Author

Aleisha

Hey there, I'm Aleisha, founder and host of the Bridechilla Podcast. I am also the author of the Bridechilla Guides. I'm inspired by our community of Chillas worldwide and empowering you to 'go your own way', as Fleetwood Mac would say, in your wedding planning and beyond!

Guest Post

Nubride! An inclusive wedding show for modern millennial couples

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Nova Reid is a favourite friend of the Bridechilla Podcast and someone that I always enjoy catching up with. In 2012 Nova launched her blog nubride.com  with the goal of making a conscious effort to provide positive images of couples of all ethnicities. 'To begin to realign and introduce a diverse mainstream wedding industry, by helping to reduce that gap in the market…even a teeny tiny bit'
Over the past 18 months, Nova has continued to grow her brand and educate the wedding industry as her work as a diversity consultant. Now, Nova is taking on  a new challenge, launching her very own wedding show! 

Like many vendors and bloggers, you started your blog Nubride.com after your own wedding, what made you take the blogging leap?

I started blogging 2 months after my engagement and carried on with the wedding chat ever since (my poor husband). Nu Bride was born on the 1st January 2012. Feeling despondent and completely invisible as a modern British woman, who also happens to be black planning a wedding. Struggling to find visual inspiration, inclusive beauty and hairstyles, nude wedding underwear for "my nude" and what dresses might look like against my skin colour. With little to no representation for people like me in the wedding industry, I originally used my blog to rant about the wedding industry and document my own wedding planning. My rant resonated with many others. Never did I imagine it would form the key component for a career change and be the foundation of my business and a leading platform for diversity in the wedding industry and beyond.

How do couples find and support equality and diversity minded wedding vendors?

It's actually REALLY REALLY difficult for couples to find equality-minded suppliers. I get emails on a regular basis asking for recommendations from people in the black and brown community and people in the LGBTQ community seeking out safe and inclusive business owners. It's such a shame and also at times, demoralising to have to ask. I've been there.

"The industry is not regulated. So not only do couples battle with narrowing down and finding quality suppliers at times, but they really struggle to find inclusive ones."

There is not regulatory body or service that ties equality-minded wedding pros under one roof. You need to seek them out. So generally word of mouth, looking out for progressive social profiles and publications like Catalyst Wed Co, A Practical Wedding, or simply by looking for visual cues and inclusive language in business owners marketing. The reality is we can be doing so much better with diversity and inclusion in the wedding industry. In an ideal world we should be able to easily see the majority of the wedding industry as an inclusive one and not a minority. Business owners often feel that by thinking they are inclusive that is enough, they need to consistently demonstrate that they are.


Putting on a wedding show is a huge deal- what inspired you to take it on?

Madness.

LOL! In all seriousness, I have been approached over the past 2-3 years by blog sponsors and Nu Bride supporters saying they would love to take part in a Nu Bride Show. I shrugged the idea off because, well. It's a HUGE undertaking. But it was the results from a Nu bride survey that I published in February last year that really inspired me to take action. It revealed 64% of couples attended wedding shows during their planning and of that 64% a whopping 94% of them found wedding shows to be outdated, lacking in inspiration for modern couples, lacking in choice, segregated and definitely lacking in inspiration for couples having multicultural marriages.

"Nu Bride The Wedding Show provides a solution to this and also a gift to my readers and an opportunity to not only connect couples with equality minded suppliers, but provide immersive inspiration, from wellbeing to vow writing workshops and advice to help them plan for their wedding day and also their ever after."

Photo by Jonathan Saavedra

If you were to re-plan your own wedding again tomorrow, what would you change, add or improve knowing what you know now?

You know how I feel about chair covers.

Chair covers were "in" when I got married in 2012. There would be NO chair covers! They are so unnecessary, I would simply just have some nice chairs. lol!

The guest list would change slightly, I would also have that live band I sacrificed for people who didn't turn up. I would also invest in a wedding planner, because you know, who needs to be worrying about the wrong chair covers being used on chairs, moments before you walk down the aisle. lol!

Other than those tiny details it would be the same. We had a gorgeous day with the people in our lives who mattered most. That's what it is all about.

The wedding industry and media has seem some big challenges over the past few years, what are your hopes for the coming years for the industry?

Yes indeed. To see an industry that is more representative of the society we live in. One that moves forward, one that isn't defensive and instead says "you know what, we can do better and we want to be part of the solution" Couples and indeed all consumers now have the beauty and power of choice and they are spending their money with brands and publications that are representative of them, or that authentically engage with them now more than ever. If they aren't they'll simply scroll on by and spend their money elsewhere. Businesses are losing money, wedding publications are closing. Diversity has been proved time and time again to be good for business and of course society in so many publications, including Forbes. Consumer need and expectation is changing. It's time to diversify or businesses absolutely will (and are) get left behind.

Listen to Episode 039 of Bridechilla with Nova

If you weren't doing what you do now, what would you be doing?

I'd be doing even more diversity advocacy work. We have some real issues with equality and inclusion at the moment thanks to certain B and T word.

I'd be a talk show host and then I would retire early living in the Caribbean, running quarterly wellbeing retreats. We all need more wellness in our lives - without our health we have nothing. I think many of us forget that sometimes in the "busyness" myself included.

Best tip for maintaining your chill?

Digital detoxes, more self care, more self compassion. Shutting out the white noise - we have limited energy. You decide who is worthy of your energy or not. If they are not, let it go. In the words of Michael Neill:

"You are just one thought away from having a completely different experience" imagine that.

Life is too short - spend it being unapologetically you, with those who deserve your energy and those who lift your higher.

Everyone is a VIP at Nubride The Wedding Show

Nu Bride The Wedding Show is the UK’s first wedding show dedicated to wedding diversity and the modern millennial couple – Featuring everything you need to plan your wedding day and ever after. 

Everyone is a VIP at Nu Bride the wedding show. Tickets cost £20 which includes entrance to the show, access to all workshops, catwalk and entertainment show, talks and expert panels (based on a first-come first-served basis). A glass of bubbly and a rather swanky goody bag.

Header Image Photo by Edward Cisneros 

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Bridechilla Blog

Modern, Hip and Rocking Williamsburg Rooftop Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Project Manager Althea and restaurant owner Sean met an Oscars Party (Argo was the winner that year), through friends of friends! They share the details of their vibrant and personal Williamsburg Rooftop Wedding.

Tell us all about the proposal

It was actually pretty spontaneous. We booked a snowboarding trip to Breckenridge, CO on New Years Eve for the first week of Jan (very unromantic but our credit card offer was about to expire in the new year). Sean somehow managed to arrange a photographer (Joe & Robin; proposal photos here) and a proposal in the mountains near Boulder in that short week. Our flight landed late and unbeknownst to me (Althea), we had somewhere to be. I remember being VERY hangry and Sean would only let me stop for McDonalds! It really felt like us; a little spontaneity, a little adventure and some good old-fashioned laughter!

Describe the wedding planning process.
Why did you choose the vendors you worked with?

This was not as stressful as most people made it sound!
Once we nailed down the location (we chose a place that allowed us to bring in our own vendors, something important to us), we just started asking for recommendations from one vendor to the next and the wedding sort of "planned" itself from there. We knew what was important to us (good food, great bar, killer live music and for Althea, flowers) and really focused our attentions on those things. We chose vendors that matched our taste, gave them an outline of our vision and let them run with it! It turned out really beautifully.

How was your wedding day? 

SO MUCH FUN!

The biggest advice everyone had was that we should be "present" and we really took that to heart. We worried about almost nothing and just let ourselves have a blast all night. Althea spent the entire night on the dance floor (where she wanted to be) and Sean schmoozed (always the life of the party). Our favorite part was our favors - we loved giving away the books and legos and it was fun to see what our guests had chosen.

What was your favorite moment from your wedding day?

Althea: Tied between giving our thank you speech and our ceremony.
For our thank you speech, seeing all of our friends and family there and getting the opportunity to thank them was a privilege. For our ceremony, our friends that officiated blew it out of the water! The speech was sentimental but not cheesy, personal but not riddled with stereotypes. We loved it.

Sean: The moment right after the ceremony and the moment before we headed down to the reception. We got to spend a few minutes alone, take a breath and really enjoy the feeling of being newlyweds!

What is your advice for newly engaged couples?

Decide what's important to you for your wedding and run with it! Don't sweat the small stuff.

Althea and Sean’s Rockstar Vendors

​
Photography- Katie Osgood Photography

Wedding Coordination - ASE, Amanda Savory Events

Floral Design- Rye Workshop

Jewelry Designer- Kataoka Jewelry (Althea's wedding band, bought at Catbird) and Valentin Magro (Sean's wedding band)

Beauty Artists- A friend did Althea's makeup and Vanessa Quiles (Althea's hairdresser) did the hair.

Stationery- We had friends help us out and did some of it ourselves!

Caterer- Poppy's Catering. We also got barbecue from John Brown Smokehouse for our cocktail hour.

Photo Booth Equipment- Sweet Booths

Tuxedo and Mens Attire- Michael Andrews Bespoke

Shoes- Manolo Blahnik

Dress Designer- Elizabeth Fillmore Bridal

Equipment Rentals- Broadway Party Rentals

Band- 45 Riots

Reception Venue- Dobbin St

 

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Styled Wedding Shoots

Love is love, a Modern Same-Sex Raleigh Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Love is love, a Modern, Same-Sex Raleigh Wedding

Planner Kaitlin Stammetti from Rowan Lane Events shares her design inspiration behind a recent styled shoot that was created to celebrate support the ethos of 'love is love' and the LGBTQ community in Raleigh, North Carolina.

What inspired the shoot?

Raleigh is a special and exciting city. As a big swath of blue in a mostly red state, the capital of North Carolina is home to everything from the Governor's Mansion and NC Museums of Natural Sciences to the annual Hopscotch Music Festival and tons of conventions at our amazing convention center.

But even in this liberal-leaning capitol city we still encounter those who, sadly, aren't supportive of the LGBTQ community and their rights. In an effort to show that Raleigh wedding vendors overwhelmingly support the notion that "love is love" a local officiant asked a simple question on a local wedding vendor facebook page - "who would like to do a same-sex styled shoot?"

I am proud to say the response was enormous! So much so that we actually ended up producing 7 different shoots - each with their own team of planners, photographers, venues, cake makers etc. I had personally decided to sit out any more shoots this year but when this came across my feed I couldn't stay away.

Red and blue as a symbolic theme to the shoot

I had the perfect models in mind! I brought my husband's cousin and her partner in as our real couple and chose blue as our main color to represent the bright blue of Raleigh in a sea of political red.

Our venue, The Cannon Room, is positioned in the heart of our vibrant and growing downtown and is flooded with light which makes it an irresistible spot for photos.

A Simple, clean and modern style

I wanted to show that weddings don't have to be over the top to be special so we stayed simple, clean, and modern as we let the table top be our main focal point.

Our couple was another main focus and highlight as they were as unique and lovely as the space or any of our decor pieces.

We chose to skip the sweetheart or head table and focus on the ceremony space, dinner dining set up and of course, the bar!

Cherishing the most important part of the day, the ceremony

I think my favorite pictures of the day are from the ceremony. This part of the day that is often rushed but I encourage my clients and their bridal party to really cherish it. Those two aren't the only ones standing up that day to make a crazy promise to love each other.

They have all gathered to support them in their desire and adventure to put their marriage above all else and nothing is lovelier to me.

Rock Star Vendors that made this shoot happen!

Bakery- Triangle Pastry Co

Linens and Coverings- CE Rentals

Cake Designer- Capital Cakes

Paper Props- Wedding Story Writer

Beauty- Silverceiling Beauty Consulting

Floral Designer- Blissful Celebrations

Dress Store- Maggi Bridal

Event Venue- Cannon Room

Event Designer- Rowan Lane Events

Photographer- Rose Trail Images

Additional Styling- Wildflower Vintage Co

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359- Family Matters- Bridechilla Q&A

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Anytime you have a gathering that involves both immediate and extended family, there is a high likelihood that you will have to deal with family matters. We all have weird and difficult family members. Planning a wedding and inviting them means that family drama of some kind is probably going to happen. On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Aleisha answers questions from the Bridechilla community about how to manage these important relationships while still having the wedding you and your couple want. Tune in to be encouraged by the struggles of other Bridechillas and hear Aleisha’s great advice. 

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Cut off the drama with crucial conversations

Families come in all shapes and sizes. There are unique personalities that can create incredible variety, diversity, and often drama. With extended family, issues can often be avoided. But what happens when drama arises with you or your spouse’s parents? Bridechilla Holly asks about her family dynamics and how to deal with family members who don’t get along. One key to dealing with family drama is being willing to have difficult conversations. Listen to Aliesha’s advice to cut off drama with crucial conversations.

“I certainly wouldn’t have felt less married if I hadn’t changed my name. I have so many girlfriends who haven’t gone through the name changing process, who have no interest in changing their name, and are just as married as the rest of us.

Playing the name game

When planning to get married, couples have to decide what they are going to do about their names. Will the bride be taking the groom’s last name in a traditional fashion?  Or will you do something different? Bridechilla Kate is a feminist who is trying to decide whether she is going to take her partner’s last name, use a hyphen, or keep her name. Regardless of what you decide to do, it’s important to remember that you aren’t less married if you don’t go through the name changing process. Name changing or any wedding tradition should be adapted to work for you. Be true to yourself when navigating this crucial decisions.

“If parents are contributing then, yes, invite them along for opinions and invite them to be a part of it. But it doesn’t mean that they automatically buy a controlling decision in your wedding.”

How to ask Mom and Dad for money?

Parents can be incredibly helpful in planning a wedding. They can be a great sounding board during the many decisions that have to be made. And often, they can provide much needed financial support. But what if your parents haven’t readily offered their assistance? Is there a way to tactfully ask for money? Kathryn from South Africa would like for her parents to help pay for the wedding but they haven’t specified how much that are willing to contribute. She asks Aleisha how to approach the subject so that she can move forward in planning with a realistic budget.
*There is plenty of advice about how to work with wedding donors (parents) in this episode of Bridechilla and in the Bridechilla Survival Guide.

“We’ve all got our own weirdo parents. We love them... Some of them.”​

Photo by Eliza Szablinska

Buying controlling interest in your wedding

Bridechilla Ann had a question about parents and money too, however her situation is a bit different. Her parents offered to help pay for the wedding but after finding out Ann and her fiance’s plans, they started to criticize their decisions. Does a financial investment necessarily mean that parents have a say in the wedding plans? Dealing with family drama while balancing the stress of planning a wedding can be difficult. If you find yourself in the midst of family matters during your wedding planning, fear not, you are not alone. Listen to this episode to hear from other Bridechillas that are in the same situation and be encouraged by Aliesha’s advice.

“If you are on a website and you are finding a gown that’s normally two grand and you’re finding it for $250, it’s probably counterfeit and it’s probably being made by kids in some sort of shitty awful hellhole.”

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [0:12] This episode is a Q&A episode, where Aleisha answers question from the Bridechilla community. This episode has a theme of parental involvement in wedding planning
  • [2:18] Holly asks how to handle inviting family members from both sides who do not get along.
  • [7:01] Kate from Nebraska asks what to do about balancing her feminism with get taking her partner’s last name
  • [14:31] Kathryn from South Africa wants to know how to ask parents to contribute financially to the wedding.
  • [20:13} Kathryn’s second question deals with how to be sure you are buying from a reputable online retailer.
  • [27:48] Ann’s parents originally seemed on board to help with wedding cost, but then criticised their plans and tried to change the type of wedding that she and her fiance want to have.
  • [32:21] Aleisha gives advice for how to deal with controlling parents while planning your wedding
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A burnt white wedding dress & broken heels! 10th vow renewal in Hawaii

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Chip and Nina where the ultimate Bridechilla and Groomchilla and didn’t let a burnt dress and a broken heel get in the way of celebrating their 10-year vow renewal in beautiful Hawaii. They kept calm and carried on celebrating with their family and beautiful children. 
Photographer Harold from Alvea Studios captured all of the drama, colour and joy of their very memorable vow renewal day.

We've heard of being prepared for anything but...

Imagine this…a wonderful decade of marriage has passed. You and your partner have been through a lot of unforgettable memories and checked off a bunch of items from your bucket lists. Now, you decide its time to renew your wedding vows. You plan ahead of time and book a flight to Hawaii with your closest relatives.

YOU ARE VERY EXCITED.

Fast forward to the big day – you wake up really early to prepare. Everything is going smoothly until you iron your dress and BURN it!

Yes, that gorgeous, white dress.

You try to fix it but nothing else can be done.

You think “this can be fixed with photoshop”.

You have a photo shoot scheduled before your ceremony. You are rushing because you are way behind your schedule. You meet your photographer and start walking. In literally just 10 seconds, your heels snapped.

It’s broken. “Are you kidding me?” is an understatement for what you really feel. Then, a bright ray of light suddenly shines on your peripheral view – it’s a ROSS dress for less store – and they are open

The iron burn in Nina's dress was a tiny blip in a joy filled day!

As luck would have it there was a ROSS store nearby!

If this happened to you, how would you handle it? 

This was what happened to Chip & Nina and hands down, they were one of the coolest couples I met. 
They managed to handle everything very patiently and gracefully. 
Nina just shook it off. It actually made the day extra special and memorable!

Exploring the colour and vibrancy of Kakaako 

We went for a walk in Kakaako, downtown Honolulu to take some shots on these amazing murals. It was very colorful just like their story. The ceremony was very intimate and emotional. It's just them and the ocean. You can really feel the love that binds their family. They trusted me to take photos and videos for this special day. Fun fact: it’s my birthday too! I feel very honored to have spent my day with this beautiful family and witness their love.

Celebrating with family with the tradition of the lei

Nina and Chip presented traditional Hawaiian lei to their family and children.
A lei is a common symbol of love, friendship, celebration, honor, or greeting. In other words, it is a symbol of Aloha.

Chip and Nina's Rockstar Vendors

Photographer and Videographer - Harold Alvea
Restaurant- Tommy Bahama Restaurant
Emergency shoes (!)- Ross Discount Store

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358- Your Wedding Floral Timeline

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

When it comes to choosing how to incorporate flowers in your wedding decor it can be challenging to figure our how to best make your budget stretch and to navigate what flowers are in season, how to DIY aspects and how to know if you are getting a good deal or not? In this episode of Bridechilla, I am joined by The Flower Guy Bron who provides bespoke design and styling experiences for events of all types. Bron tells it like it is and shares practical advice to plan your wedding florals and stay in budget. 

Listen to Episode 358 of Bridechilla

How to start making flower arrangements

Because your wedding is so important, you don’t want to take a haphazard approach to planning your special day. There’s no need to stress out about every little detail, but you do want to make sure that you’ve covered all of your bases and ensured that you are getting everything you want. When it comes to the flowers, Bron Hansboro suggests doing some research before you talk with a florist. He encourages couples to use the readily available resources on the internet to find what you like. Create a database of pictures that you can take to your planner and or florist. This will help them to understand your style and be able to give you pricing so that you can manage your budget. The first step of making great flower arrangements is to evaluate your priorities and make a plan.

"Not everyone can afford professional floral design services and the last thing I want people to do with me is spend their last hard earned money and be upset about it after the fact"

Photo by Annie Spratt

When to book your florist

Depending on your needs and desires, it is important to give your vendors time to accomplish your vision. Bron suggests couples begin talking with their florists 8-12 months prior to the event. This allows them to order the necessary hard goods and determine what flowers will be available during that time period. Also, couples should be sure to take into account that florists are busy during certain seasons. Listen to Bron’s other suggestions for how and when to talk with a florist on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.  

How to DIY Your flowers

Not every couple will spend a lot of thought or money on flowers. Sometimes it doesn’t fit their personal style. Flowers aren’t cheap, so it may not be cost-effective for some couples to use a professional florist. Bron says, “Not everyone can afford professional floral design services and the last thing I want people to do with me is spend their last hard earned money and be upset about it after the fact.” Many local stores carry flowers that couples can purchase and arrange on their own for a fraction of the price. While it will require creative planning, you can DIY your flowers. During this interview, Bron shares tips for how couples can save money and have unique decorations by arranging their own wedding flowers.

Photo by Photos by Lanty

Get creative with your flower arrangements

As a professional florist who expresses his art through flowers, Bron Hansboro loves to think outside the box when it comes to flower arrangements. He says that he likes to put flowers anywhere they aren’t expected to be, including ceiling installations, staircase wraps, and even on top of cars. Bron encourages couples to consider how flowers might best represent them. If a bride or a couple doesn’t really care about flowers, then they can use them to compliment the items that better represent them. Sometimes less is more. The key is to be creative and original. Hear more ideas and tips about how to approach your wedding flower arrangements during this week’s Bridechilla podcast.

Listen to Episode 358 of Bridechilla

Meet Bron
'The Flower Guy'

I'm Bron, the chief creative here at The Flower Guy Bron.  I'm a wanderer of the world and a modern day Renaissance man.  I love art, good wine and great company, oh and of course flowers.

My work with flowers is organic and my most natural expression.  I let the blooms whisper and I listen.  Therefore, it’s not always rocket science, but sometimes it is and I rise to the occasion.

I live by the simple principle, "Be your best self" and encourage others to join me.

Follow Bron on

Instagram | Facebook | Pinterest

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Annie Spratt

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Kristofer and Natalie’s Non-Traditional, Jewel tone Scottish Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Inspired by 'badass Chillas' Bridechilla Natalie and Kris decided to ditch tradition and make their DIY, Scottish wedding day all about them including details of all the things they love, like Disney, Harry Potter and their family!

Tell us a little about you and your partner!

​Myself and Kristofer met October 2010 we got engaged June 2011 - He proposed to me where we had our very first date... our local pub! We both love to watch films, eat food, long hill walks and most of all be silly together. We have a mutual love of all things Disney, Christmas and cats (we have 4).

Tell us all about your event!

​Our wedding was exactly what we wanted it to be... US.

We aren't your typical bride and groom. Kristofer wanted to wear his family clan tartan (Murray) and with that we decided to have all the best men in their own clan kilts.

I knew a white wedding dress want for me so I decided to go big nude skirt (with a hidden black layer) and a black low back lace top. I knew I wanted the bridesmaids in velvet floor length dresses.

What inspired your wedding aesthetic and design

​Our inspiration for our wedding was seeing all the badass chillas doing what was them. We wanted the day to not just be about us but about our loved ones as they are apart of our relationship as they have helped us and somewhat made who we are today.

We got married on a Sunday so we decided to have one large oval table and have a Sunday roast beef (which was FAB) we decided not to pressure anyone into speeches so we had an open speech table that worked out great! Our priorities for the day was to make sure we slow down and enjoy every moment and of course to dance all night.

What was your favourite moment from your celebration?

My favorite part of the day was walking down the aisle and seeing his face knowing that today marks the day of me becoming his wife. We wanted our family and close friends to feel part of our wedding so we decided to do oathing stones where all the guests and family's join us in our vows and help set our vows in stone.

I decided I wanted to put a lot of work into our wedding to make it more special, with that I decided to make my own bouquet and the bridesmaids lanterns, a rather large backdrop, Harry potter card holder, welcome signs, Bride/Bridesmaids jackets, table names - Flowers and Disney names for the women and star wars names and Lego figures for men and most evening decorations

What was not worth it?

​The stress before hand! I am super glad I didn't spend a fortune on my wedding outfit too!

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

​Chair covers! Travel bus, Canapes, favors - we decided to donate to 2 of our close to heart charities rather than a chocolate or drink) and flowers for mothers (we decided to whisk them away for a weekend rather than spend £60-80 on flowers)

What advice do you have for other couples planning their weddings?

Please don't stress over the little things, don't listen to other people's opinions just be yourself and don't worry everything will turn out just right as at the end of the day you will walk home a married person.

How did Bridechilla help you plan your wedding?

​The Bridechilla Community helped me do what I wanted to do and not to listen to others! I cannot thank the community enough for the help and support!

Which Bridechilla resources did you use when planning your wedding?

​
The Bridechilla Podcast, The Bridechilla Blog, Bridechilla Community on Facebook, Bridechilla Wedding Directory, Bridechilla Survival Guide, Bridechilla Field Guide

Kris and Natalie's Rockstar Vendors

Photographer-  David Ruff
Skirt - 1000Love on Etsy
Cake - Bumblebee Bakehouse (Paisley)
Kilts - Houston Kiltmakers
DJ was Kristofer's Dads friend Wallace
Ceilidh band - Loudon Ceilidh Band
And the amazing Scott & Hannah at House for an Art lover

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The Simple Bride’s Guide to Eloping

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

By Simply Eloped

Wait, plan an elopement? Isn’t eloping all about not having to deal with wedding planning? The answer is yes and no. Planning an elopement is definitely not like planning a traditional wedding, but that doesn’t mean there is nothing to plan.

Why consider planning an elopement?

Before diving head first into planning, let’s talk about why people choose to elope anyway. The answer is different for everyone. Some of the most common reasons we hear from couples that choose to elope are:

  • Wanting a simple, intimate ceremony
  • Being able to focus wholly on each other
  • Avoiding logistics and family drama
  • Not spending a ton of money on a wedding
  • A big wedding/being the center of attention makes them anxious
  • Don’t want to wait several months to get married
  • Already feel married (have a home, kids, etc.)

Now, on to the fun part. The most important thing to remember in all of this (and one of the best parts of eloping) is that you get to plan as much or as a little as you want. At minimum, you have to choose a date, get a marriage license, and make an appointment to wed for City Hall weddings or arrange an officiant and a witness.

Photo Luisa Renay Diaz

Elopements can = freedom from pressure

As for all the many things associated with weddings, the choice to include or not is completely up to you. Don’t want to deal with a florist? Cool. Don’t have any flowers or forage some on your way to the ceremony. Don’t want to wear white? Awesome. Wear something you feel amazing in. Can’t imagine getting married without your mom there? Invite her. Deciding what is important to you and your partner on your wedding day is number one. Make a list of priorities and start planning from there. Here’s how we suggest getting started.

Eloping has been an amazing experience for so many couples. It eliminates the stress of planning a big wedding and brings the excitement back to what the wedding is all about in the first place.

Listen to episode 113 of the Bridechilla Podcast- all about eloping

Choosing an elopement Location

Location will dictate mostly everything else that you need to plan for. There are a couple ways to go about choosing where to tie the knot. You can choose a spot that carries meaning for you and your partner, like your favorite hike or the park you spent your first date wandering through. Some couples choose a ceremony location that doubles as the starting point for their honeymoon or tack on the ceremony to an already-planned vacation. Other couples simply choose a location that works best for them and what they want their wedding day to feel like. Settle on a location first, then check in on any requirements or scheduling for an event in that location. Some city parks or beaches require advanced scheduling for gazebos, a city hall likely will require an appointment, national parks require a permit, and so on.

Photo Ryan Schorr

Pick a Wedding Date

​This is a huge perk of eloping. Since you have few to no guests to work around, you can choose to get married whenever you want. Seriously, you get to pick whatever time of year, day of the week and moment of day that you want. Being flexible with date and time also allows you to book vendors that may otherwise be booked with weekend weddings or holidays.

Hire Your Wedding Vendors

​You won’t have nearly as many vendors as the traditional wedding, but you can still have some. All in all, even if you have seven vendors, you will have much a smaller order than a big wedding which means less money and more simple planning. However, this does not mean you should put off choosing vendors. If you want the utmost simplicity, choose the essential vendors: a photographer and an officiant. You will totally regret not having photos to cherish of the day you committed your lives to each other.

Depending on the location you’ve chosen, you will likely need to hire an officiant as well. Other vendors to consider are a videographer, florist, hair and makeup stylists, and transportation. For the couples that want one person to handle the details, hire a planner that specializes in elopements. A planner will be able give advice on choosing a location, help you find a photographer and officiant, and help navigate the legal stuff like a wedding certificate and any necessary location permit.

Photo Cappy Phalen

Make It Official- Marriage Licenses

You would think that getting a marriage license would be the simplest part but it can actually be kind of difficult. The state or country in which you are getting married has specific rules that may be different from where you live. Once you decide on location, research marriage licenses in that location. There will be specific documents you need to bring, certain requirements for who can be your witness, and a time sensitivity around signing and sending in the certificate to make it official.

Photo Natalie Koen

Tell Your Family and Friends

This isn’t something that needs pen and paper planning, but it is something to talk through as a couple before you exchange vows. Most of the time someone in your life is a little hurt that they weren’t at your wedding, be it your grandma or your bestie.

 Deciding who needs to know first and then making sure they are the first to know can help soothe hurt feelings. If you want to get creative in sharing the happy news with your people, there are many fun ways to do so. Thinking ahead of how you want to announce your marriage can also be something to communicate with your vendors. Whether you have a “we eloped” sign or a specific shot captured by your photographer, you’ll go in to your wedding day feeling more prepared without worrying about who will be hurt by the end of the day.

Header image by Lauren Rader

More about Simply Eloped

Simply Eloped was founded by a couple named Matt and Janessa. They saw so many close friends spend tons of money on large weddings that were stressful and difficult to plan. After noticing that many of these friends didn’t enjoy their weddings, the duo realized that there must be a better way. With that, Simply Eloped was born and the two set off on a mission to make getting married, fun, easy and affordable!

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Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

357- How to think like a Wedding Planner

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Choosing to work with a wedding planner or coordinator to help plan your wedding (and manage the logistics of the day) can we a wonderful investment but how do you find a planner who is qualified and experienced? Today's guest Kylie Carlson is the owner of the International Academy of Wedding and Event Planning. Kylie shares her tips for finding the right help for you, pricing and how to communicate clearly to plan the wedding you want!  Listen to this episode and prepare to learn how to think like a wedding planner

Listen to Episode 357 of Bridechilla

Are there too many choices?

There has been a huge shift in wedding planning thanks to social media. Now, brides and couples have thousands of pictures and videos that show the most unique and extravagant weddings. Wanting to have their own personalized experience, couples have to sift through more options than ever before. This creates a longer list of demands and potentially adds more stress to everyone involved. Kylie says that many brides are simply overwhelmed by choice. She cautions against the unrealistic expectations that social media can create. Hear more advice for how to avoid that sense of overwhelm while still having the kind of wedding you dream of during this conversation.

How to avoid the Bridezilla label

Hopefully, most people will only have to experience planning one wedding in their lifetime. Nobody gets married hoping for that marriage to fail so they can go through the process all over again. This fact often puts unnecessary pressure on the couple to have everything work out perfectly. The stress and desire to get it right, combined with potential frustration of dealing with vendors, wedding parties, decorations and family can lead to brides being called the dreaded term - bridezilla. Kylie discusses why some brides can be seen as bridezillas, why that term is unfair, and how to avoid being labeled a bridezilla during this podcast.

Teamwork makes the wedding planning dream work

Throughout the episode, Kylie Carlson discusses ways an average wedding planner can become a great one. Being better than the rest takes special attention to detail and going the extra mile to ensure the couple your working with has an exceptional experience. One way to think like a top-level wedding planner is by considering both partners getting married. Often wedding planners make the mistake of focusing only on the bride’s needs. This causes the other partner to feel left out and can put additional stress on the bride. Instead, Kylie suggests that wedding planners work with both parties to determine their needs and desires.

Choosing vendors like a wedding planner

Choosing not to hire a wedding planner leaves the couple with the responsibility of dealing with vendors. However, wedding planners have a network of trusted vendors and experience in negotiating that is more than worth the price of hiring them. A great wedding planner also knows the right way to interview and vet potential vendors to ensure a great experience. Choosing a wedding planner means couples only have to interview for that one position, not the entire multitude of vendors needed for the wedding.  Kylie suggests that couples not get into business with someone you don’t think you can trust or work with. Hear more tips for how to think like a wedding planner on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Listen to Episode 357 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [1:36] Wedding planning is overwhelming because not many people have ever really planned an event like this. That’s why the bridechilla podcast exists, to help ease the stress and provide resources to help brides and couples plan the wedding they want and deserve
  • [4:28] Introduction of Kylie Carlson, owner International Academy of Wedding and Event Planning
  • [6:41] How Kylie got into the wedding and event industry through her job as a pot washer, then silver service waitress.
  • [11:43] The changes that Kylie has seen in her career planning events and weddings and how internet access has been both helpful and harmful to wedding planning
  • [14:03] The pressure and stress of wedding planning can lead to the so-called “Bridezilla”
  • [16:49] Groomzillas are now an issue because grooms are having more input in the wedding
  • [19:20] How can you get the groom more involved in the wedding planning process
  • [25:36] Kylie talks about the 3 kinds of students that go through her academy and what kind of people aren’t cut out for wedding and event planning
  • [29:49] Tips for couples when interviewing their wedding vendors and/or planner
  • [36:48] How hiring a wedding planner can pay off when planning your wedding

Memorable Quotes

  • “From a bridal couples point of view, they are overwhelmed with choice because they didn’t have the access to everything that they’ve got now.”
  • “It’s actually now not so much the brides who are causing the problems, a lot of the times it’s the grooms”
  • “If you don’t hit it off with somebody and you don’t like them, you’re not going to be able to work with them, whether that’s as a professional or as a bride or groom.”
  • “Don’t be drawn in by a gorgeous website and don’t be drawn in by gorgeous pictures on a website.”
  • “The beauty of a planner is they’ve already vetted everybody for you.”

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Kylie Carlson is the owner of the International Academy of Wedding and Event Planning. With six locations globally, the academy boasts an internationally recognized accreditation program that brings professional training to wedding planners, designers and stylists. As Director of the International Academy of Wedding and Event Planning Kylie teaches, inspires and motivates the future stars of the wedding and event industry.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Andre Hunter

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

What happens to Weddings When women Stop Saying Yes?

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

On episode 356 of the Bridechilla Podcast I was joined by Honey Dew founder's Michelle and Lucy. In this blog they continue the conversation of finding balance when wedding planning and work (and life in general!).
We work on weddings every single day. As founders of a startup that wants to do all the grunt work of wedding planning, this makes sense. After talking to hundreds of couples, we realized with great horror that those that are wedding planning are working on their wedding every single day too. With full time jobs.

Listen to episode 356 Of Bridechilla

The wedding industry just assumes couples will say yes

Hey, I can’t give you the price of the venue over email — can you call me at 3pm?

Hey, could you tell me your budget before I tell you how much these flowers will cost?

Hey, we can’t give you a quote for how much our catering package costs, because it differs for each couple. Will you set up an appointment to discuss more?

These are questions that the wedding industry assumes couples will say yes to. And honestly, the assumption is valid — couples don’t have the expertise or option to say no, because the next wedding vendor will request the same. The industry doesn’t care if both people have a full time job, don’t have time at work to slip away for a vendor phone call, and don’t have an exact itemized list of what flowers or entrees they want. Somehow, in this $70 billion industry where couples spend on average $35,000 on a wedding, they are at the mercy of the wedding vendors who won’t pick up the phone or post prices on their website.

Photo by Edward Cisneros

Without information transparency, couples can’t say no

The Internet allows price comparisons between a pillow on Amazon.com and a pillow on Walmart.com. Uber tells me my trip will cost $11.80 so I can decide to ride Lyft to my music class instead. Now: imagine if you had to email Uber for a price before booking your ride. Imagine if you had to call Amazon about their memory foam pillow to ask whether it was in stock. It’s laughable, right?

Yet, lack of information transparency, especially around price and availability, is the single biggest driver of time wasted and stress when wedding planning. No wedding solution today actually solves this because their revenue comes from wedding vendors (sponsored ads and memberships). Wedding vendors get fewer leads when their prices are readily available online. This makes them less happy.

Who’s championing for the couples’ happiness, then?

The email inbox of a couple caught up in wedding planning

What happens when couples stop saying yes?

One night, we were fuming about the numerous mediocre wedding vendor websites out there, and we had a Eureka moment. What if we systematically retrieved vendor information, and made it transparent? What if couples stopped the hours of research and correspondence they were doing and let us call and email wedding vendors for them? What if we became the buffer between the wedding vendors and the couple, so that couples could STOP reading through 17 page wedding packets for each vendor they talked to, and just…let us screen vendors for them?

What if we did it online, low-touch, and didn’t charge them $10,000 (like a wedding planner) for it?

We grew confident that once couples got a taste of this freedom and control, they’d come to demand it as a baseline, table stakes experience from every wedding company.

We decided to start Honeydew.

Photo by Alvin Mahmudov

Honeydew is the personal assistant and personal champion for your wedding

Imagine a human powered search engine that personalizes exactly to your preferences and constraints and presents you vetted options with decision-critical information. Ok maybe that’s hard to imagine.

Instead, imagine clicking a button and instantaneously feeling confident enough to book a wedding vendor. Imagine your whole wedding planned like this.

Now try us out! We’re live, and we’d love to talk to you!

Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

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