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Bridechilla Wedding Planning

Helping You Ditch Wedding Stress And Plan The Wedding You Want

Tag:

bridal party

Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

How to Tell Someone They’re Not In Your Bridal Party

by Kealia Reynolds June 7, 2019
written by Kealia Reynolds

If you thought picking a wedding venue was difficult, just wait until you’re deciding who to include in your bridal party. Before I got engaged, I thought I was going to have the hardest time just finding friends and family to include. I was in a variety of friend groups in college, so I never really had a core of super knit friends that most people seem to have. However, once my fiancé popped the question, I felt myself struggling to narrow down my party to eight. Unfortunately, I had to have hard conversations with a few people and tell them they weren’t going to be able to be in my bridal party. Here are a few tips to help you if you need to have a similar conversation.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

1. Be honest

If you’re having a small bridal party, or no bridesmaids at all, the fact of the matter is that you just won’t be able to have everyone you love as a bridesmaid. When communicating this to your friend or family member, be honest. If you’re only having four bridesmaids, and all of your sisters are going to fill that role, your friend won’t be able to make the cut. I would avoid saying, “Hey, we’re not that close, so I don’t want you to be a bridesmaid.” Even if that may be true, simply being honest about having a set number of bridesmaids works a lot better.

2. Deliver the message in their preferred form of communication

If your friend or family member matters to you, try to have this conversation in person. I thought one of the friends I was telling preferred to communicate over text, but as we were having the conversation, I could tell she would’ve preferred if I had talked to her about everything in person. Even though the conversation may be uncomfortable, your friend deserves that respect.

Bride with a bridesmaid

Photo by Samantha Gades

Listen to the episode 347 of Bridechilla- How to be a Maidchilla

3. Invite her to other bridal events

If you truly wanted your friend to be in your bridal party but didn’t have the room to fit her in, ask her if she’d want to participate in another role at your wedding. For example, you could ask her to read scripture, pass out programs, help seat people, or even play music during the ceremony. You could also invite her to other important bridal events, like the shower and bachelorette party. Whatever you do, don’t extend a pity invite and make them a third-wheel at all of your events—this could just drive a wedge between you two and lead to extremely hurt feelings.

4. Listen to your friend

It’s no surprise that your friend might be incredibly hurt by the situation. That’s OK and totally expected. Instead of engaging in a heated discussion, bite your tongue and listen to her express her frustrations or hurt. If things do start to get heated, give yourselves a time-out and try to revisit the conversation at a later time.

Couple getting married wedding ceremony

Photo by Kendra Allen

5. Tell them early

The second you get engaged, your friend may automatically think she’s a bridesmaid. The longer you put it off, the more hurt and confusion it could cause in the future. Talk to your friend as early as possible to prevent them from having to find out from social media or another medium that they aren’t actually going to be in the wedding.

Hopefully, you won’t have this problem when trying to narrow down your wedding party, but if you do, stick to these tips and you’ll be able to gracefully let your friend down easy.

friends laughing together

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Kealia Reynolds is a Bridechilla and a house writer at House Method

Show image by Daiga Ellaby 

June 7, 2019
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347- Bridesmaid Week- How to be a Maidchilla

by Aleisha November 19, 2018
written by Aleisha

Working with your Bridal Party and Bridesmaids in particular, should be fun. They're good friends that you have asked to join you to celebrate your wedding day and perhaps also in pre-wedding activities.
Being a bridesmaid, a Maidchilla, has evolved over recent years with a lot of extra tasks and commitments being added to the to-do list (and added financial obligations). In this episode of Bridechilla, I share my best tips for smooth Bridal Party communication, so you can get on with having an awesome time and ditch any potential stress!

Listen to Bridechilla episode 347

The Bridechilla community is not only dedicated to helping brides plan their wedding, we are also here to help bridesmaids know how to be a Maidchilla. On this episode of the Bridechilla Podcast, Aleisha shares what she has learned from her own experience and from her interaction with other people in the Bridechilla community about how to be a great bridesmaid. After listening to this episode, you can get much more information by purchasing Aleisha’s new book, The Maidchilla Manual, available for preorder on November 23, Black Friday 2018.

Maidchillas are an elite group of friends who are also now suddenly event planners and counselors and concierges who want to help their Bridechilla get all their shit in order and not lose their marbles!

Sharing the Bridechilla mindset with your bridal party

The Maidchilla Manual was written out of a need to extend the Bridechilla mindset into the wedding party. Many of the questions and comments within the Bridechilla community involve being a part of a wedding party. With so many differing traditions, preferences and expectations, it’s hard to know the proper etiquette for being a great bridesmaid. Aleisha shares some tips for how to manage expectations and increase the chill in the bridal party during this episode. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 

What is the difference between a bridesmaid and a Maidchilla? 

Bridesmaids can either be a delight or a disaster. A Maidchilla is different. They refuse to participate in petty arguments or drama. They realize their major role is to support their Bridechilla. Aleisha says that adopting the Bridechilla mindset puts a Maidchilla in an elite group of friends that help create great wedding planning and wedding day experience. Listen to the key differences between a typical bridesmaid and a Maidchilla on this week’s Bridechilla podcast. 

Communication is the key

In any relationship, communication is key. A lot of misunderstandings and issues can be avoided if expectations were communicated clearly from the outset. Aleisha says, “Most problems come from the assumption of information.” She stresses the importance of having honest conversations with the wedding party early on in the planning process. Talk about potential issues before they blow up into major problems. And most importantly, set expectations clearly so that there is no confusion about roles, whose in charge of what, what to wear, or any other part of wedding planning.

The Maidchilla Manual

The guide for how to be a Maidchilla

The goal of the new Maidchilla Manual is to provide solutions and options to make the wedding a kick-ass experience. Considering the variety of people and the different life-circumstances represented in most bridal parties, there is plenty of opportunity for issues to arises. Bringing together people who may not normally be acquainted can be difficult. On this week’s podcast, Aleisha shares from her personal experience of dealing with those difficulties and how she strives to be a Maidchilla herself. She also addresses many other issues related to having or being a part of a wedding party. 

Be sure to grab your copy of The Maidchilla Manual. You can preorder The Maidchilla Manual for a really sweet deal on Black Friday, November 23, 2018. For more information or to order, visit bridechillastore.com.

Show Highlights

  • [1:33] After many comments and questions about how to deal with bridesmaids, Aleisha is now addressing the topic with her new book The Maidchilla Manual
  • [6:33] The difference between being a bridesmaid and being a Maidchilla
  • [12:05] What is the job of a Maidchilla? 
  • [22:14] The big list of questions to ask your Bridechilla to help clarify expectations. 
  • [23:52] Aleisha shares a story of how she had to put aside her life circumstances to help make her friends wedding special
  • [30:02] Giving your wedding party choice and individuality with things like what to wear
  • [35:23] The Maidchilla manual has guidance for adopting the Bridechilla mindset
  • [36:29] How to deal with removing someone from your bridal party and how to avoid that situation altogether
  • [39:39] Remember that the wedding is about making a memorable day and not getting wrapped up in the drama or stress

Photo by Liz Weddon

Memorable Quotes

  • “Most problems come from the assumption of information.”
  • “I feel quite strongly that you shouldn’t invite people to the bachelorette or hen’s party that aren’t invited to the wedding.”
  • “Everyone involved (in the wedding) are at very different stages in their life”
  • “It would have to be very dramatic to remove someone from a bridal party, because that decision is a friendship ender or at least a friendship big-dent-maker.”

Photo by William Iven 

Show image by Brooke Cagle 

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

November 19, 2018
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324 – Bridechilla Q&A- Bridal Party Dramas

by Aleisha June 11, 2018
written by Aleisha

I am delighted to welcome a special co-host to join me to answer you Bridechilla wedding planning questions, Bridechilla Directory member, wedding planner and podcaster, Cindy Savage from, an Aisle Less Travelled. We talk the values of the metric system, sewing and of course answer your wedding planning questions which this episode are all based on bridal party drama and managing expectations.

Listen to Episode 324 of Bridechilla 

Stop comparing your wedding to others

Our first wedding planning question comes from an anonymous Bridechilla who is torn about between asking a close friend to be her maid of honor as she is also planning her wedding and in doing so is being far more meticulous and traditional.
Our anonymous Bridechilla is concerned about how her potential MOH will react to her more casual approach to wedding planning and doesn’t want to get into a competitive situation, as their weddings are quite close to each other’s. How do you find away to accept each other's different approaches to planning the day and also manage expectations from the get-go? 

Comparison is the thief of joy 

It can be hard to sometimes remember this wonderful quote when we have our heads in the game but I think the sooner we can step back from the idea that wedding planning has become a competitive sport,  the sooner many of us will feel relief and freedom to just do what makes us happy. Our advice for our wonderful anonymous Bridechilla is to be open and clear about what she needs and wants from her friends involvement. Talking about their differing viewpoints, especially  if she is worried that her friend is possibly going to come in and try and change things or comment in a way that makes you unhappy.

Bridesmaid drama

Photo by Tamara Menzi

Dodging Family Conflict

Bridechilla Kelly is conflicted. She isn't close with her sister and has decided to ask a close friend to be her maid of honor. She is having no other bridal party. Upon discovering this, her sister flipped out and Kelly is now very conflicted between letting her sister down and doing what she really wants and that is having her friend be her maid of honor. 

I am sure we all have relationships within our family unit that aren't as strong as other's or that exists in a delicate ecosystem of emotions. It can often be extremely challenging to push back and not go the way that is expected of you...for Kelly that might be just relenting and giving here sister a place in her wedding but I see wedding planning as not only a place to plan an event and create your own traditions, it can be a place to step up and follow what you want to do without the pressure to conform to pressure from family and friends to 'do the right thing'.

Meet Bridechilla Guest- Cindy Savage

Image by Pinxit Photo

I’m Cindy Savage, your queer feminist wedding anti-status-quo planner. I help independent, feminist, and LGBTQ people like you plan meaningful weddings while keeping your sanity and your budget intact.

I offer a full range of wedding planning and coordination services, from hourly consultation to wedding day management to planning subscriptions to complete wedding planning and event design. So no matter what your needs or budget are, if we’re the right fit, I can help you create the wedding that is right for YOU! (And don’t worry – we’ll be lowering the stress and increasing the fun while we’re at it.) 

I’m based in St. Louis, Missouri and Portland, Oregon, and travel is included within the continental United States – so we can work together no matter where you are.

I happen to be really good at planning big parties and at helping you sort out what’s important to you – so that your wedding is the YOU-est wedding there ever could be. 

Oh yeah, and I’m also great at reducing your wedding planning stress so you can chill the f*ck out!

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Demetrius Washington 

June 11, 2018
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272- Secrets of Bridesmaid Dress Shopping

by Aleisha June 12, 2017
written by Aleisha

Shopping for Bridesmaids attire can be challenging for some Bridechillas, particularly if you don't have a firm vision of how you would like your bridal party to 'look'. When you think about it (without getting too existential) it's a pretty odd thing to do, choosing dresses for your friends and even weirder to make them all look the same...but hey there are lots of aspects of weddings that are strange and fun, I say embrace it! This episode of the Bridechilla Podcast tackles all of the highs and lows of shopping for and with your Maidchilla friends!
There is a lot of scope for creativity, with the rise of the non matching bridesmaids dresses also opportunity to rent dresses that will help you embrace your friend's shapes, personalities and individual styles.

Listen to episode 272 of Bridechilla

Who Pays For Bridesmaids Dresses?

Spend some time on wedding forums, and you will soon see that this is a fiercely contested a grey area and to be annoying (and avoid the backlash) I'm going to say it does depend on where you live.In my home country of Australia, Maidchillas get up are usually funded by the bride and groom whereas I understand that many Bridechillas in the USA ask their Maidchillas to pay for their dresses.

Whichever path you are taking I encourage you to the open and communicative with your bridal party about the expectations of their attire and who is paying for what. If the bridal party is paying for the dress/suit, be mindful their financial situations. Not everyone is in the same position. If it’s awks to talk about this with the group then discuss privately and be mindful of that this can be a delicate topic for some.

*I am someone who has used been personally financially stretched by being a part of a bridal party, and I felt embarrassed that I didn't feel as free and easy with cash as some of the other Maidchillas at the time.

Group Decision And There Be Bridesmaids Dress Democracy?

It great to be casual when it comes to some wedding planning decisions. However, miss free and easy can sometimes backfire, particularly when you are working with a group. Shopping with a group can be challenging. There are many voices, opinions and budgets. Having a direction and knowing a vague outcome of shopping expeditions, such as looking for gold, knee-length, cocktail dresses will give you a good start to keeping everyone focused and not going too rogue.

Ditch the Matchy Matchy

The current trend of mismatched Maidchillas dresses and outfits is excellent for embracing different styles and body shapes. It allows everyone to shine and is a lovely way to personalise bridesmaid attire and still stick to a theme or colour scheme if you so wish. The re-wearability is higher in these choices too.The mismatched look works best when there is some unity a theme.It could be a colour or design, a pattern or theme. The trick is finding a balance between, 'be free' and 'let's tie this thing together'.

Mismatched Bridesmaids Options

  • How To Get it Right- Pick a material colour and give your bridesmaids the option of choosing the cut and style of dress/jumpsuit/gown
  • Choose a colour scheme and let them choose their dress (just be mindful of clashing. Giving them a colour swatch is an easy solution)
  • Purchase dresses from the same retailer, who use the same material but will create dresses in different styles
  • Incorporating a Bridesman into the mix by adding an accessory such as a pocket-chief (?), tie in matching colours to the bridesmaids, etc

Ditch The Commitment,  Rent Bridesmaids Dresses Instead

There is also a huge boom in renting Bridesmaids dresses, which gives you a big advantage in catering for different tastes, shapes and price ranges. This option is great for are looking to explore both the non-matching trend or if you are wanting you’re A-team to wear similar or matching attire. Vow to be Chic has hundreds of bridesmaid dresses to hire (Every order comes with 2 dresses, in 2 sizes, 2 weeks before the wedding, so no need for size panic) as does Rent The Runway. 

Image by Vow to be Chic

Again, taking advantage of finding packages and deals, with free shipping and also try-ons, you can create an event around trying on options, before you make your final decision.

Thanks to Episode 272 guests, Danielle and Taylor from Kennedy Blue. 

June 12, 2017
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Bridechilla Blog

10 White Lies Bridesmaids Tell You…Because they are nice.

by Aleisha April 22, 2017
written by Aleisha

On the Bridechilla Podcast, I've talked a BUNCH about Bridesmaids, their role, how to communicate with them and make sure that your friendship flourishes not flounders during your wedding planning. (I've even confessed my previous experience as a moderately awful bridesmaid). 
Your bridesmaids are your A-Team. The Ms T's to the grey head bloke with the cigar… they’re your close friends who know that they can be honest and open with you but also know when to pop a cork in it to prevent hurt feelings, tantrums and being socially outcast. So here’s a list of the top ten white lies that bridesmaids may tell...because they are nice. 

1. I really, really love the bridesmaid dress you chose. Off the shoulder, corset ruffles…I will definitely wear it again. Definitely.

If I say ‘really’ and ‘definitely’ a LOT then maybe it will sound convincing that post wedding the dress will not be permanently residing in the far reaches of my closet next to my $79 GOOP yoga mat and trainers that were guaranteed to make my bum look like Kim K’s and will require double spanks to not make me look like I’ve just given birth. Please consider following the non-matchy matchy- pick a dress that we can perhaps wear again trend, or at least something that won't be used in a 'most humiliating clothing experiences of my life montage.  

2. Sure, attending a weekend workshop/dance class to learn choreography for your elaborate bridesmaids/groomsman opening aisle walk sounds fun!

Lady Gaga may have told us to just dance but she isn’t doing the running man in stilettos with a groomsman sidekick, who suffers from an underdeveloped sense of rhythm.
Did I mention that I was wearing double spanks?! Please....please stop this. 

3. I love talking about your wedding!

I actually really do but before we talk about the traitors who haven’t returned their RSVPs in the allotted time, please, I beg of you.... allow me to unload about annoying Meg from work who although appears meek, is, in fact, a tyrannical, psychopathic overlord who is running my life.
I respect my bridesmaids responsibilities and all that comes with the role but I also need you as a friend as well as a bride-to-be, you get me and I have things going on in my life too…mainly plotting to dethrone Meg.
I think I actually hate her.

5. I will hold your dress up while you pee.

SRSY is that actually a thing? I thought it was just in the movies?
Just hitch it up.
Or hold on.
Surely, the dress isn't so big that it prevents you visiting the bathroom solo?
I’m going to ban liquids on the morning of your wedding or we can go shopping and find a dress that allows you to perform normal bodily functions without an escort.

6. Of course, I won’t sleep with the single and stunningly handsome groomsman

Hey!
Two years ago would have totally jumped him. You’re getting hitched. It’s your day but it could be my night. Plus, he may turn out to be my future husband!
Think of how awesome it could be for us if it all works out OR imagine the fun we'll have coordinating avoidance tactics at social functions for the next 53 years. 

7. 6 am pre-wedding bridal party barre fitness classes! Yes, please!

PLEASE No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the most hungover, sleep deprived, dedicated bridesmaid of them all? ME. No one should be putting their legs in these positions at this time of morning….ever but I will because you are my mate, who wants rock hard wedding buttocks.

8. You don’t want me to cut my hair for 11 months because you’ve always dreamed of having bridesmaids with beefy chignons!? Of course!

DON'T. PUSH. ME. CAUSE.I'M. CLOSE. TO. THE. EDGE.
And even closer to getting 'Spite bangs'
Just buy me a wig. Seriously.

9. Of course, I’ll  visit 36 bridal salons every saturday until you find ‘the one’.

For you anything, my friend but if there is complimentary champs, I’m drinking it and I can’t promise to remember the specific details of ‘that cream lace gown with the plunging back from store #26’ but I will nod as if I do.
I will be calm, honest and bounce with joy when you find 'the one'. 

10. You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I love you to LA and back.

You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I will be there and you'll be there for me when I go through it all! 

Listen and subscribe to The Bridechilla Podcast via iTunes | Stitcher |
Download the Bridechilla app via IOS | Google Play

April 22, 2017
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Bridechilla Podcast

263- Weddings: Who pays for what?

by Aleisha April 10, 2017
written by Aleisha

Talking about money is not always easy- in any facet of our lives.
Most of us aren’t raised to speak openly about what we are spending our money on and how much we earn and it can be hard to ask friends and family to contribute financially to things and talk openly about cash.

Listen to the Episode below

So, when it comes to weddings, there is so much to pay for (SO MUCH) and it can often be difficult to figure out who is responsible for paying for what.

From splitting costs with parents to Bridesmaids and Groomsman’s attire, often the hardest conversations you will have in your planning adventures figuring out how to talk about the expense of it all.

If you can conquer your budget and the money talk, I guarantee your wedding planning will be 100% easier.

https://www.thebridechilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/EP-263-Video.mp4

Knowing where you stand, who is paying for what and how it is all going to play out will leave you so much calmer and prepared and far outweigh the temporary awkwardness, some of us feel about speaking about money.

Join Plan the Day and Save

Today I am joined by my lovely friend Cristina from Plantheday.com who joins me to co-host the show and shares her insight and experience on this subject. Cristina is offering a fabulous 50% off plantheday.com use the codeword- Bridechilla!

Download The Bridechilla App on IOS & ANDROID and
use the Codeword KOALA to save 25%

April 10, 2017
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Bridechilla Blog

Bridal Code of Conduct…do you need one?

by Aleisha February 4, 2017
written by Aleisha

By Bridechilla Allison
There’s been a lot of discussion on the podcast recently about bridesmaids, and I know that many bridechillas are having difficulty choosing their bridal parties or have horror stories about their bridesmaids being really terrible.
Any time relationships and communication come into play, there’s a potential for drama. Weddings are rife with stress, and any time emotions come out the claws can too. But I wanted to share my bridal party story with you because I think that some careful planning and consideration (and avoiding obligations at all costs!) can help make sure that on your wedding day you’re surrounded by people who really want to be there and who really support you.

A lot of us have a friend we’ve known since childhood who we’ve thought about having in our wedding since before that wedding was on the horizon. For me that’s my best friend. We’ve been friends since 4th grade, and we’re extremely close. I couldn’t imagine choosing anyone else as my lady of honor. But I’ve also been a bridesmaid a couple of times. And in both of those weddings, the maid of honor was the bride’s oldest friend, but not necessarily her best friend anymore. I think it’s totally natural to get swept up in the happiness and nostalgia that accompanies a wedding, but when you’re oldest friend lives far away (out of state in the case of my friend’s friends) and is totally consumed in her own life—there’s a big chance that it’s going to be hard for her to step up as maid of honor.
One of the maids of honor really ended up hurting my friend’s feelings and made her wedding just a little less happy and special than it could have been. Sometimes you choose this person anyway—if she’s really your best friend there’s no problem with that—but I think you have to be really open about your expectations. For instance, my bridesmaid (she hates this title and she’s choosing her own) lives all the way across the country in Washington DC. I knew that she probably wouldn’t be able to fly back for every party/event. But I did know that she was invested in being a part of celebrations and that she wanted to be involved in whatever way she could be. I knew when I asked her there was a chance she wasn’t going to be able to participate, and I had to be okay with that and give her the choice. However, she’s amazing and she told me in no uncertain terms that of course she was going to be involved.

I think that people will tend to step up and do what you need from them if you
a) make sure that they’re normally people who have your back,
and
b) you tell them what exactly it is you need from them.
A lot of bridesmaid drama comes from lack of communication—it’s a tough role to be at someone’s beck and call and not know what you need to do.
Your bridesmaids can’t read your mind, and it can’t just be your lady of honor who does all the communicating with the group. Not that you want to make demands—you want to have an open conversation.
When I asked everyone in the bridal party to stand up with me, I wrote each of them a letter talking about how important they are to me, and some of my favorite memories. I also included a Bridal Code of Conduct I wanted to be held to and wrote what I knew I needed from each of them: crafting help from the crafty lady of honor, someone to vent to from my bridesmaid who is the best listener, and someone in my corner from my bridesman (bridesdude?).
I talked about what kinds of parties there were going to be, what their individual duties might be, and I asked them to keep me on the straight and narrow.

via GIPHY

Choosing my third attendant was definitely the toughest part of the process. I really didn’t want to have more than three people standing up with me (just too many people to organize), so I had a dilemma on my hands. I could choose one of my fiancé’s sisters, but he has four of them, and I didn’t want to alienate any of them by making a choice between them. I could choose from one of my close group of friends, but there are three of them, and again I didn’t want there to be hurt feelings. So I decided to have my brother stand up with me. Originally the plan was for him to be a part of my fiancé’s side of things, but having my brother with me allowed my fiancé to have all four of his brothers stand up with him (uneven bridal parties really don’t bother us).
Having my brother as a bridesguy was an awesome decision. Yes, it makes some things more difficult, but I like being challenged to think about the “normal” way things are done and to question tradition.
We have to rethink the procession situation, but my bridesmaid doesn’t think she should have to be supported by one of the guys anyway, and I think she’s right.If you do have a bridesman, I think it’s really important to tend to their feelings. If anyone made my brother upset or uncomfortable there would be one angry sister up in someone’s business! My brother is going to participate in my shower, but he’s going to the bachelor party instead of the bachelorette party (whatever that ends up being. No one will tell me anything…).

I think it’s just all about having open lines of communication and respecting everyone’s feelings. As far as clothes go, since there are only two ladies in dresses (my brother is wearing a black suit like the rest of the guys), I asked them both to pick a knee-length black dress. I know they’ll both look great, and they’ll get to pick a dress that they can work into their budding professional wardrobes—everyone needs a little black dress. Not worrying about what they’re going to wear takes so much stress out of my life, and I know they’ll feel and look best in something that looks like them. I trust their taste and know they’ll pick something beautiful. They can wear any shoe they please and do their hair any way they like—I just want them to feel like themselves.I love my untraditional bridal party, and I’m really happy that they’re the ones that will be standing up with me. I think that challenging the standard way of doing things is great. When it comes to bridal parties, I’m all for throwing “have to” out the window and choosing the people you want.

Allison's blog
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February 4, 2017
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Bridechilla Blog

Assembling Your #Squad

by Aleisha August 30, 2016
written by Aleisha

BRIDECHILLA GRADUATE ERICA KNOWS THAT CHOOSING YOUR BRIDAL PARTY IS TRICKY BUSINESS!

Erica Greenwold Reisen is a recently married person who also plans weddings, makes crafts, and writes about wedding things at her website, www.folieadeuxevents.com. You can find her on Instagram @folie.a.deux.nc, Facebook, and Patreon.

I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, once for my sister and once for a friend who is practically a sister. I’ve also been the friend who spent weekends crafting, made dresses, went gown shopping, etc... without the matching dress or my name in a program. I love weddings so much that I am always offering to help whenever a friend is getting hitched! My stint as a bridesmaid and informal wedding assistant is how I got interested in Wedding Planning as a profession.Bridesmaids/Groomsmen can be so helpful while you are planning a wedding. They are (hopefully) your best mates and will be honest and have your back when shit inevitably gets hard, because it totally will.
Choosing a bridal party becomes more complicated as you get older and your friends are spread around the country.
Who do you pick? Your childhood BFFs? Your college roommates? Siblings and cousins? Local pals you play trivia with every Tuesday? All of them? This is how you end up with bridal parties with 10 girls and 10 guys lined up on either side of the couple!

I had my super amazing, Type-A sister as my Maid of Honor and that was it. Plus this saved my lady-friends some serious coin as most of them were traveling from out of state. My husband chose one of his two best friends to be Best Man at our wedding, and the other acted as a witness at our legal ceremony a few months earlier (more on that in another post!).This is clearly not the route many people want to go.

Since moving to North Carolina, every wedding I have attended has had 6+ Bridesmaids/Groomsmen with the exception of one that had no bridal party at all. For most people, they have spent their whole life dreaming of their wedding and their bridal party is an integral part of that dream.So let’s get back to the question of how to choose your bridal party. These are the people who need to always have your back, tell you the truth even when it’s hard, walk you back from the edge when your relatives are driving you mad. They need to be 100% on board in support of your relationship with your partner. And I think most importantly they need to BE THERE.

Being there may not mean physically always there, because like I said before, as we get older, people spread out around the country and world. No, when I say they need to be there, I mean they need to be actively involved in and excited for your wedding. Distance may preclude dress-shopping trips together, but Skype is free and shared Pinterest boards are awesome.

The story is that bridesmaids were originally meant to be decoys to distract and confuse demons who might want to curse the bride on her wedding day. Today, we dress our ladies (and gents) in matching outfits and line them up behind us to bear witness to our nuptials, all the while suffering in uncomfortable shoes, in front of 100+ people.

Being a bridesmaid has taken on an odd cultural significance as well.“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,”as the saying goes, shames women simply for having a bunch of close friends who happened to get hitched before she did! So beyond the hot pink matching dresses and demon distraction, what is the Bridal Party actually for?

There are traditional responsibilities assigned to the Maid of Honor and Best Man, such as acting as the official witnesses to the marriage and planning the bachelor and bachelorette shindigs. Additionally, the Maid of Honor and Best Man can be your go-to people when you need to start delegating organizational tasks or managing meddling family members. What about the rest of the bridal party? Their job is to help you however they can and be there to support you and your partner every step of the way. These days, they should also be handy with a glue gun and experts at making DIY glitter-dipped wine bottle centerpieces.

As Bridechillas & Groomchillas we know that we should do our best to avoid inviting obligation guests, but what about obligation bridesmaids/groomsmen?
Maybe you told someone way back that you would totally be each other’s bridesmaids but now you barely talk? Or maybe you were a friend’s bridesmaid when they got married but now your relationship has changed? Family can be tough too. Maybe your Aunt expects you to put Cousin Kelly in your bridal party even though you only ever talk at family reunions and she is 6 years your junior.

At the end of the day, it is your wedding and you and your partner should be the ones who decide who you want to represent you as a couple and who will support you completely for your wedding and beyond into your marriage.

No matter what you decide re: the matching garments, your best friends will be there for you regardless. Our wedding was actually one of the best days of my life because of all of the friends who I finally got to see again at the same time and same place. Our wedding was a celebration of love and friendship, and not just between my husband and I, but our friends and family who helped us along the way. I don’t think I have hugged so many people so hard in my entire life. Our friends did not need matching outfits to know how important they are to us.

All gorgeous images by Chris Tavares from Photopher.com.
Other vendors featured in the photos are: Motorco Music Hall, Durham NC -
Tattly Temporary Tattoos - www.tattly.com

August 30, 2016
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Bridechilla Podcast

139- Advice for a Best Man, MOH and bridal party

by Aleisha February 29, 2016
written by Aleisha

In this episode I feature an interview with my best friend Daniel Burt.
Dan was my best man at our wedding and he is highly regarded and experienced comedian writer and performer.
Today is all about your bridal party… in particular MOH’s and best men. What their responsibilities and roles and more importantly how do they interpret what you want from them?
The interview is all about casting off the clichés and encouraging your bridal party to embrace who you are as a couple and the history of your friendships.
Dan makes me laugh, I loved having him on the show and I think you will very much enjoyed this episode.

Listen to episode 139 of Bridechilla

Wedding images by Louisa Bailey Photographer- http://www.louisabailey.com/

February 29, 2016
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Bridechilla Podcast

130- Wedding Q&A-MIL Veronika returns!

by Aleisha January 28, 2016
written by Aleisha

She’s back, my Mother In-Law Veronika…a crowd favourite joins me again to answer your wedding questions.

She’s outspoken, kind and knows what she wants…I reckon she might be the original #Mumchilla.

In this episode we talk about up tight mothers, pregnant bridal party members and manners…VERY IMPORTANT!

All that and a lot, lot more on the Bridechilla Wedding Podcast, the #1 wedding planning podcast!

January 28, 2016
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Hi, I’m Aleisha

Hi, I’m Aleisha

Founder of Bridechilla

I created The Bridechilla Podcast, Guides and Facebook Community to empower you to plan an awesome wedding day and put all of the wedstress and obligation straight in the Fuck It Bucket!
With 350+ episodes of Bridechilla, 3 Guides and hundreds of blogs, get started on your path to wedding planning zen!

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