Author

Aleisha

Hey there, I'm Aleisha, founder and host of the Bridechilla Podcast. I am also the author of the Bridechilla Guides. I'm inspired by our community of Chillas worldwide and empowering you to 'go your own way', as Fleetwood Mac would say, in your wedding planning and beyond!

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380- Getting serious about your financial future

by Aleisha July 8, 2019

written by Aleisha

Have you started planning for the future? Chances are if you are planning a wedding then your answer is “yes”. You are planning for a future event that will be a wonderful celebration of your love. However, what about after you are married? Have you thought about planning what will happen to your assets should you pass away? What will happen afterwards? Will our loved ones be left with a puzzle of paperwork to try and piece together? Or will they be sufficiently taken care of. Dave Hanley, Founder and CEO of Tomorrow, an app developed specifically to help people with their plans, joins the Bridechilla podcast to discuss planning for the future.

Listen to the episode

How to talk about death

It’s not always pleasant to think about death. However, the reality is we will all die one day. It is better to think about and plan for the future beyond our lives now than it is to leave our children, spouses, or loved ones with the difficult task of sorting through our lives. Planning for the future is really an act of love and kindness. Especially if you are planning a wedding, considering how your spouse would be taken care of in a tragic event or your untimely death can make a huge difference for them. In this episode, you’ll be encouraged not to let a mortality crisis keep you from making a plan that will help those you leave behind even as they grieve your loss.

There are a lot of reasons as you delay marriage, as there are family businesses involved, as you have private stock in companies and stock options, debt, assets, that actually having a prenup makes a lot of sense

Working together to plan for the future

How can you work with your partner as you make a plan for the future? Perhaps it is painful to talk about dying with your spouse. Or maybe they are uninterested or uncooperative in being a part of the planning process. What can you do to get on the same page and work together as a team? During this episode, Dave Hanley shares some tips for how you can approach the often sensitive conversation of death and do so in a way that will be unifying rather than divisive. He also talks about how the app he developed, called Tomorrow, works to help in the process.

Photo by Shelby Deeter

Secrets secrets are no fun

Everyone brings their own histories into a marriage. Perhaps they have emotional or relational baggage. Or maybe they have had financial issues in the past. Often couples find themselves early in marriage with loads of school loans or other debt that can put a strain on the relationship. How can you deal with those issues both in the present and as you look to create a solid future for each other and for the loved ones around you? Dave stresses the importance of being upfront and honest with each other. Start with your own imperfections and work on those first. Then you can work together on issues that involve each other. Most importantly, don’t delay honesty in a marriage.

Never delay honesty. Because it can really build up and cause you a lot more trouble down the track

Failing to plan is planning to fail

When you have people in your life that care about you, it is a disservice not to make a plan to care for them even after you die. Additionally, you want to make sure that the assets you’ve worked hard to accrue will go to the people you choose. The only way to have a voice after you are gone is to make a detailed plan. During this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Dave Harley gives encouragement for ways to plan for the future and talks about how the app his team developed called tomorrow can help.

Photo by Sebastian Mantel

Show Highlights

[0:31] Aleisha introduces this episode about sensible future and estate planning with guest Dave Hanley, founder and CEO of Tomorrow.
[4:06] Aleisha shares a story about a friend who was unexpectedly thrust into the position of being the executor of a will and all of the difficulties that comes with that.
[8:11] How Tomorrow can help you be organized and generate important discussions with your family about the future of your estate.
[9:50] Dave talks about how he helps people navigate the planning process in a unified way.
[11:39] How couples should approach the conversation about debt
[20:54] Prenuptial agreements are increasing among couples. Dave shares his thoughts about reasons to have a prenup and how the can be helpful.
[25:58] Prenups often carry a negative connotation but they can actually help protect assets and clarify responsibility in the event of something unfortunate.
[28:03] Aleisha shares how you can find more information about Tomorrow and Dave’s work.

Listen to the episode

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Dave Hanley is the Founder and CEO of Tomorrow, an app that allows people to create a will and make decisions about the future together. Dave’s journey to starting tomorrow began when he had to handle the details of his parents death. He discovered that even an organized plan for the future can have difficulties and missed details. The Tomorrow team is dedicated to helping every family in America transform their lives and futures.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Joel Overbeck

July 8, 2019

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379- Bridechilla Wedding Planning Q&A

by Aleisha July 1, 2019

written by Aleisha

In this Bridechilla Q&A episode Aleisha answers wedding (and life) questions from the Bridechilla community including- managing social anxiety when it comes to wedding events and meeting new people, the unpredictable nature of mental illness- finding a balance between being supportive and doing what is right for you and planning extra wedding events , when you don't want them but your family is insisting on throwing you a bunch of extra parties! All that and more on the Bridechilla Podcast!

Listen to episode 379 of Bridechilla

Social Anxiety and Weddings

The overwhelm of wedding planning and the events leading up to wedding celebrations, can be challenging for anyone or people but for people who suffer from social anxiety, everyday social interactions can cause anxiety and the stress of these situations can feel like they are too much to handle. In this episode Aleisha answers a question from a Bridechilla listener who was surprised by feeling overwhelmed and feeling in desperate need of personal space after spending a weekend away with her future in-laws and is worried that she will feel the same anxiousness at her wedding events. Tune in for Aleisha's advice on how to cope and hear her story of being an introverted extrovert and how she copes.
Aleisha mentions a previous episode of the Bridechilla Podcast about mindfulness, which will be helpful for anyone having similar feelings. You can listen here.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

What does a Wedding MC do?

A chilla asks, what is the role of a wedding MC?'.
Wedding receptions often have a Master of Ceremonies (MC) to keep the day running smoothly. The master of ceremonies introduces speakers, makes announcements, and engages with the audience to keep the ceremony agenda flowing as smoothly as possible.
Who takes on the role of an MC depends on where you live. In Australia, where Bridechilla founder Aleisha is from, traditionally you ask a family member or friend to take on the role of the MC. In the USA, it is often the wedding DJ who keeps things moving. In the UK, you can hire professional MCs. Whoever you choose, you want to ensure that they are confident and can keep the show on the road.
The role of MC is simple. It requires you to make a few announcements loudly and clearly as the day progresses.For more tips about being prepared for the role of MC and also how to ready yourself to make a speech, don't miss this episode of the Bridechilla Podcast.

Photo by Casey Chae

To Bridal Shower, or to not Bridal Shower?

Bridechilla focuses a lot on helping couples decide what traditions are meaningful to them and then encourages the remainder to be thrown in the fuck it bucket. As Aleisha acknowledges this episode, there are sometimes moments in wedding planning where you may come to a compromise with family members to keep the peace or at the very least find a way to keep some traditions that are important to parents but do them in a way that suits you.
Bridal shower for many Chillas can sometimes be seen as a rather patriarchal event. Historically it was a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding, where guests would bring gifts for the home (often 'kitchen' themed). In this episode, Aleisha answers a question from a Bridechilla, asking about how to change up that tradition, avoid getting a bunch of stuff that may not be used and instead register for gifts and experiences that you as a couple would enjoy.
One of Aleisha's suggestions is an alcohol registry care of our partners Thirsty Nest.

Listen to episode 379 of Bridechilla

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Dmitry Bayer

July 1, 2019

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378- Downsizing Your Wedding and Stress

by Aleisha June 24, 2019

written by Aleisha

Josh and Britt Withers are dedicated to helping you downsize your wedding and your stress. The creators of The Elopement Collective join the Bridechilla podcast to share ideas for how couples can have a beautiful, meaningful wedding without breaking the bank or having a huge party. Not everyone likes or wants a big party on their wedding day. For some, the thought of spending so much money on one day is unnecessary. For others, the idea of trying to plan and organize a huge gathering of friends and family is overwhelming. For couples who aren’t interested in the traditional wedding ceremony, there are great alternatives. Josh and Britt talk about how they are helping couples create a small but memorable wedding in a way that suits their personalities and desires.

Listen to episode 378 of The Bridechilla Podcast

There’s a lot of expectation that goes into a day like that. I think if I spend $40 or $50 on dinner my expectations are never met

Lower your expectations

Whenever you spend a lot of money on a single item, the chances are good that you will have high expectations. You expect a fancy meal to taste amazing and come with great service. You expect an expensive car to have all the bells and whistles with an incomparably smooth ride. And when you start to spend loads of money of the various aspects of a wedding, you expect everything to be perfect. It’s a fool’s errand. Josh and Britt talk about how expectations for a wedding can cause unnecessary anxiety and fear for couples, and talk about alternatives that can reduce the stress and provide a wonderful wedding experience.

Photo by Nicole Honeywill

It’s about marriage, not about weddings.

Who is this wedding for anyway?

Many couples make wedding decisions based on who will be attending the wedding. They might receive advice from friends or family about what they want. Or they might feel the obligation to put on a great event for the attendees. However, a wedding isn’t for the family, friends, or the guests. It’s for the couple. Every bride and groom should feel the freedom to plan the kind of wedding they want without being concerned with what others think. During this episode, hear ways to handle other people’s expectations and determine with your partner what is most important to you and then let that be the deciding factor for the kind of wedding you will have.

Finding the right vendor for your wedding

Being professionals in the wedding industry, Josh and Britt have great insight to wedding vendors and how to work with them. Josh encourages couples to remember that wedding vendors aren’t trying to rip you off. They want to create something amazing so that you will have an unforgettable celebration of your marriage. You can’t have high quality vendors and only be concerned with price. The schisters, according to Josh, are the ones who only focus on price and don’t talk about providing creative or unique services. Hear more advice from Josh and Britt about selecting and working with vendors on this episode.

The celebration of a marriage shouldn’t ever be for someone that isn’t you

How to downsize your wedding and your stress

If you decide to have a smaller, more intimate wedding, you also increase the opportunity for a more individualized ceremony. You can spend more money on the destination. And you can focus on only the things that are important to you and your partner. The Elopement Collective creates beautiful, high quality weddings by partnering with the best vendors and providing individualized service. Listen as they share from their vast experience of wedding planning to learn how you can downsize your wedding and your stress, on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

I just think you need to throw out everyone’s expectations and, like I’ve said to lots of couples, invite them in only if they resonate with you

Listen to episode 378 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Show Highlights

[0:25] Josh and Britt Withers, creators of The Elopement Collective, join the Bridechilla podcast to discuss marrying people and creating a wedding for couples who don’t want to plan a huge wedding.
[3:27] Britt talks about the origins of their company and what they do for people.
[6:14] Why spending so much money on a wedding and having such high expectations can set couples up for disappointment in their wedding.
[9:42] How can couples be empowered to make the choice to have the kind of wedding that they want rather than doing what tradition or family says you should do.
[13:34] Couples can decide what and who they value and spend and invite based on that agreement.
[21:51] Josh explains why wedding vendors aren’t the problem even though they get a bad reputation.
[26:43] How to be aware of the vendors who are trying to take advantage of you
[29:29] The different places that The Elopement Collective can provide their services for your wedding and future plans.
[35:40] How to get in touch with Josh to be the officiant of your wedding

Meet The Elopement Collective

The elopement collective is a squad of wedding industry leaders that create epic elopements in Australia, New Zealand, Bali, Europe, and the USA. Lead by the husband and wife team of Josh Withers and Britt Snow, and originally known as The Pop-Up Wedding Co., we are passionate about celebrating marriage in a personal and real way.

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Listen to Josh's Podcast, The Rebel’s Guide To Getting Married!

Getting married is plagued with decades of tradition and culture telling you how to do it, so Josh is presenting a different way, the rebel’s way, this is The Rebel’s Guide To Getting Married!

The Rebel’s Guide To Getting Married is a podcast and vlog created by Josh and sometimes featuring his friends and couples. We just want you to have a personal and fun wedding. Listen right now, or subscribe for free on Apple devices, Android phones, on Spotify, in Anchor, other apps, or through your email, and you can watch the vlog by subscribing to my YouTube channel. If you’ve gotten this far in the click game, there’s also a Facebook page and Instagram account begging for your approval.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by BRUNO CERVERA

June 24, 2019

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377- Building Strong Wedding Vendor Relationships

by Aleisha June 17, 2019

written by Aleisha

How friendly should you be with your wedding vendors? Should you 'feel a connection with them' in order to work with them and how do you break up if things aren't going as you had planned? This episode Ellie and Rachel from The Business Proposal Podcast join Aleisha to talk about how to hire the right wedding vendors. Wedding planning can be an emotional rollercoaster. You have to juggle family relationships, your finances, your significant other, and a ton of vendors all while trying to create an event that celebrates your love and will be memorable for the rest of your life. It is a lot of pressure. Rachel and Ellie are wedding professionals who want to help vendors and couples reduce the stress and anxiety of wedding planning. They have experience and advice that can make the vendor selection process and working relationship much smoother.

Listen to episode 377 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Is this vendor right for me?

When planning a wedding, there is a long list of vendors you must consider hiring. From hair and makeup, to floral arrangements, to catering, the list goes on and on. How do you hire a quality vendor who can deliver the job you want in a price range you can afford? How can you ensure that you hire the vendor that is right for your wedding? Do you look for the least expensive? Or do you spare no expense and hire only the best? Rachel and Ellie answer those questions and more. They give advice for what to look for and what to avoid when considering vendors.

You can’t know if the person is right for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for.

How to navigate the first meeting with a vendor

After you’ve narrowed the list of vendors for your wedding, how do you navigate the initial meeting and relationship with them to determine if they are a good fit? It is important to remember that vendors are also trying to determine if the couple is right for them. Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to be best friends with someone providing a service for you, you just have to determine whether or not you can work with them. Rachel discusses how she approaches the initial meeting with potential clients. She also encourages couples not to be afraid of walking away after the initial meeting if that vendor is not a good fit.

Photo by Carly Rae Hobbins

Get what you want by knowing what you want.

One key in hiring the right wedding vendor is to know what you want. How can you get what you want if you don’t know what that is? Before meeting with vendors, couples should prepare in advance. They should determine their desired outcomes for the wedding. They should also have a clearly defined budget. Once you know what you are looking for, you can then compare that with what the vendor offers to see if they are in alignment. Preparation will make meeting with and selecting vendors a much smoother process.

I don’t want to tell you about my hopes and dreams, I just want to know how much it costs!

Know which questions to ask your wedding vendors

Don’t automatically assume that vendors are going to bite your head off for you asking them to do that job that you’ve paid them to do

Helping Vendors Capture Your Vision

Most vendors really want to serve their clients well. Not only do they want to do a great job for your wedding, but they also know that they are earning referrals and potential clients from every wedding. What do you do when you aren’t pleased with the job they are doing? How can you make sure your vendor is accomplishing what they’ve been hired to do without ruining the relationship. Rachel and Ellie encourage couples to communicate clearly and respectfully. Know that you are worth enough to ask for what you want from a vendor. You can be sure that any vendor worth their salt will do everything they can to try and accommodate your requests. Hear about that and much more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

sweet-ice-cream-photography-113287-unsplash

Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography

Show Highlights

[0:34] Introduction of guests Rachel and Ellie from the Business Proposal Podcast. Rachel and Ellie are both wedding creatives who are helping couples learn how to navigate the unique challenges of planning their wedding.
[6:45] How to connect with vendors and make the choice of whether or not to hire a particular vendor.
[11:08] As a vendor, Rachel discusses how she approaches the initial relationship with potential clients.
[13:36] Steps couples can take to discover if a vendor is the right fit for the wedding you are planning.
[16:44] How vendors can make sure that both people are involved in the wedding planning process.
[24:29] The Business Proposal podcast covers a variety of topics that are beneficial not only to couples but also to wedding vendors.
[26:34] When you aren’t satisfied with the job a vendor is doing, how can you approach them in a way that doesn’t damage the relationship and actually resolves the issue.
[31:25] Through the emotions, expectations, relationships and all that go along with planning a wedding, how to remember that working with vendors is still a business transaction
[35:22] How you can be sure that you’ve asked the right questions of vendors you are considering to hire.

Listen to episode 377 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Meet this episode's guests, Ellie and Rachel

Rachel is the wedding designer, maker, paper addict, confetti thrower and cat cuddler, behind Rachel Emma Studio. She spends most of her time in her home studio making wedding stationery and decor and dreaming about a world without chair covers and moths.
She is happiest up a ladder carrying giant paper flowers, and her favourite things include: a fresh notebook, geeking out about business, Trello, stingrays and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ellie is the tour de (Yorkshire) force behind The Wedding Enthusiast and The Enthusiast. On a mission to make the world a more enthusiastic place, she spends her days helping wedding businesses with their copy, blogs, and orders, as well as assisting couples with styling and running The Enthusiast. She’s a dab hand at making tea (seriously - it’s on her CV), eating too much of the cake mix to make the actual cake, and crying too much at Floridian sunsets, much to the dismay of her ever-disapproving family. She’s a quarter of the A Most Curious Wedding Fair team, and a regular contributor at Rock ‘n’ Roll Bride, The Un-Wedding, and Way Out Wedding, amongst some wonderful others.

Subscribe to the Business Proposal Podcast Here.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Dmitriy Nushtaev

June 17, 2019

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376- Money Talk. Wedding Planning Money Q&A

by Aleisha June 10, 2019

written by Aleisha

It has been said that money talks. However very few people are willing to talk about Money. Shannah Compton Game, CFP®, MBA, creator of the Millennial Money Podcast is out to tackle the taboo, strip away the stigma, and get people talking about their money. She joins the Bridechilla podcast to answer listener submitted questions about the financial aspect of planning a wedding. The difficulties and nuances of money, when combined with a new marriage, can cause major issues. But it doesn’t have to. Listen now to hear Shannah and Aleisha discuss your questions and start helping you talk about your money so your money can talk.

Listen to episode 376 of The Bridechilla Podcast

The feeling of getting rid of debt...is like running into the water naked!

Marriage and mountains of debt

One of the increasingly difficult issues facing millennials is debt. From credit cards, to car loans, to mortgages, to the ever looming student loan, there are so many ways that couples can start off with loads of debt. How can you ever afford to pay for a great wedding when you have all these bills? Listener Rach writes in to ask if she and her fiance should lower their loan payments so they can have the wedding they want? Shannah explains how couples can plan an amazing wedding without taking on even more debt or even sacrificing their current debt repayment plan.

The keys to communication

Communication is key in every major relationship in life. You have to be able to communicate to your boss, co-workers, clients, parents, and the person behind the counter at the fast food restaurant. Communication in a marriage is doubly important, and it starts even during the wedding planning stage. Throughout this episode Shannah encourages couples to develop open lines of communication with each other. She says to start with tackling the big, difficult conversations so you will lay the foundations for great communication during your marriage.

If you just had a simple 5-10 minute conversation about it, maybe you’d be able to say 'hey this isn’t that big of a deal'

Photo by Justin Follis

How much you invest in your wedding is completely dependent on what you can afford and what you place value in this party, this celebration.

Don’t break the bank to make memories

You want to have a special wedding with the people who matter the most to you. And you want to make great memories you can look back on with fondness for years to come. So what does it take to really plan great experiences that you’ll never forget? Bridechilla April asks how she should handle a situation with her maid of honor who is planning lavish and expensive pre-wedding events that other bridesmaids would struggle to afford. Shannah explains how spending more money doesn’t necessarily mean a better, more memorable experience and how you can do a lot with only a little bit of money. She also addresses the temptation of overgifting at a wedding.

If there is an insistence of signing a prenup, first you gotta really understand what’s in that prenup and the only way you can do that, in my opinion, is hiring your own attorney.

Prenup or Blackmail?

Laura’s fiance is part of a family business that could employ Laura after the wedding. However, her future in-laws have requested that Laura sign a prenuptial agreement. Is signing a prenup is a good idea? And how can you tell if it is really a prenuptial agreement or just blackmail? Shannah advises having your own lawyer involved when considering a prenuptial agreement. Listen to her advice about that and many other topics on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Photo by Christin Hume

Listen to episode 376 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Show Highlights

[0:33] Introduction of Shannah Game, creator of the Millennial Money Podcast. She joins the show to answers wedding planning and money questions from the Bridechilla community.
[4:58] The importance of creating an environment of open communication in a marriage, especially when it involves money.
[9:47] Rach is struggling with sticker shock over the cost of a wedding, while she and her spouse are also trying to pay off student loans. She asks for advice on how whether she should reduce their loan payments in order to pay for the wedding.
[15:20] Leigh Ann confesses that because her fiance doesn’t understand the high cost of planning a wedding, she was dishonest with him about an item she bought.
[23:20] April’s Maid of Honor is planning great but expensive bachelorette party. How do you keep they cost down for the bridesmaids who don’t want to spend as much?
[30:11] Aleisha talks about the trend of over-gifting that seems to be increasing in weddings
[32:;20] Laura asks about a prenuptial agreement due to potentially joining her husbands family business after the wedding.
[37:48] Shannah plugs her show and shares about more of her content and how to get more information about Millennial Money Podcast.

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Shannah Game is the creator of the Millennial Money Podcast. She is a certified Financial planner with a passion to take the stigma away from talking about money. With over 5.5 million listeners in over 146 countries, Shannah has created a vibrant community where talking about money problems and questions are welcomed and encouraged. Her goal is to help people become empowered to take control of their finances so that they can maximize their money’s impact.

Subscribe to the Podcast
Visit Shannah's Website: Your Millennial Money Podcast

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Shanique Wright

June 10, 2019

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375- Wedding Traditions, Dresses, and Parents Q&A with Aleisha

by Aleisha June 3, 2019

written by Aleisha

In this episode, you’ll hear questions from the Bridechilla community about how to handle the wedding dress being ruined three weeks before the ceremony, how to deal with parents overstepping boundaries, and a great story about a ditching wedding traditions and going your own way. Listen for the great advice that can help you with similar issues when planning your wedding

Listen to episode 375 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Creating new wedding traditions when the old ones don’t apply

The Bridechilla community knows that traditions can be taken or left. No tradition is more important that the wishes and desires of the couple getting married. Erin is the quintessential Bridechilla who is not only rejecting old, irrelevant traditions, but is also creating new and unique traditions. Some of her plans had to be altered due to the fact that her Mom and Dad have passed away. She has found creative ways to honor them while having a customized wedding that is sure to be special. Listen as Erin gives an update about her wedding plans.

If you can attach a meaning to a tradition, then do it. But if you can’t, then ditch it

What to do when they messed up the dress

Bridechilla Kate has a huge dress dilemma. Alterations ruined her dress and she only has three weeks until the wedding. As you can imagine she is stressed out and unsure of what to do. She wants to wear a dress that she looks and feels great in but is afraid that finding another one in such a short amount of time might be impossible. Aleisha gives Kate advice about how to find another dress quickly and what recourse she has with the vendor who messed up the dress.

Lady wearing white wedding dress walking

Photo by Melody Jacob

If you are going into a situation potentially with a vendor that isn’t offering you a contract then it’s not great

Get it right, get it in writing

If you are in the midst of hiring vendors now or have had issues with vendors before, this is an episode you don’t want to miss. While answering the question about the ruined dress, Aleisha recalls a previous episode of the Bridechilla podcast with a guest who is a wedding lawyer. She recaps some of the great information discussed on that episode. When dealing with vendors, it is critical to get things in writing. Vendors should provide written contracts, but if they don’t you can create one. Listen to this episode to hear Aleisha’s advice about how to make sure you are treated fairly and get the service you deserve.

We can’t make our parents. They made us. But that doesn’t mean that we as children have to go along with all the shit that they sometimes pull

Photo by Alasdair Elmes

Wedding planning with parents

Involving parents in your wedding planning can be both a blessing and a curse. While they can be a source of support and encouragement, they can also be opinionated or demanding. Everyone’s relationship with their parents is different. Bridechilla Claire asks how to deal with her dad who is not respecting her wishes for her wedding. How do you handle a parent who is imposing his will on the wedding? Aleisha suggests that, because you know your relatives and parents well, you can judge whether or not they will behave on the wedding day or if the should be left out of the ceremony. She also encourages Bridechillas to consider the parent’s perspective as well and how they have probably dreamed about your wedding for longer than you have. She gives advice for how to acknowledge that reality while still maintaining your plans. Hear all about that and much more on the Bridechilla podcast.

Show Highlights

[0:27] Introduction of the Bridechilla podcast, this question and answer episode episode and the upcoming 5 year anniversary.
[3:18] Aleisha thanks everyone for their reviews and tells where you can purchase Bridechilla items. She also explains how you can submit questions for Q&A episodes
[4:28] Bridechilla Erin talks about how she and her fiance are planning their nontraditional wedding and how they are going to handle not having her parents at the wedding
[6:44] Erin tells a story about a wedding she was at recently where a groom got really drunk and, during the garter toss, spent a really long time under the brides dress.
[9:41] Kate asks an urgent question about her wedding dress that was ruined by alterations three weeks prior to her wedding day.
[11:32] Aliesha gives advice for how to handle a vendor when they don’t fulfill their obligation for the wedding.
[13:16] What to do if you are dealing with a vendor that isn’t giving you a contract.
[26:27] How to deal with a parent who is making the wedding day about him and not respecting the brides wishes.

Listen to episode 375 of The Bridechilla Podcast

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Mark Zamora

June 3, 2019

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374- Wedding Planning Q&A with Michelle Durpetti

by Aleisha May 27, 2019

written by Aleisha

On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Michelle Durpetti joins Aleisha to answer questions about planning a wedding submitted by the Bridechilla community. Michelle has produced over 350 weddings and events and brings a wealth of knowledge about how to plan the wedding you want. During this episode she shares her perspective on the timeline and agenda of a wedding, how to communicate clearly to those involved or attending the wedding, and answers several other questions. The questions submitted by the Bridechilla community are always incredibly thoughtful and helpful to other brides in the planning stages of their wedding, so be sure to listen and learn during this podcast.

Listen to the episode

How to create a great wedding schedule

Any event has a schedule or agenda that it follows. This allows anyone that is a part of that event to plan and prepare. It also sets expectations of the attendees. A wedding is no different. There is a structure and agenda that is followed so that everything the bride and groom have dreamed of can be accomplished. During this conversation, Michelle shares how she approaches creating a schedule for a wedding and the benefits of a well-thought out plan. Michelle says, “The timeline isn’t only the thing that you adhere to while you are in the day, it is also becomes a checklist leading into it to make sure all your I’s are dotted and your T’s are crossed.”

The timeline isn’t only the thing that you adhere to while you are in the day, it is also becomes a checklist leading into it to make sure all your I’s are dotted and your T’s are crossed

Destination wedding planning for the travel-averse

Planning a destination wedding can be so exciting. Bridechilla Chelsea is having a destination wedding in France that sounds absolutely wonderful. She asks for advice on how to make her travel averse parents and other guest feel welcome and comfortable during their time in a foreign country. She also asks how she can help break the ice and facilitate connection between guests who don’t know each other. Michelle gives advice for creating a welcome package for the guests that will help them enjoy their time and their surroundings. She also shares ideas for icebreakers and mixers prior to the wedding.

Photo by Alireza Dolati

At the end of the day, they aren’t really opposed to [a nontraditional wedding] so much as they don’t understand it.

Navigating the difficulty of financial assistance with strings attached

Getting married can be expensive and paying for the wedding can be difficult. It’s nice to have parents or relatives who are willing to contribute financially. But what do you do when those donors start sharing their opinions about the ceremony? And what if those opinions don’t reflect the kind of wedding you and your partner would like to have? It’s a tricky dilemma but not one that should ruin your day. Michelle talks about communicating clearly with donors and also considering ways to compromise so that the people you love are able to fully celebrate on your wedding day. Hear her advice on this and much more during this podcast.

If your choice is to celebrate your marriage at 11 o’clock in the morning and you want to dance and 2 o’clock to celebrate that, then by all means dance

How to enhance a midday wedding celebration

There is no such thing as the wedding police. And there is no right or wrong way to get married. It is important for couples to plan the kind of wedding they want to have regardless of what traditions or customs might be imposed in their culture. Bridechilla Jaime asks about planning an 11:00am wedding and how that might affect both the scheduling of the day and the party-like atmosphere that she still hopes to create. Regardless of the time of day, you can create the kind of atmosphere you desire with proper planning, communication, and maybe a little booze. Listen as Michelle answers this and other questions during this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

bride wearing a hat and carrying a bouquet

Photo by Adrianna Van Groningen

There really is no such thing as far as I know anywhere in the world as the wedding police!

New to the Bridechilla Podcast? Subscribe and listen!

Show Highlights

[0:37] Introduction of the episode and guest Michelle Durpett, a wedding and event planner from Chicago.
[4:00] Michelle shares what she learned from doing corporate events that she has applied to planning weddings.
[7:10] Tips for developing and sticking to the timeline for your wedding, and how the timeline helps both on the day of the wedding and prior to the day.
[11:45] Bridechilla Chelsea asks about tips for hospitality for a destination wedding in France.
[16:47] How to talk with parents who have donated to the wedding and are fighting against a less-traditional wedding
[26:22] Jaime is having a lunchtime wedding and wants to know about what kind of timeline plans she should consider with such an early wedding.
[33:16] Sydney asks about save-the-dates to people she’s inviting to the reception but not the ceremony.
[37:20] Michelle shares how brides can get in touch with her and potentially hire her to plan their wedding.

Listen to the episode

Meet Michelle Durpetti

Since the inception of Michelle Durpetti Events in 2008, Michelle has planned and produced over 300 weddings and events including some of Chicago’s most notable, celeb-studded events such as the Chicago Gateway Green’s annual Green Tie Ball, the Fiera Italiana, in conjunction with the annual Columbus Day Parade, for the Joint Civic Committee of Italian Americans, and the Chicago Hunter Derby. Michelle was recently named one of the Top 50 Planners in the country by Partyslate and has been featured both nationally and locally by publications such as Inside Weddings, Style Me Pretty, Grace Ormonde, Modern Luxury Weddings, Strictly Weddings, Today's Chicago Woman Magazine and more.At almost the ten year marker with MDE, Michelle still

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Morgan McDonald

May 27, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Real Bridechilla Weddings

Vanessa and Chad’s Intimate DIY Destination South African Wedding

by Aleisha May 23, 2019

written by Aleisha

Bridechilla, Vanessa and Chad were married at the Chelaya Country Lodge in Somerset West, Cape Town, South Africa. They took on the rather daunting task of DIYing their wedding and in this Bridechilla Graduate post, Vanessa shares her best DIY Wedding tips and is very candid about the highs and lows of wedding planning andthe journey they undertook to ditch traditions and all of the extra 'things' that they thought they needed to plan a wedding and instead plan two week wedding celebration with 25 of their family and friends.

Describe your event in 10 words or less.

DIY-tastic, imperfect-perfection, FUN, heartfelt, OURS.

What was the theme/vibe/feels of your wedding?

Though Pinterest still tried to sneak its way in and lead me astray, we planned two weeks of adventures in South Africa (just because) for 25 friends and family.
A week drinking wine and getting married near Cape Town and a week on safari in Kruger. We explored Cape Town together, we went wine-tasting, we went on safari and one sunny afternoon we got married in the garden of the cute old farmhouse we were all staying in! We had a 2pm ceremony, an afternoon picnic and an evening sit-down dinner.
I have lived overseas my entire adult life, moving often, so missed the whole 'wedding phase' which actually turned out to be a blessing. I came into this with no preconceived ideas of what a wedding 'should' be. I soon realised, that aside from a couple of key legal sentences it would be whatever we wanted which was incredibly liberating!

What was your wedding budget?

We spent max $18,000 for international flights, one week in the Cape Winelands (not incl. the second week of safari), accommodation for all our guests and absolutely everything for the wedding. My point here is that you CAN do something amazing with a small(er) amount of money if you’re willing to think outside the box.

Our priorities were, not blowing a fuck ton of money, doing as much as we could ourselves so we felt like we created our own day rather than just rock up to someone else's design, lots of good food and wine, a relaxed vibe and a real feeling of intimacy and love!

What did you learn from DIYing most of the day?

Only get stuck into DIY if it’s something you enjoy and you’re doing it for personal satisfaction. I am very creative (not skilled, just enjoy!) and we did EVERYTHING ourselves and with the help of family and friends: my Mum made my dress, my FIL made our ring box, I made the cake, me and my girls did all the flowers, I made the boutonnieres (sea glass, a little nod to our lives as a scuba instructors), my husband made an entire tabletop for our picnic, we did our own picnic food, wrote our own playlists, made all our own stationary/signage, built a tepee etc. etc. etc. I had the luxury of time during this planning process: if you don’t, limit yourself to fewer projects or there’s every chance you’ll lose your mind

We learned that it was the ‘little things’ that our guests loved and appreciated the most: handmade cards with personalized ‘love letters’ to be read during the ceremony, love quote cards at each person’s place at dinner, hand painted welcome tote bags, home-made (elephant-shaped!) cookies. All the things that cost next to nothing! You don’t need to spend mega bucks to warm someone’s heart.

If DIY is not your thing, I still suggest finding just a couple of little things to tackle yourself/with your families to make the event your own. Nothing about our day was picture perfect/Pinterest-worthy but I am so proud of what we created together and it means the world to me that others got involved and did so much for us. My Mum put in literally a thousand hours researching and making my dress: that’s worth more than anything I could ever buy in the fanciest store!

I surprised Chad with a love song I wrote for him and we wrote individual love letters for our guests on handmade cards which they opened during the ceremony.

Favorite part of your wedding day

Hands down, the ceremony. We both felt people forget about this part and, really, it's the most important part of the whole event. We had every guest in tears. We wrote the entire thing ourselves. I surprised Chad with a love song I wrote for him and we wrote individual love letters for our guests on handmade cards which they opened during the ceremony.

And your second favorite part of your wedding day...

The Silent disco!
SO. MUCH. FUN. If you have a small group and are not sure how the evening will progress – will they dance, will it be a party – SILENT DISCO is your friend! This was one of the best choices we made and it turned a very pleasant evening into an absolute BLAST! And a 4am blinder for many of our guests. It was a gamble, we had no idea what the vibe would be, come evening but as soon as one guest discovered it, that was it, everyone went crazy!

What was totally worth it?

I put in so much time and energy but it was totally worth it to me as I am creative and found huge satisfaction in it. It's actually leading me down a new career path as an elopement planner hopefully! Some of the simplest details like the love letters for guests were very much worth the effort, they were so appreciated. The multiple cake trials: worth it!

Photography: this was our relative ‘splurge’ and we’re so glad. We asked for lots of candids and they are our absolute favourites, not the posed ‘perfect’ ones. We also paid for a one hour shoot the day after at sunset. This was a fabulous time to get the amazing landscape shots we dreamed of: no hair, no makeup, just the wild ocean. We also took the opportunity to share our vows with each other a second time to really absorb them peacefully. And, my biggest advice for photography, wait for your photos and get them at a time when you and your spouse can sit and enjoy them together. We asked our photographer to wait ten weeks and to send them to us on a specific day when we knew we would be free together. By this stage, the madness had passed, we were back to ‘normal’ and looking through them and reliving everything was just beautiful. Fight the urge for instant gratification: it’s worth the wait!

What was not worth it?

My regrets! Making choices too soon and succumbing to Pinterest: I spent $200 on fucking robes very early on simply because ‘that’s what one does’. My girls aren’t the robe wearing sorts AT ALL.
Fortunately, this was a one-off mistake and all future choices were made without the ‘help’ of Pinterest. My one real regret is not thinking to film the ceremony, at least on a GoPro. I didn’t want a videographer and am happy with that choice but some truly beautiful words were spoken at our ceremony – by our siblings and our parents – and I would love to hear them again and really absorb them.

Stay away from Pinterest, fancy wedding blogs etc. Nothing about your day 'should' be anything.

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

Everything. The best advice I heard on Bridechilla was to throw the whole damn wedding in, then pull out the parts you and your future spouse actually want. For us, a lot stayed in: speeches, formal dances, cutting of the cake (just eat the damn thing!), being 'given away' (we walked in together), matchy matchy expensive bridal party outfits (girls: short white dress, guys: grey pants, white shirt).

Do not do anything just so you can get a nice photo and show it off on Facebook!

What advice do you have for other couples planning their weddings?

"Comparison is the thief of joy". Stay away from Pinterest, fancy wedding blogs etc. Nothing about your day 'should' be anything.
This is tough but I tried to have stern words with myself during the planning process and stay honest with myself: do not do anything just so you can get a nice photo and show it off on Facebook! That is your ego at work. If there wasn't ever going to a photo of it, would you still do it? If the answer is no, STOP doing it and focus your energies elsewhere.

How did Bridechilla help you plan your wedding?

Saved my sanity, truly. I love remotely and was planning a destination wedding so I had a very limited support network. The Chillas were my virtual bridesmaids! And a phenomenal sounding board to figure out details and keep the Pinterest monsters at bay.

Which Bridechilla resources did you use when planning your wedding?

The Bridechilla Podcast, The Bridechilla Blog, Bridechilla Community on Facebook

Biggest lessons learned from wedding planning

If at all possible, extend the event to more than a few hours: a weekend or more if you can! For us, the day itself was magical but everything either side was just as special and allowed us to spend so much time with loved ones. It made the months and months of effort all seem worthwhile.

Small weddings are just as much work as bigger weddings! You still need to go through all the same stages of planning, you still need to find all the same vendors etc. However, the true beauty of a small wedding is on the day itself: you have time! Time to relax, time to chat to everyone, time to make memories, time to have fun. At no stage did my husband and I feel rushed or like time was passing by too quickly.
Put time and energy into your ceremony. It was our favourite part of the day, hands down. I smiled so much my face hurt and I have never felt so enveloped in love in my life! Don’t be scared to make it your own. We wrote it ourselves and had our siblings officiate. We walked down the ‘aisle’/garden path together as my BIL played guitar. We sat for the majority of the ceremony, standing just for our vows. We all had drinks before, during, and after! We had our parents share their marriage advice. And, my favourite part, I surprised my husband with a song I had written for him. We live on a small boat and work together 24/7 so I was so happy I could keep this one little thing a secret!
Fight the pressure for perfection! Easier said than done, I know. We all succumb to it. I worried about my skin, about my squint teeth, about my bazillion smile lines. It turns out I only wore one earring for about half the day, my hair was hanging messily around my face from dancing too hard! All those imperfections are staring back at me in the photos but, truly, all I see now is HAPPINESS! I’m NOT perfect, you’re not perfect and THAT’S OK coz we ARE all awesome!

Planning a destination Wedding- How did you connect with vendors?

If, like us, you are finding all your own vendors – especially from afar - absolutely trust your gut. For me, communication is key and if I didn’t immediately get the right vibe via e-mail it was a firm NO. I did a ton or research, reached out to so many people and ended up with the most incredible team. People we'd never met till the week before made our day more than we ever dreamed of.

I loved planning, absolutely thrived on it, and planned every last detail of our entire two-week event. I can’t lie: it was so much work. If it brings you pleasure like it did me, great! If it doesn’t, and it’s in your budget, hire a planner. The whole process of the wedding should be HAPPY, not just the day itself. It really saddens me how many Chillas are bogged down by problems, stress and drama. If you’re unhappy, it’s in your power to change it. I know it may not be easy, but you can do it.

For me, wedding planning was life-changing. It brought me huge pleasure, taught me new skills, revealed new passions. I have plans slowly formulating to start my own elopement company.

For those still planning, the very best advice I heard here… Throw the whole wedding in the Fuck It Bucket. The whole damn thing! Now, start pulling out the things you and your partner actually WANT!

HAPPY DAYS!

Vanessa and Chad's Rockstar Vendors

Photographer: stellasassen.co.za
Rentals: Goeters: www.baiegoeters.co.za
Private Chef: Flying Pan: www.flyingpan.co.za
Silent Disco: White Noise: www.whitenoise.co.za

May 23, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

373- Wedding Planning Q&A Groom Edition

by Aleisha May 20, 2019

written by Aleisha

Nathan Bellah of Generationtux.com joins the Bridechilla podcast for a special question and answer episode dedicated to the grooms. Founded by business trailblazer and retail icon George Zimmer, Generation Tux is the best suit and tuxedo rental experience available today, distinguished by unrivaled quality, style and variety, a digital-first, simple and convenient shopping and event management experience, and direct-to-your-door tailoring services with skilled tailors. During this episode Nathan answers the questions that will help Groomchillas look and feel their absolute best for their wedding.

Listen to episode 373 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Getting suited up

Timing is everything. When planning a wedding you don’t want to wait until the last minute to finalize details. So when in the planning schedule should the groom’s tux be secured? Nathan says that typically it is best to start the suit buying process four months before the big day so that swatches can be delivered and color matching is taken care of. Given that many guys don’t wear suits as much for work or other occasions, it is best to set the expectation that buying the right suit will take some time. However, putting in the extra effort will ensure that you are suited up and looking great on your wedding day.

A lot of people don’t understand that a well-made suit, 100% wool, is a lightweight suit. It is made to breathe.

Photo by Jason Briscoe

Getting the groomsman suited up

One of the difficult aspects of having a wedding is asking your friends to not only be a part of the wedding, but also spend their own money for their outfit. Most groomsmen will be responsible for buying their own suit. So how can the groom help his wedding party understand the investment value of the suit? First, it is important to know that you don’t have to spend thousands of dollars to have a great looking suit. One way to ensure that the groomsmen look great and feel confident about their purchase is to allow them to have input. Listen as Nathan and Aleisha discuss other ways to help groomsmen feel comfortable buying and wearing their suit.

A lot of guys aren’t wearing suits as much for work. It can be a little daunting.

Photo by Javier Reyes

Planning is a shared responsibility

The wedding industry is notorious for gearing their advertising and messaging only to the bride. However, increasingly the responsibility of planning the wedding is a shared responsibility. Grooms are showing more interest and input in what they dream of for their wedding day. How can couples help dispel the myth that wedding planning is only for the brides? And how can vendors better serve their couples by considering the shared investment and responsibility. Hear all about that and more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Have someone either help you or at least give you some advice on what looks good. You just don’t want to sit there and go blind on any of that. And a lot of people just don’t ask for help.

Groomsmen wearing generationtux.com Cement Gray Notch Lapel Suit

The most important factor of establishing what the groom and groomsmen are gonna wear is based on color matching for the accessories for what the bride is dreaming about

Common questions about wedding planning with grooms

The Bridechilla Community had many questions regarding Groomchillas and wedding planning. When is the best time to get a haircut/beard trim prior to the wedding? How can you stay cool during the wedding when wearing a suit? What if the groom isn’t comfortable wearing a suit? Are their alternatives to formal attire? And what about gifts for the groomsmen? How do you buy a gift that is both inexpensive and meaningful? During this podcast, Nathan and Aleisha discuss these questions and offer practical advice for brides and grooms in the community. Listen now to hear their insight and answers on the Bridechilla podcast.

Photo by Jacalyn Beales

Listen to episode 373 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Show Highlights

[0:20] Introduction of the Groomchilla question and answer episode and introduction of Nathan Bellah of Generationtux.com.
[4:27] Olivia asks about the time frame for getting the grooms suit secured and for tips on how to get guys to relax when looking for a suit.
[9:37] How to get all of the groomsmens suits to match when they are having to foot the bill themselves.
[14:55] Amber wants to know how to fight the message that the wedding is all about the bride so that the groom has ownership over the planning.
[17:08] How to handle vendors who only address the bride in communication when both the bride and groom are working together in the planning.
[23:41] What is the timeline for the grooming schedule prior to the wedding. When should they get a haircut, beartrim, etc.?
[30:23] Because some grooms are comfortable in formal attire, are there any alternatives for the groom beyond a full suit?
[36:49] How do you pull off mismatched groomsmen outfits without making it look sloppy?
[38:56] What do you buy for your groomsmen when they are all married and have received all the token knick-knacks in prior weddings?
[44:28] Where can you find good fitting suits for ladies?

About Generation Tux

Most formal wear takes days to rent, requires multiple store visits, and is plagued by ill-fitting products that cost much more than renters anticipate and are often received the day before the event. Generation Tux is geared to simplify every step: visualizing colors and style choices, managing large groups across the country, delivering outfits seven days prior to the event for early try-on and reducing the time and cost of getting into and out of a great fitting tuxedo or suit.

Save 10% off your Generationtux.com order by using the code BRIDECHILLA.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Shamim Nakhaei

May 20, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

372- Bridechilla Wedding Planning Q&A

by Aleisha May 13, 2019

written by Aleisha

If you have questions about planning your wedding and are looking for some great advice and a lot of fun, then be sure to listen to this episode of the Bridechilla podcast. Aleisha catches up on her voicemail by answering questions left by members of the bridechilla community. The Bridechilla podcast doesn’t just talk about flower colors or types of dresses. We talk about the serious, sometimes difficult side of planning a wedding that can affect real life and close relationships. During this podcast, Aleisha addresses the issue of taking your partner’s last name, breaking off an engagement, dealing with a double-booked venue and even how to handle citizenship issues when planning your wedding.

Listen to episode 372 of Bridechilla

Bride and groom posing next to a combi van

Photo by Jessica Rockowitz

HI, my name is...

The Bridechilla community knows that no tradition should be blindly accepted. If the tradition serves a purpose in your wedding, then by all means use it. But there is no obligation to follow particular customs without consideration or reasoning. One such tradition is taking your partner’s last name. Bridechilla Kelsey is not taking her partner’s last name and wants to know how to deal with family members and friends who assume that she is. Aleisha also helps Kelsey and the Bridechilla community consider how to handle the family name for when they have children.

We are in a time where we have so many options, there is flexibility. It is not taboo to not take your partner’s name when it comes to getting hitched.

Do you double down if they double book?

Brianna called Aleisha to find out what to do about her wedding venue. After booking two rooms at the same venue for both the ceremony and reception and paying a downpayment, Brianna received word that the venue had double booked and wants to cancel one of the rooms. To complicate matters, Brianna and her fiance both work at the venue. During this question and answer, Aleisha gives advice for how to deal with conflict and how to handle complications when planning your wedding.

Photo by Anna Utochkina

There is no shame in moving on

Before marrying Rich, Aleisha was engaged to another man. To cope with calling off the first wedding, Aleisha did a stand up comedy routine that ultimately led to the start of Bridechilla. When Bridechillas Tori and Rach both have questions about how to move on with their wedding planning after having ended a previous engagement to another man, Aleisha is able to give first-hand advice. There can be shame and guilt that accompanies difficult breakups. Nothing should keep you from moving on and finding happiness in another relationship.

I think we need to embrace these ups and downs and not feel the shame attached to them because that doesn’t get you anywhere.

Finding happiness in your wedding planning

The goal of wedding planning is to decide what you want and what makes you happy and then do it. Wedding planning can reveal a lot about your life and priorities. While planning her wedding, El discovered that she is missing close relationships with friends. She is struggling to decide who to invite to be her bridesmaids and asks Aleisha for advice. Listen as Aleisha encourages El and reminds the Bridechilla community of how comparison can rob you of satisfaction in your own wedding. Hear all that and much more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Photo by Rachel Lees

Instead of feeling bad that this is being tainted in some sort of way, see it as a really positive step and a huge milestone in your relationship

Listen to episode 372 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[1:10] Aleisha introduces this episode, during which she answers questions left on voicemail from the bridechilla community.
[3:32] Kelsy’s question is about how to nicely deal with people who criticize her for not taking her partner’s last name. Also how to handle a family name when children come along.
[9:04] Bridechilla Becca calls to say thank you to Aleisha for giving her the courage to make the decisions that she wants for her wedding
[10:13] Brianna’s venue (which she actually works at) double-booked and is asking them to make a change that they don’t want to. What should she do?
[20:57] New-to-Bridechilla Tori wants to know how to announce her engagement after having broken off an unhealthy prior engagement to another guy.
[27:18] Rach wants to know whether she should invite her Mother to her wedding after a rocky relationship.
[34:10] El from New Jersey, realized through wedding planning that she doesn’t have the close relationships she wishes she had and wants advice on what to do?
[37:28] Laura wants to know how to plan a low-key courthouse wedding prior to their big ceremony in order to help with her Canadian fiance’s citizenship status.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Jonathan Borba

May 13, 2019

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