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Bridechilla Podcast

The Bridechilla Wedding Podcast back catalogue- audio wedding planner. Catch up on all of the past episodes of the podcast, find wedding inspiration and more.

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Let’s Talk About Sex with Caitlin and Michael Doemner

by Aleisha April 15, 2019

written by Aleisha

Want to talk about sex? On this episode of the Bridechilla Podcast we are going to do just that. Guests Caitlin and Michael Doemner join the show to talk about their book Sex Every Day and how they developed a way to prioritize pleasure in their marriage. Busy lives, hectic schedules, unhealthy attitudes and negative past experiences hinder an active and pleasurable sex life. Cailin and Michael share tips for how to open up the conversation and get on the road to a better sex life.

Listen to episode 368 of Bridechilla

Removing barriers that prevent conversations about sex

When two people join in marriage, they each bring their own set of histories and expectations to the marriage, and particularly to the bedroom. It can be difficult to get on the same page in regard to sex. The first step is to have open communication with each other about your wants and desires. However, talking about sex can be awkward. One unique way that Caitlin suggests to start the conversation is by coming up with a menu. Couples can talk about what they would like each day by discussing what they want from the menu. Using creative conversation starters can help remove some of the barriers that stand in the way of healthy communication about sex.

One thing that has been really helpful for us, inside of our bedroom, letting go of that right/wrong, good/bad languaging and instead saying “more or less pleasurable"

How to have sex everyday

Caitlin and Michael have sex everyday. But having sex doesn’t always have to involve intercourse. It is more about experiencing intimacy with your partner everyday. Even when one person might feel tired or sick, there are still opportunities to express and experience intimacy with one another. The key to sex everyday is to prioritize pleasure within the marriage. Listen to this episode to hear great advice for how to do that and much more.

Photo by Autri Taheri

Better sex begins with better conversations

In some traditions and backgrounds, talking about sex is taboo. Some religious traditions associate sex with shame. But if you can’t talk about it with your partner, how will you ever know how to serve and please one another? Couples should seek to create a safe place where sex can be talked about openly. Removing the right/wrong or good/bad language from the conversation can help alleviate shame from the conversation. With time and practice you’ll eventually see progress in your communication and participation with sex.

One of the things that Caitlin and I base our lives on is radical personal responsibility and really just owning every piece of your life.

What are your sex goals?

When it comes to sex or any other aspect of your relationship, how do you define success? Zig Ziglar says, “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” Having goals in marriage will help your relationship progress to greater intimacy and pleasure. The first goal should be to prioritize your spouse, considering their wants and needs above your own. Michael and Caitlin talk about their commitment to radical personal responsibility. They also discuss how intentionality fuels intimacy in marriage. Hear all about that and much more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero

Download the 'Sex Every Day' Menu

Listen to episode 368 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:40] Introduction of guests Caitlin and Michael Doemner, authors of Sex Every Day
[3:37] Michael and Caitlin talk about how they started off in their marriage and how they approached the conversation of sex.
[7:44] What led to writing a book about sex?
[11:59] How to overcome the times when you don’t have the energy to pursue intimacy with your partner.
[15:16] Success in marriage begins by being intentional about investing time and energy in your relationship.
[22:43] Our background and personal history affects the way we deal with sex in marriage.
[28:13] Recognizing where your perception and perspective comes from in regard to what is right and wrong about sex
[34:13] How to connect with Caitlin and Michael and the communities they offer for coaching and help.

Meet Caitlin & Michael Doemner

Caitlin & Michael Doemner met in high school... but they went their own ways after graduation. They reconnected and got married in 2008 with Michael's six year old son as a groomsman. They have been happily married for over ten years and have continued to have sex every day, despite having three more babies and building several successful businesses together!

In their new book Sex Every Day Caitlin & Michael share the 3-step process they use to prioritize sex in their marriage. You can purchase their book at www.SexEveryDayBook.com

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Toa Heftiba

April 15, 2019

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367- Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels

by Aleisha April 8, 2019

written by Aleisha

On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson talk about their book “The New I Do: Reshaping marriage for skeptics, realists and rebels.” Many couples spend a great deal of time planning the wedding day without giving a lot of thought to what happens after the event ends. The reality is, after the wedding the real work of being married begins. Marriage takes work and can often be difficult. Both people bring their own history, expectations and baggage to a marriage. How can you have a successful marriage? And what exactly is the measure of success in marriage? Susan, Vicki and Aleisha discuss all of that and much more during this episode.

Listen to episode 367 of Bridechilla

What is a normal marriage?

Everyone has their own idea of what a marriage could or should look like. Often, this vision of marriage is more of a fairy tale than reality. There are also societal constructs that have imposed a definition of a normal marriage. As the time and ethos changes around the world, perhaps it is time for a new, better definition of what a normal marriage looks like. And perhaps the reality is that there is no such thing as normal. Every individual and couple is different and can define normal in different ways. During this episode, guests Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson encourage couples to ignore the social demands and determine for themselves the type of marriage that works for them.

We just want people to have more conversations going in and more conversations throughout the marriage about what each wants from the marriage and from each other.

How to have a successful marriage

No one gets married hoping it will fail. Most couples get married with the age-old phrase “Til death do us part” as the goal for their marriage. While being married for life is a great aspiration, what if that doesn’t work for some couples. People change over time. Priorities and personalities can shift. Success in a marriage may not mean til death due us part. Could it be that some marriages are a success if they last only for a season of time? This podcast will encourage couples to evaluate their definition of success and avoid being overwhelmed by the pressure of a lifelong partnership.

Photo by Alex Holyoake

What is a prenup and should you have one?

You have probably heard about prenuptial agreements between wealthy or famous couples. But what exactly is a prenuptial agreement and should you have one in place before you get married? While it can sound like a backup plan to the marriage actually working, Susan and Vicki argue that prenups create an open door for important conversations to happen before the wedding. They can be used as a roadmap or marital plan that will help you think through how you will deal with life’s big decisions together. Hear their reasons for considering a prenup during this interview.

What we would really like to see is couples to realize that they can individualize their marriage so that they can decide what will be a successful marriage for them. Ane when more people start realizing that you’ll start to see more happy couples

Marrying consciously

Vicki and Susan write in their book “The New I Do” that 10% of first marriages don’t make it past the fifth year. What is the cause of these short term marriages? Vicki and Susan encourage couples to marry more consciously by asking the question why. Why do you want to get married? What is your motivation? Determining why you want to get married will help reveal some of the overt and covert pressures that can come from society and family about the need to be married and how the marriage should function. It can also help couples decide what model of marriage will work best for them. Listen to this episode to hear about that and so much more on the Bridechilla podcast episode 367 with guests Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson

Photo by sept commercial

Listen to episode 367 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:31] Aleisha introduces guests Susan Peace Gadoua and Vicki Larson who wrote “The New I Do” and discusses the new realities of marriage
[2:47] The interview begins with how Susan and Vicki started writing their book
[5:48] Is “‘til death do us part” the only marker of a successful marriage?
[8:16} vicki tells the story of her parent’s relationship and how they took a nontraditional approach to their marriage.
[12:20] There are many different forms of marriage yet the traditional mindset remains. How can that mindset be shifted?
[16:06} What are prenuptial agreements and how can they be beneficial when getting married?
[21:26} How can you start the conversation with your partner about expectations and wants about the marriage?
[28:55] Vicki and Susan talk about marrying more consciously.
[32:00] Why do people get married at all? Why don’t we just live together? And what do they mean by occupy marriage?
[34:45] Rather than just planning a perfect wedding day, you should consider how it’s going to work after the wedding day.
[38:54] Where Vicki and Susan stand on marriage after writing the book and what they hope to see for the future of marriage.

Meet This Episode’s Guests

Susan Pease Gadoua is a licensed therapist in the San Francisco area. She specializes in helping couples, connect, reconnect, or disconnect. She has written several books about marriage and divorce and has been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, the Washington Post and a host of other publications. She has also appeared on the CBS Early Show and A View From the Bay.

Vicki Larson is an award winning journalist, freelance writer and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area. She has been featured in The Huffington Post, ModernMom.com and many other publications. She is the mother of two young men and has been divorced twice.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by taylor hernandez

April 8, 2019

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366- Wedding Alcohol Q&A with Jacki Strum

by Aleisha April 1, 2019

written by Aleisha

On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, guest Jacki Strum, founder and CEO of Thirsty Nest, joins Aleisha to address all of your wedding alcohol Q&A. Jacki created a new kind of gift registry for engaged couples by creating the type of registry she wished she had when she was planning her wedding. Rather than giving yet another toaster or coffee maker that the couple probably already has, you can give the gift they really want - a fully stocked bar at home. During this episode, Aleisha and Jacki answer questions about how to provide quality booze at your wedding.

Listen episode 366 of Bridechilla

Creative ways to include cannabis at your wedding

Alcohol can help enhance the environment of any party. There are other alternatives that can be introduced as well. In addition to discussing alcoholic beverages, Jacki gives some advice to one Bridechilla listener interested in offering cannabis at their wedding. As more states continue to legalize cannabis, there is a greater opportunity to have this at your wedding. Jacki discusses creative ways to use items like baked goods or gummies as well as discreet vaporizers. Hear more of Jacki’s insight on cannabis during this podcast.

In general, I think it’s a welcome change and I think there are a lot of ways to do it without turning your wedding into a Snoop Dog video

Photo by Kimberly Nanney

Have a smashing time without getting smashed

Having an open bar at your wedding can be a lot of fun. But what do you do if you have guests who can’t seem to control their drinking? How do you keep people from getting completely smashed and ruining your big day? The first step is to work with your bartenders before the day of the event to assure that they don’t over serve guests. Most professionals will be sensitive and considerate, but you want to deal with this ahead of time. Jacki gives other advice throughout this question and answer session to help you ensure that the alcohol enhances the party and doesn’t become a problem.

Photo by Adam Jaime

I do think it is important to think through the signature cocktail because it is what most people will order!

How to create your own signature cocktail

One way to leave a lasting impression on the guests who come to your wedding is by creating a signature cocktail. It’s also a great way to celebrate with your partner for years to come. Each special occasion or anniversary you can mix up your signature cocktail and reminisce. How do you create this speciality drink? Jacki has some great advice for how to develop a unique mixer that looks and tastes great. She also gives ideas for how to create a signature cocktail even if you don’t have liquor at your wedding.

Wedding alcohol management 101

Including alcohol at your wedding is great fun, but it also requires a bit of management. What if some of your wedding guests don’t drink or are recovering alcoholics? How can you show those guests that you’ve also considered them? And how do you manage the amount of booze to provide for an event. All of these questions are important to consider before the day of the event. Talking with your vendor and making a solid plan will ensure that the wedding day goes smoothly and is an enjoyable time for everyone. Listen as Jacki gives great advice during this special wedding alcohol Q&A episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Water, water everywhere. People always forget to drink water, especially at outside summer weddings and it causes a lot of problems

Photo by Kimberly Nanney

Listen episode 366 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:42] Introduction of Jacki Strum from ThirstyNest, a wine and spirits wedding registry platform that helps brides and grooms fill their home bar for their wedding
[3:39] Aleisha put out a message on Facebook requesting alcohol related questions for Jacki to answer
[5:48] Are more weddings not only including alcohol but also cannabis for the party?
[9:11] Where are the best places to buy alcohol if you are bringing it yourself
[13:41] Is upgrading to a nicer booze really worth it? What booze should be upgraded?
[21:20] How do you manage an open bar in such a way that your entire party doesn’t get completely trashed
[23:15] Being at higher altitude, do you need to warn guests of the lower alcohol tolerance?
[25:18] What is a mixed drink we should all know how to make?
[28:15] What is the secret to a good dirty martini recipe?
[30:21] If you can’t use hard liquor, what is the best way to create a signature cocktail with beer, wine, or champaign?
[34:06] Is there a way to work with a venue for a group of non-drinkers? What if you have a lot of big drinkers?

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Jacki Strum is the founder and CEO of Thirstynest, a wine and spirits wedding registry that allows your friends and wedding guest to skip the toaster or coffee maker and give you a gift you really want - the gift of a fully stocked home bar. With over a decade of experience in the wine & spirits industry, Jacki created a new way to give to the couple you love by creating the kind of registry she wishes she’d had when she got engaged.

Show image by Brooke Lark

With thanks to this episodes Partners

April 1, 2019

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365- Decision making made easy

by Aleisha March 26, 2019

written by Aleisha

Decision making overwhelm can hit even the most organised people, especially when it comes to all of the choices that surround wedding planning. From the 'big' decisions, right down the smaller details (that still require thought) can add up and send you into a downward stress cycle. In this episode of Bridechilla, founder, Aleisha shares her best tips for making decisions that are right for you and moving on with your life, so you can enjoy the process!

Whether you are planning a wedding or just living your life day-to-day, there are a multitude of decisions with which you are faced. More than ever before, we are forced to make decisions quickly while processing loads of information. It can quickly lead to confusion, frustration and burnout. During this episode, Aleisha shares 5 tips for how to step back, slow down, and take a better approach to making good decisions.

Listen to episode 365 of Bridechilla

The pros and cons of a pros and cons list

You’ve seen it on movies and tv shows. The lead character is trying to make a decision so she pulls out a pen and a pad and makes a pros and cons list. It may seem silly, but sometimes just taking to time think things through and write them down can be extremely helpful. Writing a pros and con list can help you process the decision and gives you a record to return to if you start to second guess yourself once you’ve made the decision. Listen for the ways to make the pros and con lists and how they can be helpful during this podcast.

Sometimes there are so many options that you don’t even think about sitting down and taking a moment to write this shit down and walk away from it for 20 minutes, an hour, 2 days, and then come back and have a look at the pros and cons again and see what works and what doesn’t.

Photo by Alejandro Escamilla

The right time for the right decision

Timing is everything. When approaching a difficult conversation, you want to choose a good time to have it. The same is true for making decisions. Times you are hungry, tired, or emotionally drained are not good times to try and make important decisions. Taking a moment to assess the timing both for yourself and your partner or others who might have a say in the decision can help you avoid potential traps or pitfalls that could sabotage good decision making. Hear Aleisha explain more about the importance of good timing in decision making and how you can determine the right time during this episode.

Regret is a trap that I encourage you to not indulge in because if you live with regret and you worry about the consequences of decisions that really don’t matter in the long run it can really weigh you down emotionally.

Not-so-sweet emotion

Making good decisions involves having a clear head. Emotions are a great thing, but sometimes they can cloud our ability to make a good decision. In times where emotions might be heightened, making critical decisions might not be wise or advisable. There are also certain decisions that will appeal to your emotions in a way that prove unhelpful to the decision-making process. Being aware of your current emotional state and the potential impact of a given decision on your emotions is a first step in determining whether or not you should make the decision. It could lead to you either waiting for another time or getting outside advice.

Photo by Christoph Rücker

Embrace the unknown

As fantastic as it would be, no one can see or predict the future. In all of life, there is the mystery of the unknown. Trying to predict the future only leads to frustration and, sometimes, analysis paralysis. While you can’t control the future, you can control how you handle the present. Aleisha encourages listeners to just do your best, live the best you can and embrace the unknown. Listen to this episode to hear the 5 ways to better decision making and much more on the bridechilla podcast.

Listen to episode 365 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:31] This episode of the Bridechilla podcast focuses on how to make good decisions without feeling pressured or overwhelmed
[5:41] Aleisha talks about her approach to decision making and the struggles she deals with in making decisions
[9:22] How men and women differ in the way they make decisions.
[13:46] How high-power people of influence eliminate stress in decision making.
[20:12] How little decisions can be the most overwhelming and how to use a pro/con list to help bring clarity to a decision.
[24:35] Think about the emotions attached to a decision and how they might affect your judgement and ability to make a good decision
[29:27] Ditch the concept of regret or irrelevant emotions
[31:21] Because you can’t see or predict the future, you have to embrace the unknown and do your best.
[34:28] Consider writing down the process you are going through while making a decision.

Memorable Quotes

“I think our generation is making a lot more decisions a lot more quickly than our parents. We’ve got a lot more information available to us which is great but it can make it really stressful when it comes to making a decision.”
“So far I’ve said I want someone to make restaurant and dinner decisions and also someone to tell me what clothes to wear. Just like I need a P.A., a very decisive P.A.
“Taking chances is the biggest joy in life.”

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Dmitry Bayer

March 26, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

364- Ditch Wedstress Stress Q&A with Aleisha

by Aleisha March 18, 2019

written by Aleisha

It’s time for you to ditch the stress in your wedding planning! One of the most popular shows are our Question and Answer episodes. So many Bridechillas are experiencing unique and difficult situations as they plan their wedding. Creating a community of support and encouragement is what Bridechilla is all about. In this episode, Aleisha discusses questions by recounting her own experiences and offering timely advice for Bridechillas and Groomchillas everywhere.

Listen to episode 346 of Bridechilla

A suggested episode for both partners

When planning a wedding, it is quite common for one of the partners to do the majority of the wedding planning. Often, the other partner might not be as thrilled about the planning part of getting married. They may struggle to understand the need for certain elements of the party or may express concern over the cost of the wedding. Bridechilla Stephanie suggested that Aleisha consider an upcoming podcast that would help both partners get on the same page. This potential episode could help bring understanding and unity for the couple. Listen as Aleisha considers this potential upcoming episode.

Sometimes you can look at yourself in the mirror and you hear yourself saying things and your like ‘Fuck I would never say that to someone that I loved or like or had nice positive things towards, why the fuck would I say that to myself?

Photo by Brooke Cagle

How to help a friend after a break up

Even after the decision to get married has been made, trouble can come into the relationship. Not all couples that get engaged are able to go through with the wedding. All breakups are difficult. But breaking off an engagement can be especially painful. How can you support and help a friend who has broken their engagement? What can you say or do to encourage them and help them heal? Sharing from firsthand experience, Aleisha offers several ways to be a good friend during this difficult time.

Photo by Charisse Kenion

Say yes to the right dress

Since you only hope to ever get married once, it is important that you are happy with everything about the wedding. It is important to keep things in perspective and focus on the things that matter most. One non-negotiable for most Bridechilla’s is the wedding dress. You want to look and feel amazing in your dress on your wedding day. However, McKayla is having second guesses about her wedding dress. She says felt pressured to buy a dress on which she has put a sizable, non refundable down payment. What can she do? Aleisha gives some great advice for how to ditch the stress and get the dress you really want during this episode.

If you’ve really got the vibes in your tum-tum that this is not right for you, then you should start proceedings to get rid of that dress and find a dress that suits you.

Get in a Bridechilla Community

One of the best ways to find encouragement and support through the Bridechilla Community is to join one of the Facebook groups. There are groups not only for brides, but also for Maidchillas and a new one for Parentchillas. These groups offer a place to ask questions, share ideas, and offer support to people who are experiencing some of the same things you are. Be a fully participating Bridechilla by joining in the conversation in one of these groups and ditch the stress in your wedding planning.

Listen to episode 364 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:47] Aleisha introduces today’s show, which is a Q&A session with questions submitted by the Bridechilla community
[1:58] Aleisha shares an iTunes review and feedback about a recent episode from Kat
[6:49] Bridechilla Stephanie would like an episode for the partners that may not be as invested in the wedding planning process
[10:40] How to help a friend deal with a break up with their fiance. Aleisha talks about her experience and gives advice
[18:35] Go to the Bridechilla store for the Bridechilla Survival, Field and Maidchilla manuals
[20:08] McKayla from Cincinnati is having second guesses about her wedding dress and wants to know how to handle it.
[28:29] Check out all of the Bridechilla Facebook groups

Memorable Quotes

“I think we are all trying to change our approach and be a lot more body positive and just people positive in general.”
“If you are living in a share house, don’t have sex with one of the other share house people because it’s trouble. They’re not going to get into a relationship with you.”

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

Header image photo by Vitor Pinto

March 18, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

363-Developing a Healthier Relationship with food

by Aleisha March 11, 2019

written by Aleisha

Guest Laura Jean is an Accredited Practicing Dietitian who is passionate about supporting women to develop a healthier relationship with food and enjoy every eating experience. Through Eat with Awareness, Laura helps women to ditch diets and be ‘less crazy’ around food. She empowers you to become the expert in your own food journey and stop things of food and good and bad and instead work on your relationship to food and your body.

Listen to episode 363 of Bridechilla

Laura reached out to Aleisha after hearing the Body Image episode (episode 248). She has a lot to add to the conversation about our relationship to food, being happy with our bodies, and working through the negative issues that can affect our body image. Laura has been a dietitian for 15 years. She focuses not only on the what of eating, but more importantly the why. Listen to this interview to be encouraged and inspired to restore a positive relationship with food.

Photo by Ali Inay

The reason you should avoid diets

As soon as you get engaged, you are likely to be inundated with all kinds of ads that try to sell you everything you need, and a lot of things you don’t, for your wedding. Some ads are for diets and fads that are supposedly designed to help you lose weight and obtain the body you’ve always wanted. Unfortunately, these diets rarely deliver what they promise and more often bring up unresolved body issues. They can do more harm than good. Laura Jean has an alternative approach to looking and feeling fantastic not only for your wedding but for your entire life. Her method involves going beyond external factors and dealing with your whole self.

Knowing what to eat is like having a list of ingredients for a recipe and then having no method, no instructions. That’s the hows and whys of eating.

3 Ways to Make Food Our Friend

Food isn’t the enemy. It is essential for life. However, our prior experiences and relationships can negatively impact our relationship to food. Laura Jean wants to help restore the association people have to food. During this conversations, she shares three ways to make food our friend. Following these three steps does not guarantee a quick path to being thin. In fact, that’s not the end goal. While Laura’s method requires a lot of effort and self-assessment, the end result is a better body image, a healthier connection to the food you eat, and an overall happier life. It all starts with loving yourself and giving yourself the grace to change your life one step at a time.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

Finding Joy in Movement

Our bodies are made to move. Look at a young child and see how carefree they are with their bodies movement. They can run and dance around in a way that is natural and joyful without any concern for what others think. Getting back to this kind of joy in movement is one goal that Laura wants to help clients achieve. This means that exercise shouldn’t be a chore. If you are currently finding exercise to be more of a burden than a benefit, it might be time to rethink your approach. Listen to this episode for the tips and encouragement Laura offers for connecting with your body through movement.

Photo by Mark Zamora

You are the expert in you. Nobody knows you better than you. So building that connection with yourself particularly around food and eating and your physical sensations is a really great place to start.

Ditch the Labels

Humans are prone to label things. This can be either good and bad. Ultimately, putting a label on something reduces it to the most simple and basic understanding. With food, we tend to label items as either good or bad. Laura says that putting these kinds of labels on food sets us up for failure. Anytime you label something bad, it immediately becomes more appealing. There is a reason it is called forbidden fruit. So when we label something that we enjoy as bad, we tend to crave that item all the more. Laura says to ditch the labels and just call items what they are. Doing this robs the item of it’s tempting power and helps to reestablish food as our friend. Hear more of Laura’s insight and encouragement on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Listen to episode 363 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:24] Introduction of this episode and guest Laura Jean, founder of Eat With Awareness
[2:20] Sometimes the pressure of wedding planning can affect your self-esteem and can bring up issues that should be addressed
[4:10] Rethinking your relationship to food, shifting from thinking about what you eat to why you eat
[8:40] 3 elements of how Laura Jean establishes the relationship with a client to understand their needs so that she can help them.
[12:40] The importance of your self-dialogue and speaking to yourself in a healthy way.
[18:05] The poor messaging and bad diet fads that inundate women, especially after they get engaged.
[23:10] You can aspire to much more than just losing weight or being tiny.
[28:20] The good and bad food terminology and how it affects the way we relate to food.

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Laura Jean is an Accredited Practicing Dietitian who is passionate about helping people ditch the diets, learn to trust their bodies, and develop a healthier relationship with food. The first step to achieving a better relationship with food is knowing not just what you eat, buy why. Laura’s approach isn’t conventional, but it does work. She wants to help people eat what they love and love what they eat. Laura Jean is the founder of Eat with Awareness, a healthier approach to eating.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Anthony Ginsbrook

March 11, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

362- The Serious Side of Wedding Planning Q&A with Aleisha

by Aleisha March 4, 2019

written by Aleisha

Planning a wedding can seem like a trivial affair. After all, you are just planning a big party. However, because it involves the people you love and the history that accompanies many of those relationships, the wedding is anything but trivial. The Bridechilla podcast is dedicated to dealing with the real issues that come with planning a wedding and just being a human being. In this episode, Aleisha talks about the serious side of wedding planning by answering questions that come directly from the Bridechilla Community. Listen as she shares tips and advice for how to address common and often difficult experience that arise when planning a wedding.

Listen to episode 362 of Bridechilla

Handling hurtful family members

When someone who loves you finds out you are getting married, it is quite natural for them to want to be a part. But what if that person has destructive issues in their own life that could jeopardize the joy you experience during your wedding? Or what if they have caused you harm in the past in such a way that you want exclude them from the event? The most important thing is that you plan a day that you will fully enjoy. Chelsea is concerned with having her mom around during the wedding and asks for advice on how to limit her influence on this special day.

Listen to Aleisha’s advice and hear her explain what she calls production management.

“We’ve all got someone in our lives that lets people down and you want to fix them, but you can’t.”

Is a wedding really that big of a deal?

Kate from D.C. is excited to be getting married, but doesn’t understand why everyone else makes such a big deal out of this one event, when she has accomplished many other great things in her life. She feels like those achievements are being overshadowed. Aleisha reminds the Bridechilla community that while some people allow the wedding to be all encompassing, other people desire to hold their wedding in balance with all the other important obligations in life. How you approach the wedding doesn’t lessen the importance of the day.

Photo by Marius Muresan

How to include your child in the wedding

How do you incorporate children into the wedding? This is the question that Katie wanted Aleisha to address. If you or your partner has kids, you will likely want to include them in the ceremony. Aleisha encourages couples to make sure you have a game plan. Because rehearsals and weddings can often be lengthy and involve a lot of standing around, it is important to consider what you will do with the child. Aleisha also discusses important considerations for planning a wedding if you are pregnant.

“If you are planning to involve the kids in the wedding, I think it is just sensible, as I’m sure you would, to have a bit of a game plan.”

sweet-ice-cream-photography-85324-unsplash

Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography

What to do when everyone has an opinion

Whenever you have a big event that involves family and friends, it is likely that people will try to start giving you advice. Often, opinions are given even though they are unsolicited. If they truly love you, they have your best interest in mind and are really just trying to be helpful. But we all know that a multitude of conflicting opinions can be anything but helpful. How do you deal with this awkward situation? As always, Aleisha is a proponent for bold, honest conversations and this episode is no different. Listen as she gives advice about the serious side of wedding planning during this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.

Listen to episode 362 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:38] This episode is another question and answer session with host Aleisha. She addresses questions submitted from the Bridechilla community.
[1:19] Morgan tells her story about how the Bridechilla podcast helped her handle the issue of wedding money with her dad.
[4:09] Chelsea asks for advice about how to deal with her Mom who has a substance abuse issue.
[11:49] Kate from D.C. left a voicemail explains how she feels uncomfortable with the attention the wedding is bringing and how it overshadows her life’s accomplishments and wants advice on how to deal with that.
[21:17] Katie asks if there are any podcasts addressing how to handle a wedding when you and your partner have kids?
[24:53] Bridechilla Kelly wants to involve her stepdad in the ceremony and how to approach that with her dad.
[26:55] Kelly also wants to know how to tell her future-spouses family to keep their opinions to themselves.
[29:48] Kelly adds a P.S. about how to find great makeup and hair artists.

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners- ZOLA

March 4, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

361- Planning the Wedding You Want with Natasha Johnson

by Aleisha February 25, 2019

written by Aleisha

Natasha Johnson, wedding celebrant and founder of the Engaged and Ready blog, joins the Bridechilla podcast to talk about planning the wedding you want. Every couple is unique. Different backgrounds, cultures, and styles make a one-size-fits-all wedding model impossible. Rather than trying to live up to tradition or other people’s expectations, couples should simply do what they want for their wedding. During this conversation, Natasha shares her approach to helping couples plan their wedding and how she encourages them to be themselves and plan the wedding they want.

Listen to Episode 361 of Bridechilla

How to make your wedding special by focusing on what’s most important

At the beginning of the episode, Aleisha stresses the importance of focusing on what really matters in your wedding. So much time and attention is given to the decorations, food, vendors, and other items that the real purpose of the wedding gets ignored. What is said during the wedding is vastly more important than what is spent with vendors. Throughout the interview with Natasha, there are reminders of the most important parts of the wedding that should be valued most during the planning process.

"I’m just really getting to what I feel things are overlooked sometimes in this crazy wedding world that we are in. The important stuff. The heart stuff. The reason we get married"

The road to being a professional celebrant

Natasha shares the fascinating story of how she became a professional wedding celebrant. Her first wedding involved very little planning but facilitated a life-changing moment that set the course for Natasha’s new career path. Now having officiated over 700 weddings, she has gained a ton of experience that she wants to share with the world. Listen as Natasha speaks of her passion for helping couples plan the wedding they want and how she uses her platform to do just that.

Photo by Tallie Robinson

No rules. Just right

Because she wants couples to succeed in planning the wedding they want, Natasha doesn’t impose any rules on couples. Throughout the episode she shares stories about the weddings she has facilitated and the ways in which they expressed the uniqueness and individuality of the couple. Not being bound to any particular format gives brides and grooms the freedom to make their day special. As with many other guests that have joined the Bridechilla podcast, Natasha bemoans the negative effects of social media and the unnecessary pressure and comparison trap it has imposed on brides when planning their wedding. Her no rules approach helps alleviate that stress by giving couples a clean slate on which to create their wedding.

"Traditions are so entrenched in our society and in the wedding world that people have gotten confused and they think that there are actual wedding rules."

Planning the wedding you want: escaping the tradition trap

Weddings are an unusual event because there are so many traditions. From who walks down the aisle, to the format of the wedding, to what is said between the couple, there are a ton of wedding traditions. Many of those traditions have outdated and nefarious origins. Natasha explains her to desire to accommodate whatever traditions a couple desire while also educating them about those particular traditions. Helping a couple make an educated decision will give them a wedding they can be happy with for years to come. Listen to this episode to hear how you can get on the path to planning the wedding you want.

Listen to Episode 361 of Bridechilla

“My number one thing I say to couples is that the rules are there are no rules. This is their day. This is how they want to get married. They need to tell me what they want from their ceremony and I can tell them how we can make that into a ceremony."

Photo by Alasdair Elmes

Show Highlights

[4:54] Introduction of today’s guest Natasha Johnson, wedding celebrant, founder of Engaged and Ready and The Celebrants’ Collective.
[6:58] Natasha shares how she became a wedding celebrant and the story of her very first wedding
[13:10] The magic moment when Natasha realized what she was going to do for a career
[16:05] Through her vast experience with couples getting married, Natasha felt compelled to start a blog so that she could share her insight with other couples
[21:36] The types of celebrants and how Natasha approaches each couples wedding so that she can serve them well
[27:25] Because of her ethos, Natasha doesn’t put any parameters on what the ceremony should look like. She lets couples personalize their weddings completely
[28:42] Taking traditions into consideration and helping couples understand the origins of the traditions so they can make informed decisions

Meet Natasha

Natasha Johnson is a former BBC news anchor who found a love for helping couples with their weddings. She is also the Founder of the Celebrants’ Collective, an online career development platform for celebrants in Europe and beyond, which also runs annual retreat conventions for celebrants, too.

Natasha hosts the popular Celebrant Business Podcast and she is a judge for the ‘Best UK Wedding Celebrant,’ category at The Wedding Industry Awards (TWIA).

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Episode Resources

Show image by James Owen

February 25, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

360-Comparison is The Thief of Joy- with Lucy Sheridan

by Aleisha February 18, 2019

written by Aleisha

A big conversation in our post wedding facebook group, The Chilla Grads is post-wedding coping, comparison, blues and feelings surrounding expectations not being reached when thinking about our wedding celebrations. I am delighted to be joined by Lucy Sheridan, Comparison Coach whose aim is to help people get over the 'compare and despair' of social media and beyond. A wonderfully motivating for chat, no matter where you are in your planning journey.

Listen to Episode 360 of Bridechilla

Dealing with the post wedding let down

Planning a wedding and preparing for marriage is an exciting time. You spend so much time making decisions for this huge event. What do you do when the wedding is over and the new normal of real life begins? Many times there can be a feeling of sadness or depression. Aleisha and Lucy discuss the potential let down that you might experience after your wedding. They also share from their personal experiences and give advice for how you can deal with it. The most important step is to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel those emotions and then deal with them in a healthy way.

"You must allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling.”

Don’t do it alone

In times of depression, anxiety, or just general life struggle, we often have the tendency to seclude ourselves. Rather than bother others with our problems or be forced to deal with our feelings, we try to go it alone. However, in these difficult times, it is better to surround yourself with people that care about you. Talking with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor will help you get back to health sooner. Lucy shares her experience with therapy and how it helped her. Hear about the benefits of letting other people help during this episode.

Photo by Quân Nguyễn

"You can’t be positive of supporting yourself or someone else and also be doubting yourself. Your system has to lead with one message. One has to override the other"

Photo by Vladimir Kudinov

Adjusting to married life

After the wedding, the real work of adjusting to married life begins. It is an exciting time of learning how to function as a couple. There can be unexpected stressors that could pop up as you adapt to your new lifestyle. Lucy says, “What’s great about getting married is lots of things in our relationships and in our life stay exactly the same.” She shares some tips for how to deal with your spouse, how to pick the important battles, and how to support your significant other even if you may not totally agree with them. Most importantly, don’t compare your marriage to others. Focusing on your relationship and making your marriage the priority will make your marriage that much stronger. Hear other important advice and encouragement during this interview.

"What’s great about getting married is lots of things in our relationships and in our life stay exactly the same. I’m still gonna leave my wet towels on the floor. I’ve been doing it since I was 15 and no one is going to talk me out of it.”

Tips for cutting out comparison

We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others at some point in our lives. If we aren’t careful, we can find that comparison has invaded our lives and robbed us of joy and happiness. How can you reverse the trend and start to rid yourself of comparison? During this episode, Lucy shares some practical ways to identify the triggers in your life, how to process your emotions, and then move on. Cutting out comparison is an ongoing process that takes time, mindfulness, and lots of practice. Be encouraged that over time you can take back the joy that comparison has stolen.

Listen to Episode 360 of Bridechilla

[0:36] Introduction of Lucy Sheridan, the world’s first and only comparison coach. Lucy’s mission is to help people stop comparing themselves to others.
[6:55] Abigail asks about post wedding coping, dealing with identity, post-wedding nightmares, and depression
[11:42] The questions of identity that comes up after you get married.
[17:21] Creating open lines of communications and developing good conflict management skills in your relationship
[24:16] How to deal with negative emotions and the letdown of the wedding
[32:36] Therapy can help you be more healthy and shed some of the baggage that can weigh you down[35:52] Aleisha shares the story of how an honest conversation with a friend led to reconnection
[39:18] Key ways to identify the triggers of comparison and how to deal with them
[47:50] How to learn more about what Lucy does and how to get in touch

Meet Lucy Sheridan

I'm Lucy, 'the comparison coach'. If you want to get clear, confident and on track with what you want, once and for all, you’re in the right place.

CanI get a ‘hell yeah!’ from you if you're ready to cut the crap, stop comparing yourself to others and give yourself the gifts of choice and change?

This is a rallying cry for those of you sitting at work bored, or on your sofa, scrolling your iPad bouncing between social media and the feelings of “wtf am I doing with my life?”
Connect with Lucy - Instagram | Facebook | Twitter

Episode Resources

Show image by Candice Picard

February 18, 2019

Bridechilla Blog Bridechilla Podcast

359- Family Matters- Bridechilla Q&A

by Aleisha February 11, 2019

written by Aleisha

Anytime you have a gathering that involves both immediate and extended family, there is a high likelihood that you will have to deal with family matters. We all have weird and difficult family members. Planning a wedding and inviting them means that family drama of some kind is probably going to happen. On this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Aleisha answers questions from the Bridechilla community about how to manage these important relationships while still having the wedding you and your couple want. Tune in to be encouraged by the struggles of other Bridechillas and hear Aleisha’s great advice.

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Cut off the drama with crucial conversations

Families come in all shapes and sizes. There are unique personalities that can create incredible variety, diversity, and often drama. With extended family, issues can often be avoided. But what happens when drama arises with you or your spouse’s parents? Bridechilla Holly asks about her family dynamics and how to deal with family members who don’t get along. One key to dealing with family drama is being willing to have difficult conversations. Listen to Aliesha’s advice to cut off drama with crucial conversations.

“I certainly wouldn’t have felt less married if I hadn’t changed my name. I have so many girlfriends who haven’t gone through the name changing process, who have no interest in changing their name, and are just as married as the rest of us.

Playing the name game

When planning to get married, couples have to decide what they are going to do about their names. Will the bride be taking the groom’s last name in a traditional fashion? Or will you do something different? Bridechilla Kate is a feminist who is trying to decide whether she is going to take her partner’s last name, use a hyphen, or keep her name. Regardless of what you decide to do, it’s important to remember that you aren’t less married if you don’t go through the name changing process. Name changing or any wedding tradition should be adapted to work for you. Be true to yourself when navigating this crucial decisions.

“If parents are contributing then, yes, invite them along for opinions and invite them to be a part of it. But it doesn’t mean that they automatically buy a controlling decision in your wedding.”

How to ask Mom and Dad for money?

Parents can be incredibly helpful in planning a wedding. They can be a great sounding board during the many decisions that have to be made. And often, they can provide much needed financial support. But what if your parents haven’t readily offered their assistance? Is there a way to tactfully ask for money? Kathryn from South Africa would like for her parents to help pay for the wedding but they haven’t specified how much that are willing to contribute. She asks Aleisha how to approach the subject so that she can move forward in planning with a realistic budget.
*There is plenty of advice about how to work with wedding donors (parents) in this episode of Bridechilla and in the Bridechilla Survival Guide.

“We’ve all got our own weirdo parents. We love them... Some of them.”

Photo by Eliza Szablinska

Buying controlling interest in your wedding

Bridechilla Ann had a question about parents and money too, however her situation is a bit different. Her parents offered to help pay for the wedding but after finding out Ann and her fiance’s plans, they started to criticize their decisions. Does a financial investment necessarily mean that parents have a say in the wedding plans? Dealing with family drama while balancing the stress of planning a wedding can be difficult. If you find yourself in the midst of family matters during your wedding planning, fear not, you are not alone. Listen to this episode to hear from other Bridechillas that are in the same situation and be encouraged by Aliesha’s advice.

“If you are on a website and you are finding a gown that’s normally two grand and you’re finding it for $250, it’s probably counterfeit and it’s probably being made by kids in some sort of shitty awful hellhole.”

Listen to this Episode of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

[0:12] This episode is a Q&A episode, where Aleisha answers question from the Bridechilla community. This episode has a theme of parental involvement in wedding planning
[2:18] Holly asks how to handle inviting family members from both sides who do not get along.
[7:01] Kate from Nebraska asks what to do about balancing her feminism with get taking her partner’s last name
[14:31] Kathryn from South Africa wants to know how to ask parents to contribute financially to the wedding.
[20:13} Kathryn’s second question deals with how to be sure you are buying from a reputable online retailer.
[27:48] Ann’s parents originally seemed on board to help with wedding cost, but then criticised their plans and tried to change the type of wedding that she and her fiance want to have.
[32:21] Aleisha gives advice for how to deal with controlling parents while planning your wedding

Get Planning with the Bridechilla Survival Guide

With thanks to Our Bridechilla Sponsors

February 11, 2019

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