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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

How to Tell Someone They’re Not In Your Bridal Party

by Kealia Reynolds
written by Kealia Reynolds

If you thought picking a wedding venue was difficult, just wait until you’re deciding who to include in your bridal party. Before I got engaged, I thought I was going to have the hardest time just finding friends and family to include. I was in a variety of friend groups in college, so I never really had a core of super knit friends that most people seem to have. However, once my fiancé popped the question, I felt myself struggling to narrow down my party to eight. Unfortunately, I had to have hard conversations with a few people and tell them they weren’t going to be able to be in my bridal party. Here are a few tips to help you if you need to have a similar conversation.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

1. Be honest

If you’re having a small bridal party, or no bridesmaids at all, the fact of the matter is that you just won’t be able to have everyone you love as a bridesmaid. When communicating this to your friend or family member, be honest. If you’re only having four bridesmaids, and all of your sisters are going to fill that role, your friend won’t be able to make the cut. I would avoid saying, “Hey, we’re not that close, so I don’t want you to be a bridesmaid.” Even if that may be true, simply being honest about having a set number of bridesmaids works a lot better.

2. Deliver the message in their preferred form of communication

If your friend or family member matters to you, try to have this conversation in person. I thought one of the friends I was telling preferred to communicate over text, but as we were having the conversation, I could tell she would’ve preferred if I had talked to her about everything in person. Even though the conversation may be uncomfortable, your friend deserves that respect.

Bride with a bridesmaid

Photo by Samantha Gades

Listen to the episode 347 of Bridechilla- How to be a Maidchilla

3. Invite her to other bridal events

If you truly wanted your friend to be in your bridal party but didn’t have the room to fit her in, ask her if she’d want to participate in another role at your wedding. For example, you could ask her to read scripture, pass out programs, help seat people, or even play music during the ceremony. You could also invite her to other important bridal events, like the shower and bachelorette party. Whatever you do, don’t extend a pity invite and make them a third-wheel at all of your events—this could just drive a wedge between you two and lead to extremely hurt feelings.

4. Listen to your friend

It’s no surprise that your friend might be incredibly hurt by the situation. That’s OK and totally expected. Instead of engaging in a heated discussion, bite your tongue and listen to her express her frustrations or hurt. If things do start to get heated, give yourselves a time-out and try to revisit the conversation at a later time.

Couple getting married wedding ceremony

Photo by Kendra Allen

5. Tell them early

The second you get engaged, your friend may automatically think she’s a bridesmaid. The longer you put it off, the more hurt and confusion it could cause in the future. Talk to your friend as early as possible to prevent them from having to find out from social media or another medium that they aren’t actually going to be in the wedding.

Hopefully, you won’t have this problem when trying to narrow down your wedding party, but if you do, stick to these tips and you’ll be able to gracefully let your friend down easy.

friends laughing together

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Kealia Reynolds is a Bridechilla and a house writer at House Method

Show image by Daiga Ellaby 

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Bridechilla BlogBridechilla DirectoryGuest Post

How to Make Your Wedding Day NOT About Photography

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Wedding photographer and directory member, Bree Woolliscroft shares how Bridechillas can make their wedding days more about them and less about the photography - while still capturing amazing images. 

I feel that I should preface this blog post with a statement of permission for all of you reading this that are feeling the weight of instagram, family, or any other societal pressure:

You have FULL permission to make your wedding day about YOU and your love story. Your wedding day does not need to be about photography, and in fact - it shouldn’t be. You have full permission to not feel the need to be or do anything for a few pieces of glass, a mirror, or some digital files.

I can feel the rest of the industry angry-glaring at me for this, and that’s really okay with me. Really and truly your wedding day is about the fist fight of love that you and your partner have gone through to get to the altar. It’s about the promises you make, about celebrating with your loved ones or running off to elope intimately. It’s about you and only you.

You have FULL permission to make your wedding day about YOU and your love story.

Unfortunately right now, there is a toxicity in the wedding industry that is pressuring couples to need to feel, look, or be a certain way. To be a ‘boho bride’, or get married on a mountain top via helicopter, or have a pinterest styled wedding that costs 100k.

Here’s a little secret: it doesn’t really exist. 90% of the imagery that you all find on platforms like Instagram, or Pinterest didn’t really happen, they were curated by either a photographer, a planner, or someone in the industry for the aesthetic. Because they were

‘Blog feature worthy’. We call this a styled shoot.

Don't allow imagery to have control over your timeline

The most powerful thing about a memory is that we don’t always need an image to find it. You have an INCREDIBLE story that you know well because you are MADE from it, and that in itself is WAY more important than some empty and beautiful image you see on Instagram. Even if all of your images were stolen from you, your computer crashed - your house burned down, you still have your memory. You won’t forget the way you felt on your wedding day, I can promise you that. You won’t forget the bundle of nerves in your chest, the shaky hands as you poured your first mimosa of the day to settle you. The way the world fell away around you when you finally, finally saw your beloved. The ache in your legs the next morning from dancing the night away surrounded by everyone you love.

By not allowing your imagery to have control over the timeline of your day, you become free to celebrate the reason you are there in the first place and to be fully present.

Here are a few really, really important tips that will get you through the day without feeling the need to be anything for the camera, to not plan your day around your pictures, and to make sure you feel like you really experienced the day you’ve been waiting your entire life for.

It's about you and only you. 

Plan to authentically create moments with your photographer AHEAD OF TIME

If your photographer is a good one, they will know that communication with you before the wedding is VITAL to knowing you as a couple, and not forcing you to be anything that you aren’t. All of my brides have 24/7 access to me, and know that I will treat them like a friend. We have discussions about the relationships that mean the most to you, how to make a first look with dad happen authentically, how to make sure we get the shot of the way your new spouse-to-be looks at you as you walk down the aisle, the reaction of your mother as she takes her first look at you after buttoning your dress.

I was recently told a story of how a bride was getting in to her dress, pulling it up over her chest and holding it up for her maid of honor to tie her in, and as her mother turned around, she covered her mouth and gasped - her eyes welling up with tears. All she could say was “My baby! My baby!” as she realized that the little girl who danced in the kitchen all those years ago was no longer her little baby. At this moment, the photographer abruptly stepped in and tried to direct mom to stand in a certain place so that ‘the light was better’, and completely ruined the moment for mom. She completely shut down. You just can’t recreate this kind of moment, so your photographer should know WELL to just shut up and shoot regardless of conditions when those moments are happening. I KNOW my brides, and therefore I know exactly where to be and when so that when the moment comes, I don’t have to THAT GUY by making you re-enact the scene a second time. No one likes a moment-ruiner.

Make sure you are taking moments to soak it in every now and then

Your wedding photographer should first and foremost be a documenter of your truth, not a curator of your moments. I am here to document these moments for you as a nostalgic aid to look back on, but not to be relied on as the only way to remember the day. Make sure you are taking time to slow down, take mental snapshots of the day. What did it smell like in your bridal suite once the flowers were delivered? How did it feel to sit at your kings table surrounded by your bridal party? What was your first thought when you stood at the end of the aisle, finally married? How did grandma smile at you when she saw you for the first time? You get married once, and so being intentional about enjoying the work you’ve put in to your relationship and day by pausing throughout the day to ask yourself questions like this will help you create mental snapshots that won’t go away.

Put your phone down and be present

I can’t stress this enough. Unplugged weddings in my book aren’t for the photographer, they’re for you. I recently attended a workshop where we weren’t allowed to have our phones for three days. And you know how we spent dinners, and free time? We talked and connected. Imagine this for your wedding day, how much more present people will be. Maybe even considering a phone-check would be a good move for your big day so that the people you love as well as yourself will be focused on connecting. You only get these people that you love and adore all in the same place ONCE in your life, for ONE monumental event. Focus on that. Instagramming your day can wait.

Plan your portrait time around YOU

I will be honest here and let you know that there is no place for my art on your wedding day. You have a story that existed before me showing up to your day, and your story will continue to unfold and develop in a beautiful way LONG after I leave your wedding. When planning your portraits, instead of asking your wedding photographer how long THEY need, consider instead how much time YOU want to spend away from your family and friends? How much time would you like to escape the crowd and focus on connecting with your beloved? Your portrait session is less about the pictures, and more about the time that you two get to spend one on one reveling in the excitement of everything that has happened that day, and everything that is to come. It means not making you show love in a way that is foreign to you, or choosing how you show affection. You show who you are - go grab a drink from your bar, and wander off for a bit. I’ll be in tow capturing the truth of those moments instead of forcing some fake-beautiful instagram worthy images.

Your photographer should be an advocate for your day, and there to document what is seen, not what it could be. I believe wholeheartedly that a wedding day should never be about your pictures. There are infinitely grander motifs going on, bigger stories to tell. Better truths to be witnessed. Live in them, and give them your full attention.

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

Sparks Joy? How to Marie Kondo your Relationships

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

A few things are on everyone’s lips at the moment - Brexit, Trump, and Marie Kondo.

While the two former topics are in the political category, to some Marie Kondo is equally as controversial. The 4-foot-7 Japanese tidying expert and creator of the much-loved KonMari method has the world under her spell with her Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.
She's telling everyone (in her adorable voice) to toss everything and anything we own that doesn’t immediately ‘spark joy.’

Though the focus of the KonMari method is most applicable to the junk in our homes (and our handbags), there’s something to be said about applying her inspiring advice to relationships. Merely change the question “Does it spark joy?” to “Does he/she spark joy?”, and you’ve got a simple, practical way of assessing your relationships.

I know it’s a lot easier to get rid of an old pair of shoes than a boyfriend. But are they really that different?

Wait. Don’t answer that.

Here’s the lowdown on how you can use the tried and true words of MK and apply them to your relationships with everyone from your marriage partner to your best mate.

1. Don’t Hold on Forever 

It’s sad to think of letting people go, particularly if you’ve known each other for a long time. But sometimes relationships need to be tossed out. Like an old pair of jeans!

We all have that sexy pair of skin-tight pants at the back of our cupboard. The ones that we fit into years ago, but sadly, as much as we jump up and down and lie back on the bed, they just don’t seem to fit anymore.

Like those pair of jeans, as we grow older (and wider), we outgrow our relationships. There’s no shame in accepting that it could be time to cut ties and move on. Rather invest your time and love in a new pair of jeans, I mean person, that fits you just right.

2. But Don’t Be Too Hasty

You might really be in the groove of KonMari-ng your life, thinking “Don't like ‘em? Dump ‘em!” to everything and everyone. But unfortunately, relationships and people are a lot more complicated than immaterial objects.

The connections with others that really matter are the ones that survive ups and downs, and as such, you should consider the long-term aspects. You don’t want to be too rash, kicking someone out of your life because you’re having a bad day or because they’ve done something to piss you off.

Keep in mind the benefits of your relationship. Remember that time they picked you up when your car broke down? Or when they came over with comfort food after a breakup? Or when they held your hair back when you partied a little too hard? It’s good to have these sorts of friends around, even if you don’t love them all the time. And as far as marriage goes, you might want to listen to this out-of-the-box marriage advice from therapist Susan Pease Gadoua before throwing in the towel.

3. Take the Time

In her book The Life-Changing Magic, Kondo estimates that the entire process of tidying your house should take six months. Six months? That’s a hell of a long, tidy up session.

Just as you take a significant amount of time to clutter-free your house, so should a certain amount of time be dedicated to your relationships. This tip is twofold.

On the one hand, take the time to assess your relationships regularly. Set aside a time when you can be left alone to make a practical list of pros and cons. What are you benefiting from the relationship? What are you giving in return? What word springs to mind when you think of your relationship with that other person? Do they make you a better version of yourself?

These aren’t easy questions that can be answered in a second. They take some serious thinking and reflection.

On the other hand, take the time to be with the people you love. Relationships are an investment, and the only thing that you should be investing is time. That means putting down your phone and actually engaging with them. Having a meaningful conversation. Do a fun activity together. Just lie in bed in silence. All things that will make your bond even stronger.

4. Don’t Show Love with Material Things

If there’s any fundamental truth about the KonMari way, it’s that less is more. Having fewer bits and bobs cluttering up your home can really give you a sense of freedom and weightlessness you didn’t even know you needed.

So why do we continue to give our loved ones crappy presents that clutter up their lives? This ends now.

Instead of the cliche piece of jewellery or technological gadget, treat your partner to a minimalist anniversary gift that won’t collect dust. I’m talking about unforgettable experiences and activities that create new memories as a couple. Memories are so much more meaningful, and you simply cannot put a price on them. It will also help you grow together, which is one of the secrets to a long-lasting relationship.

5. Be Brave

Getting rid of the old and welcoming the new isn’t easy. In fact, it’s bloody difficult.

But KonMari has a tip - be brave. Be brave in welcoming someone new into your life. And be brave to let go the ones that are bringing you more worries than joy. In the words of Ms. Kondo, “When we really delve into the reasons for why we can’t let something go, there are only two: an attachment to the past or a fear for the future.”

When it comes to relationships, many of us have a fear of never finding someone else better. But as the old saying goes, there is plenty of fish in the sea. If a particular fish isn’t doing it for you anymore, be brave and let them go.

When less time and energy is being spent on negative people in your life, more space is made available for better, more meaningful relationships. That means making more friends and meeting more people - people that really spark joy in your life.

6. Have a Look at Yourself Before You Clean Your Surroundings

Adopting the KonMari lifestyle is a very inward journey. You may be cleaning up your house, but in fact, you’re cleaning up your mind. It involves a total mind shift for it to really work long-term.

In the same way, remember to analyse yourself as well as the other person. Don’t be too quick to assign blame for relationship problems when it could, in fact, be you. Be open to the idea that issues such as intimacy and commitment could be stemming from your own personal problems. There’s no shame in realising where you have gone wrong and adopting a new way of viewing the world and your relationships. It’s all part of the KonMari way.

The Bridechilla Wedding Planning Guides
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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

7 Most common things to go wrong at weddings and how to fix them

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Wedding.
Dreading.
Stressing.
Coincidence that all these words rhyme (sorta)? I think not.

Thought it’s one of the most magical days of your life, the possibility of things going terribly wrong on your blessed day is simply mind-boggling. The DJ doesn’t rock up. The priest gets lost. The food makes every guest violently ill. It’s enough to call the whole thing off and just elope.

While you can’t control absolutely everything on your wedding day, there are some commonly encountered wedding mishaps that can be avoided. Or better yet, prevented.

Here are seven of the most common things to go wrong at weddings, and how you can fix them before they turn the best day of your life into one of the worst days of your life.

It Starts To Rain. Then Pour.

It’s the biggest fear of all brides - having an outdoor wedding and it starts to rain.

While you can’t fix this so-called problem from Mother Nature, you can certainly try to prepare. In the days leading up to your wedding day, check the weather predictions religiously. Clothing retailer Monsoon has released an ingenious wedding weather calculator. It uses Met Office rainfall data to analyse 86 years’ worth of statistics to show which days have historically been the driest and which days have been a total washout.

Even if there isn’t an indication that it’s going to rain, I’d still recommend having a Plan B. This can be as simple as having enough emergency umbrellas for your guests to hiring a back-up marquee tent.

Another way to remedy rain-induced wedding stress? Chain your mindset! Rain on your wedding day is said to be good luck. In many cultures, rain symbolizes fertility, unity and a fresh start.

As the saying goes, you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.

The In Laws Don’t Get Along

One of the greatest joys of a wedding is the coming together of two families. Becoming Mr and Mrs (or Mr and Mr, Mrs and Mrs, etc) doesn’t just mean the start of your own family with the love of your life. It means both sides of the family coming together to be one.

Easier said than done.

When your parents and your future in-laws fight like Montagues and Capulets, it could be a recipe for disaster on the days leading up to your wedding and your actual wedding day.

Your mother wants you to wear her understated retro wedding dress. Your mother-in-law is pushing for a fancy, massive meringue wedding dress. Your father suggests a quiet get together on your parent’s country townhouse. Your father-in-law offers to pay for the Ritz.

It’s enough to do your head in.

So, what to do? The answer - don’t force it. You’re just giving yourself unnecessary stress on your special day.

To avoid any deadly situations, place them at separate tables. This might not be conventional, but it’s better than having a full-blown public argument at your wedding. To be frank, let them avoid each other the whole day if it means making the wedding run smoothly. Possibly the only point at which they have to be within 2 feet of each other and force a smile is for the photos.  

Another top tip - make sure they have enough booze. Lots and lots of booze. Hopefully, that’ll loosen them up and have them crying in each other’s arms at how happy they are their beloved children found each other.  

You Get Sh*t Wedding Gifts

Weddings are for gifts. Oh and for love and romance and all that jazz. But mainly for gifts.
Just kidding.Obviously, they’re not the sole focus of your big day, but they are a major added bonus of getting married. Unless you get totally bogus gifts.

To avoid such a catastrophe, make it clear to your guests what sort of gifts you and your partner want. This can be included on the invitation, or a friendly e-mail reminder leading up to the wedding.

Are you looking for traditional gifts such as silverware and appliances? Or maybe you’re the couple who’d prefer an extraordinary wedding gift experience. Or even plain hard cash.

Make it known what you’d prefer. There’s no shame. Plus, it’ll help your guests find the perfect gift for you!

You Get Sloppy Jallopy Wasted

Ah, alcohol. A friend and foe. A froend, if you will.

Alcohol can be a great way to relax the nerves. Getting ready with your bridesmaids is often the most nerve-wracking time of the whole day. That’s why free-flowing bubbly is a prerequisite.

But it’s all fun and games until you’re too smashed to put on your wedding dress.

Feel free to indulge in a few glasses of champagne with your girlfriends, but don’t take it too far. You’ve still got a long night ahead of you.

The reception is the part of the wedding where the booze is at its best. Don’t let guests pressure you into taking your 17th shot of tequila. If worst comes to worst, pull the ol’ trick of carrying and refilling a shot of water.

Your Groom Gets Sloppy Jallopy Wasted

Here’s another recipe for disaster - your hubby gets totally trashed before he’s even made it to the chapel.
Not cool.
To avoid such a catastrophe, ask one of the groomsmen to keep an eye on him. Choose a groomsman that you’re personally close with and make your expectations clear - I want to marry a sober man.

They’ll be bound to get a little rowdy as they’re all getting ready together, drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, but it doesn’t have to get to an out-of-control level.

You Have a Wardrobe Malfunction

Picture this - you’re walking down the aisle. The bells are chiming. The rose petals from the flower girl’s hands are falling gracefully to the floor. Everyone rises as you make your grand entrance. Your husband looks at your with tears in his eyes. You take a step. And another. And on the next one, you step on your dress and the entire bottom half of your dress comes apart.

Every bride’s nightmare.

To avoid such an awful situation, always have a sewing kit on hand. Better yet, have an Oh Sh*t Kit. It’s a wedding emergency pack filled with helpful items, from double-sided tape and safety pins to body lotion and a hairbrush.

Someone Brings Their Annoying Brat (After You Asked Them Not To)

To children or not to children? That is the question.

Allowing children to attend a wedding is one of the greatest debates in wedding history. On the one hand, they’re cute as buttons. They give your wedding a sense of energy and youthfulness that can really put everyone at ease.

But on the other hand, they can be a total nuisance- crying, throwing a tantrum and preventing their mum and dad, your guests, from having fun.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else says - the decision is yours. Some couples make the call to allow the kids at the ceremony and not at the reception. Remember, it’s your wedding and you call the shots.

If you do decide to allow the rugrats to enjoy the whole event, a good idea would be to have a separate room with an au pair. Here they can run around, have fun and be safe. And they can sleep soundly when their little bodies get tired from all the wedding fun.

I hope these fixes made you feel more chill while planning that big day. You got this.

Header photo by boram kim 

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Guest Post

3 Steps for improving our relationship with food

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Laura Jean is an Accredited Practicing Dietitian with 15 years experience who focuses on the ‘whys’ of eating and how you can connect to your body to guide your interaction with food. She is passionate about supporting women to develop a healthier relationship with food and enjoy every eating experience. Through Eat with Awareness, Laura helps women to ditch diets and be ‘less crazy’ around food. She empowers you to reclaim your inbuilt ability to interact with food and become the expert in your own food journey and she is featured in episode 363 of The Bridechilla Podcast.

Listen to Laura's episode of Bridechilla

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes

You're engaged, Congrats....NOW CHANGE

The big question has been answered with a big YES, so naturally you’ve changed your social media status to ‘engaged’ and then…BAM…you start getting hit with adverts for body transformations, weight loss and figure control underwear. The diet mindset wedding machine has swung into action.

There are plenty of trigger points across a woman’s life where you are made to feel bad about your body and sadly getting married is a big one. And it’s not just limited to the bride either – the bridal party and mothers of both sides tend to get hit by the pressure to ‘get in shape’ for the big day.

I call foul!

This 6+billion dollar industry is not interested in you or your big day…they’re interested in the bottom line. And one way they know to get women to spend up and get sucked into the crap they are peddling is by playing on insecurities and body issues.

The shitty fact is that most women have body hang-ups and most women are made to feel bad about their body as it is. The truly shitty thing about it all is that it makes you feel unworthy because of your body. And this is total bullshit.

You are more than a body. Your worth is not linked to your weight. You are worthy just as you are.​

You don’t need to go on any crazy diets, shrink your body or sacrifice your mental and emotional health in the pursuit of some bullshit ideal set by an industry out to profit off making you feel crap about yourself.

So, what can you do instead?

Instead of pursuing some restrictive healthy eating regime you can actually work on your relationship to food and your body. Here’s how to get started

Photo by Arek Adeoye

3 Steps for a healthier relationship with food

1.Curiosity

Get curious about what’s going on for you. Here are some good questions to ask when it comes to behaviours around food and your body:

  • Who benefits from this behaviour? Dig deep on this one. It’s easy to think ‘oh I benefit because it’ll help me lose weight’ BUT keep digging and try some follow-up questions – will it actually help you lose weight? Have you used this behaviour in the past, and if so did it lead to sustainable weight loss or just a quick drop and later rebound? What is the trade-off or sacrifice to your mental, emotional and physical health?
  • If I wasn’t worried about my weight or what other people thought of me would I do this?
  • Would I do this if it made me gain weight? This is a good one for all those ‘but what about health’ situations. Sometimes the diet industry is sneaky and gets you to buy into a behaviour by selling it as a health behaviour when in fact it’s just a weight loss behaviour in sheep’s clothing. If it was good for your health but made you gain weight would you still do it?
  • Does this behaviour get in the way of my connection to my body?

Which leads us to step number 2….

Photo by Miguel Bruna

2. Connection

Your body is ready to chat; it’s just waiting for you to listen and to trust it.

Did you know you were born with the ability to know what, when and how much to eat? Your body has all this info covered and it’s just waiting to work with you around navigating food. The key is to connect.

  • Listening and picking up on your physical cues around food is the first step. What does hunger, satisfaction and fullness feel like in your body?
  • Then it’s about trusting those cues and knowing your body’s got your back. Part of this can be unlearning all the rules, restrictions and dieting dogma that’s gotten in the way of hearing your body.
  • And lastly you need to honour your body’s messages. Hungry? Eat!! Don’t drink a big glass of water, brush your teeth or suck on a bloody appetite suppressant lollypop. Use food, that’s what it’s for, that’s what your body is asking for – honour it.

Photo by Jon Tyson

"Feeling comfortable in your body, trusting your body and still eating what you enjoy."

Laura Jean

3. Compassion

Above all else it’s important to be compassionate with yourself. It’s ok to not love your body straight away, it’s ok to need to work on your trust around hunger cues, and it’s ok to still want to lose weight.

Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like you would your best friend, talk nicely and give yourself space to learn and unlearn.

This is a whole new way of looking at food and your body so it’ll take time, but know this: you can’t fail at being the expert in you…there’s simply no-one else equipped for the job.

Your wedding, and the lead up, should not be a time where you are made to feel sh*t about yourself and trying to change your body to be worthy. You are worthy just as you are. Time to listen, trust and believe that lady!

Want more help to get started? 
Download a free get started guide to start working on your healthier relationship with food. Learn more HERE.

Listen to the episode

Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

A Guide to DIY wedding florals

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Your wedding is your day—whether it’s a full design or small, memorable details, incorporating some DIY touches is a surefire way to create an unforgettable day that is unique to you and your other half. Believe it or not, a DIY wedding doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With a well thought out plan and the right tools, you can successfully navigate your wedding planning process as a relaxed bride, while still saving some pennies through your DIY projects.

Use these tips to harness your creative chill vibes while designing your dream wedding.

Image by Blythely Photographing 

First off: Why DIY

When you purchase a bouquet from a florist, remember that it’s not just priced for the flowers. You are also paying for the expertise spent on professional arrangement, as well as all of the other expenses that come with running a floral business: preparation, storage, labor, production, supplies, and transportation. Couples can easily spend upwards of $2,000 on flowers alone, and you can cut that cost by more than half by ordering DIY flowers and creating your own arrangements. If you feel up to the task, purchasing in bulk is the best way to save on DIY arrangements, as you can purchase them at a discounted rate and have them sent directly to your home.

Save money smartly

You can save even more money by being smart about your arrangements. Simple things like scaling down the size of bridesmaid bouquets or sticking to seasonal flowers are a great way to trim down your budget for your DIY project. Worry less about flower type and focus on colors—that way you can supplement a few bold statement pieces with budget-friendly blooms. Greenery is also a cost-effective choice that looks gorgeous woven into a wedding design.

Image by Chelsie Burkhart Photography

Plan your DIY wedding projects strategically

Planning is important for DIY projects as a whole, but it’s a must for DIY floral arrangements. Collect photos for inspiration, find out what you’ll need to achieve the look you’re after, and figure out whether those flowers will be in season for your wedding date. Always have some alternatives ready at hand in case a certain bloom is unavailable. Flowers are living things and can be unpredictable, so it’s always best to have a plan B. Try doing a test run, if possible, so you can estimate how many flowers you’ll need and which colors you’d prefer.

Don’t take on too much

Maybe you’re not equipped to take on all of the DIY design—that’s fine! You can still save by doing what you can and outsourcing the more important details. For example, you can still make all of your bridesmaid bouquets and boutonnieres, and have a professional create your bouquet and centerpieces. The choice is yours!

Images by Lauren Westra Photography

Embrace the uniqueness

Remember: You’re not striving for perfection, you’re crafting a day that belongs to you and your partner. No wedding is perfect, anyways! Rather than stress over every detail, enjoy the creative process and have fun infusing your day with an inside joke here and a nod to your relationship there. When it comes to floral design, understand that flowers are natural—they will always have variations in colors and sizes, so be prepared to create a one-of-a-kind bouquet!

In addition to the savings and personalization, an added bonus of a DIY project is the feeling of pride you’ll feel on your wedding day as you see all of the beauty unfold around you. Stay chill, tap into your creative juices, and have fun with it!

Danielle Gonzalez is the Marketing and Social Media Specialist of Blooms by The Box, an online wholesaler for premium-quality flowers, floral design supplies, and accessories. They are a popular favorite for couples to purchase flowers to DIY themselves.

Header Photo by Fernanda Méndez 

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

5 Things Brides Often Forget to Get Ready for Their Wedding Night

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

The weeks leading up to your big day are likely to be very hectic. As Aleisha previously discussed here on Bridechilla, it's normal to feel a little overwhelmed and anxious. However, with all that stress piling up, it's easy to forget that this wedding is yours to cherish and enjoy. And while your day is best shared with beloved family and friends, your wedding night is something else entirely. The end of months worth of planning and preparation marks a great celebration, but it also gives you a chance to wind down and take everything in: you and your partner are starting the rest of your lives together, after all. Just make sure not to forget these essential items to give you an evening to remember:

A good playlist

Cheesy playlists are often portrayed as a cliché in the movies, but don't write them off just yet. Having your favorite songs ready for your special night will ensure you have pleasant background music to make memories to. It also means less time spent fumbling around looking for songs to cut through the silence. If you're feeling stuck, Esquire has rounded up some of the best modern love songs to cap off your evening.

A comfortable set of pajamas

At this point, you've probably received some lingerie or silk underwear by your bridesmaids. However, don't overlook the importance of a nice comfortable pair of pajamas. At the end of a tiring wedding day, you don't want your sleep to be interrupted by lace riding up anywhere. The pajama sets featured on Woman Within are as comfortable as they are cute. The fit is just right to give you enough room to move, without being too baggy. So save those tatty loose shirts for later on.

Woman Within

Amazon

Luxurious bath products

Many studies have proven the benefits of a good soak in the tub, such as boosting your mood and alleviating stress. With that in mind, don't you think your wedding night deserves the most pampering bath of your life?
This bubble bath from L'Occitane contains verbena extract, which is popular for its calming and moisturizing qualities. You can also use it in the morning — its citrus smell will immediately jumpstart your day.


Champagne and snacks

What better way to get into a celebratory mood than popping a bottle of bubbly? Make an intimate toast to your future with your champagne of choice. By doing this, it will also allow you to loosen up and let the adrenaline rush from the day simmer down. While you're at it, remember to pack some bedroom-friendly snacks, too. The Spruce Eats suggests light food like chocolate, honey, and fruit — scientifically proven to make you feel better.

Some relaxing scents

While flowers no doubt create a sentimental ambience, you'll need something a little stronger than that for a romantic scent that will last the night. Last year, the Danish concept of Hygge became the talk of the town for its emphasis on self-care and comfort.
Skandinavisk's 'Hygge' is the scented candle embodiment  of that, with its tea notes and strawberry cake undertones translating to an atmosphere of warmth. But of course, you want a touch of romance, which is what the rose petals and mint notes are for.

Image by Skandinavisk

About the author: Maggie Williams is a California-based stylist and fashion consultant with a degree in Communications. When she’s not working, Maggie enjoys surfing and going for runs with her dog, Lulu.

Header Photo by Skye Studios 

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Guest Post

How to sleep when you’re dealing with pre-wedding jitters

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Sleep + stress can be a very annoying combo for some Chillas. With your brain buzzing and your adrenaline pumping getting a restful night's sleep can be a challenge. Sarah from Tuck, a dedicated resource for both sleep health, shares some tips to help you get a good night sleep. ??

Bridechillas and Groomchillas have a lot on their mind when they are planning a wedding, which can make it difficult to stay chill. It can also make it difficult to sleep because you are focused on everything that needs to be done. Getting enough sleep is incredibly important to be able to handle all of the curveballs that come with event planning, so you need to make sure that you are doing everything you can to get them regularly! If you find this being a problem for you, here are some tips to help you deal with the stress that you are dealing with!

Work out the Jitters with Light Exercise

If you keep catching yourself fidgeting with things or struggling to focus, you might need to work on working out those jitters. If you find that it’s only showing up in the evening, you should do this with light exercise that doesn’t get your heart rate elevated too much in order to avoid the adrenaline rush that will keep you up all night. You can also do a heavier workout earlier in the day to make you more tired in the afternoons and evenings.

Photo by Jacob Postuma

Listen to a helpful episode of The Bridechila Podcast

Double Check Things At Home

If you’re far from home checking out new venues or actually getting married, it can be easy to get stressed about what might be going on at your home.

We recommend you call someone you trust and have them check on your home to make sure that it’s secure or check in with your security company to make sure that nothing unusual has been going on around your home. This is an easy way to assuage your fears and give you the peace of mind you deserve while you travel.

Talk to Your Partner About Your Worries

One of the perks of getting married is that you always have someone to turn to when you are struggling with something - your partner. If something about the wedding planning process is bothering you, talk to your partner about it. This event is about both of you so make sure that you’re not the only one stressing about the celebration. If you can’t talk to your partner, try bending your bridesmaids’ ears. They’re your close friends and are supposed to be helping you with your stress. They might even have the perfect solution to your problem!

Photo by Rhema Kallianpur

Optimize Your Sleep Area

Last but not least, make sure that your sleep area is as conducive to a good night’s sleep as possible. This means getting rid of distractions like your wedding planning supplies, blocking out extraneous noise and light, and putting your phone somewhere where you won’t reach for it in the middle of the night to do more work.

If you are tossing and turning, the reason might be related to the mattress that you are sleeping on or the pillows that you are resting your head on. Try changing up your pillows or mattress topper if you haven’t in a while to see if that helps. 

 Photo by Toa Heftiba

About Tuck

Tuck aims to improve sleep hygiene, health, and wellness through the creation and dissemination of comprehensive, unbiased, free resources. Boasting the largest collection of aggregated data on sleep products on the web (more than 300,000 customer experiences from thousands of unique sources), Tuck aims to power consumers, sleep professionals, and the troubled sleeper looking for answers.

Header image by Vladislav Muslakov

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

Staying True to Your ‘Chilla’, Planning a Wedding Far Away from Home

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Megan Velez, DestinationWeddings.com shares her best tips for maintaining your chill while planning a destination wedding, far away from home.

The only thing that can spark more stress than planning a wedding is planning a destination wedding – even for a Bridechilla! All of us want the wedding of our dreams, and when it’s a wedding taking place far from home, it can require some added care. Being unable to see your venue in person as needed and relying more on digital visualization can feel like a disadvantage, but staying organized and well-coordinated is the secret recipe to planning from afar.

Listen to an Accompanying Episode of Bridechilla

So, you want to plan a destination wedding

Perhaps the biggest strategy in all of this is planning your wedding with an expert. This will give you peace of mind that the entire wedding and all of your guests’ travel arrangements are taken care of. You’ll want to have an upfront video conversation to establish expectations and build trust, but the relief of having someone else shoulder the weight of logistics is invaluable. You’re also more likely to score hidden perks and savings you wouldn’t be able to find on your own.

Take it a step further and remember to use a wedding website. In this day and age, digital planning tools are your best friend when it comes to planning a wedding from afar. A wedding website will set you up with everything you and your guests need to stay in touch and relay important information. Take advantage of the tools most sites have to offer, such as sending e-save the dates and keeping track of your guest list RSVPs and booking confirmations with a digital planner. Not to mention, you’ll have an outlet to share your love story and upload some romantic engagement photos.

Image by Brittany Bay Productions

Delegating tasks as a destination Bridechilla

Apart from having a destination wedding planner to take care of the details and keep you sane, there are certain things that are just better suited for other people to handle during the planning process. This is especially true if you’re more of a ‘hands-off’ type of bride.

Your resort wedding coordinator will do the heavy lifting as far as the day-of details, and we recommend working with a travel specialist that can coordinate all of the accommodations and transportation to and from the wedding. They will be the go-to resource for guests with booking questions, which can save you a ton of stress in the long run and leave you to focus on the fun details!

If you’re a DIY bride, look to your bridal party to help with tasks such as creating wedding favors, centerpieces, etc. They’ll also be in charge of planning the bachelorette and/or bridal shower, should you choose to have one.

Image by Chris Bautista Photography

Avoiding worst-case scenarios

A common misconception about planning a tropical destination wedding is that you’ll eliminate the worry of inclement weather. The reality is that you’re still at risk, especially during hurricane season. No matter the locale or weather, always have a backup plan. Luckily, many resort venues offer a complimentary stay to preview the resort ahead of time, and you’ll be able to map out a physical plan B.

Don’t overlook the fact that just because your flight got out on time, doesn’t mean everyone else’s did. Keep your VIP guests in mind and be prepared to decide what to do should they not be able to make it to your destination on time. And since you’re traveling for the big day, a very detailed packing list is necessary! It may be obvious to pack the veil and your wedding shoes, but trust us, small yet obvious items CAN be left behind.

If you’re arriving to your destination a few days before the big day, be cautious of tan lines (and worst yet, sunburns!) for both you and your wedding party. Remember that you’re in a foreign country, and it’s important to also be aware of how your stomach may react to certain foods/drinks. Be cautious of drinking tap water or eating things you may not normally eat, just in case you have an adverse reaction.

The best thing you can do for yourself when planning a destination wedding is to trust your gut and do your research. Look at real weddings in the area you’re planning to hold yours, and see what other real couples have done with the venue space or in way of utilizing décor. Take any second guesses out of the equation and use the unique resources you have as a destination Bridechilla in your favor!

Image by Katya Nova Photography

Megan Velez is the Vice President of Product at DestinationWeddings.com, the world's leading destination wedding and romantic travel planning company. DestinationWeddings.com has worked with nearly 25,000 couples and half a million guests to plan dream destination weddings. DestinationWeddings.com is one of the award-winning brands in the Celebration Travel Group collection.

Header Image by Nathan Dumlao

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

Lessons from organising two weddings in two continents

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

My husband and I always knew that getting married will be a big project. Him being Australian, and me Croatian, we established early on that the only way to pull this off would be to have 2 full weddings – one in each country.  We just didn’t want anyone to miss out! We had set out to organise 6 events in total, all in September 2018 – each wedding would also have welcome drinks the day before, and recovery meal the day after. We had 9 months to plan all of this, all while working our very demanding jobs.

Yet, miraculously, we pulled it off, and had the best of times!  

Here are a few things we learned along the way, in a hope that it might help someone else.

1. Write down what is important at the start, and use it to make decisions

I was warned of a sheer number of decisions we will have to make. And I didn’t believe what I was told. You just pick a venue, a dress, a photographer, and you are pretty much there – right? Nope. Each one of the “big” decisions (e.g. which vendor) has another thousand smaller  decisions behind it. So how did we cope with all this decision-making? We wrote down what is important for us before starting any planning. Some of the things that were important to us were that every one of our guests feels included and comfortable. And then when making decisions, we asked ourselves “Does this really matter for the day we would like to create?” If it didn’t, we just picked the most convenient/cheapest option. If it did, we took the high road. This meant, for example, that in Croatia we had both the ceremony and all the speeches in both languages, just to make sure everyone can participate.

2. If organising additional events - either delegate or make fuss-free

Yes, we had six events. That sounds scary. But quite honestly, there was very minimal work involved with pre & post wedding events.

For our Croatian wedding, my parents threw welcome drinks for everyone in their backyard, and we booked a pizza place 100m from where most of the people were staying for recovery lunch the next day. In Australia, we booked a gorgeous Airbnb apartment with a pool to stay at, and invited everyone  around for BYO pool drinks. All we had to do was get some snacks from the supermarket, and book the café for recovery brunch the next day.

It was really important for us to spend plenty of time with our guests that travelled from near and far to celebrate with us. This way made it happen, with minimal effort.

3. You are a team, and each player has their strengths – play to them!

I love planning and organising, while my husband is great at making – both decisions and things with his hands. So we tried to play to our strengths, and divided our list of tasks accordingly. I did most of the planning, mapping out tasks, keeping us honest, and researching options. He, on the other hand, did a whole lot of making – he learned how to make our gorgeous rings, and also my bridal bouquet using combination of flowers from the markets and our backyard. We couldn’t stick to this plan for 100% of the time (sometimes one just needs to do what they don’t like), but we did where we could, and it made our planning process much more enjoyable. 

4. Think about little ones, but also trust that their parents know what they are doing

A lot of our friends have small children. In keeping with our wedding priorities, we gave parents the choice whether or not to bring them – we wanted them to be able to choose what is best for their family. This meant that at both weddings we had 10+ kids aged between 3 months and 4 years. To make it fun for them, and also keep them entertained, we made them little kiddie packs. These were simple bags with a few fun things – colouring books, soap bubble bottles, glow sticks. The kids loved them and got hours of fun out of them! One lesson learned however, was that we worried too much about how to accommodate logistics – e.g. where are kids going to sleep. We forgot that parents take care of those logistics every single day, and that they will work out what is best for their kid, without us needing to worry or plan.

5. Carefully incorporated traditions can make everything more fun and meaningful

Traditional Croatian weddings include numerous traditions. However, most modern couples decide to ditch those traditions for the sake of having a modern wedding, whatever that means to them. My husband rightfully pointed out to me that these traditions make Croatian weddings very unique and special. So we went through a long list of traditions, and picked the ones that we found fun and that worked for us. That is why we assigned someone to smash a plate before dinner, we made the best man look for the right bride to bring to the groom, and we toasted with the traditional drink of rakija. The ceremony, on the other hand, was very Australian, but it incorporated the Croatian tradition of a bridesmaid  presenting the bride her bouquet along with a little speech to say farewell to her bachelorette days.

In incorporating these, we were careful to bring our guests along to the journey. So we made sure that there was an explanation of what is going to happen, and why, so that they could all participate.

6. Go an extra mile to make it personal, but be selective about DIY

It is so easy to get carried away with all the gorgeous ideas one can find on pinterest. But if adding additional work (especially when it involves DIY), we tried to ask ourselves “Is this going to make it more us, or just a prettier picture?”. Pretty pictures are nice, but not really worth our precious time. And DIY is such a time investment! We did some of it – in addition to rings and bouquet, we made little ceremony booklets featuring Our Story, and tables named after the favourite places we travelled together. Involving our talented friends also made the whole experience much more meaningful and personal for us and (we hope) for them. We had a friend play out ceremony songs, another one make our wedding cake topper, our friend was our celebrant in Croatia and the groom’s brother our photographer in Australia. Involving them brought us so much joy!

7. Having two weddings? That is two chances to get it right!

While the remainder of the advice can be applied to any wedding, this one really just works if you have two of them. having two weddings really takes the pressure off, because the chances are you’ll get it right at least once. So we reused what we could (our outfits, guestbook, ceremony songs, first dance) and mixed and matched the rest. We had a cake in Croatia, and a dessert table in Australia. I wore the same dress, but had different hair style and accessories to make it interesting. We had a professional photographer and videographer in Croatia (where it is much more affordable), but not in Australia. You get the point – if you are doing the whole (or part of the) thing twice, take advantage of the freedom that gives you

Happy days!

Mateja (and Jason)

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