromise. You want to have a live band and she prefers a DJ. He wants a carving station and you want a seafood station. You’re country and she’s a little bit rock n’ roll. It’s all about compromising! Every time you compromise with one another and come to a decision, just think of it as good practice for all the compromising still to come.
3 - Set ground rules for family & finances
Two huge parts of marriage are dealing with family and dealing with finances. Funny enough, these are also two huge aspects of planning a wedding. Putting together a budget for your wedding is just practice for the household budget you’ll need in your marriage. And if you think your mother-in-law is being a diva now, just wait until you’re buying a house, having kids or taking over Thanksgiving dinner. Decide how you want to tackle these issues together. Don’t sweep anything under the rug because it will come up again. You can’t escape your families and your finances!
4 - Rely on each other
Supporting your spouse is a huge part of marriage. And that can be especially important during wedding planning. Seek out your spouse-to-be when you need comfort, need to vent or need a shoulder to cry on. Learn how to best pick one another up when you’re feeling down. Wedding planning can be stressful and isolating - but remember you have a teammate who is right there with you.
5 - Consider your guest list
We all know what Aleisha says - no obligation guests! But take this one step further and ask yourself: is this someone we want to be a part of the start of our marriage? Is this someone we love who loves us back? Is this someone who supports our relationship and will support our marriage? Is this someone we want to be part of our married life?
6 - Don’t underestimate your vows
The wedding ceremony often gets under-prioritized but we truly believe it’s the most important part of the day. It’s when you actually become a married couple; without it, your wedding is just an expensive party. Your vows should be the foundation of your marriage. These are the promises you are making to one another that will set the path forward for your married life. Take the time to write or pick vows that are perfect for you.
7 - Make it YOUR wedding
To keep your marriage front and center, you’ll want to make your wedding about you and your partner as much as possible. If you find yourself including something you don’t agree with or that doesn’t represent you two as a couple, get rid of it! Not religious people? Don’t get married at a church. Love colour? Wear a bright red dress or dye your hair pink. Don’t let any expectations or traditions keep you and your partner from planning a wedding that’s all about you two.
8 - Don’t forget about your relationship
It’s so easy to get buried in wedding planning and forget to come up for air. How can you focus on anything else when there are vendors to call, cakes to taste and invites to mail? But it’s so important to take time and connect with your partner. Remind yourself why you are marrying this person with date nights, Netflix binges and trips away together. Your wedding is just one day - you don’t want to lose your relationship over it.
9 - Prepare for the post-wedding blues
Many couples feel a little bit empty after their wedding. They spent the last year or more planning this huge day and now it’s just...over. Knowing that the post-wedding blues are common, prepare for how you and your new spouse will deal with them. If you prioritize your marriage, the blues won’t be as bad because once the wedding is over, you’ll be starting the fun part - your lifetime together as a married couple!
10 - When you get stressed, ask yourself one question
How will this impact my marriage? It’s as simple as that! When you can’t decide if you should spend the extra money on a signature cocktail or which tablecloths to go with just ask yourself: how will this impact my marriage? Nine times out of ten, the answer will be: It doesn’t impact my marriage at all. Will you still be happily married if you go with the smaller centerpieces or the sheet cake over the three-tier cake? Absolutely! You can set yourself free from a lot of wedding stress by putting your marriage first.
Learn more about Young, Hip & Married on their website and social media!
Thank you to Erica Miller Photography for sharing their beautiful photos for this post