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Vanessa and Chad’s Intimate DIY Destination South African Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Bridechilla, Vanessa and Chad were married at the Chelaya Country Lodge in Somerset West, Cape Town, South Africa. They took on the rather daunting task of DIYing their wedding and in this Bridechilla Graduate post, Vanessa shares her best DIY Wedding tips and is very candid about the highs and lows of wedding planning andthe journey they undertook to ditch traditions and all of the extra ‘things’ that they thought they needed to plan a wedding and instead plan two week wedding celebration with 25 of their family and friends. 

Describe your event in 10 words or less.

​DIY-tastic, imperfect-perfection, FUN, heartfelt, OURS.

What was the theme/vibe/feels of your wedding?

Though Pinterest still tried to sneak its way in and lead me astray, we planned two weeks of adventures in South Africa (just because) for 25 friends and family.A week drinking wine and getting married near Cape Town and a week on safari in Kruger. We explored Cape Town together, we went wine-tasting, we went on safari and one sunny afternoon we got married in the garden of the cute old farmhouse we were all staying in! We had a 2pm ceremony, an afternoon picnic and an evening sit-down dinner.I have lived overseas my entire adult life, moving often, so missed the whole ‘wedding phase’ which actually turned out to be a blessing. I came into this with no preconceived ideas of what a wedding ‘should’ be. I soon realised, that aside from a couple of key legal sentences it would be whatever we wanted which was incredibly liberating!

What was your wedding budget?

We spent max $18,000 for international flights, one week in the Cape Winelands (not incl. the second week of safari), accommodation for all our guests and absolutely everything for the wedding. My point here is that you CAN do something amazing with a small(er) amount of money if you’re willing to think outside the box.

Our priorities were, not blowing a fuck ton of money, doing as much as we could ourselves so we felt like we created our own day rather than just rock up to someone else’s design, lots of good food and wine, a relaxed vibe and a real feeling of intimacy and love!

What did you learn from DIYing most of the day?

​Only get stuck into DIY if it’s something you enjoy and you’re doing it for personal satisfaction. I am very creative (not skilled, just enjoy!) and we did EVERYTHING ourselves and with the help of family and friends: my Mum made my dress, my FIL made our ring box, I made the cake, me and my girls did all the flowers, I made the boutonnieres (sea glass, a little nod to our lives as a scuba instructors), my husband made an entire tabletop for our picnic, we did our own picnic food, wrote our own playlists, made all our own stationary/signage, built a tepee etc. etc. etc. I had the luxury of time during this planning process: if you don’t, limit yourself to fewer projects or there’s every chance you’ll lose your mind

We learned that it was the ‘little things’ that our guests loved and appreciated the most: handmade cards with personalized ‘love letters’ to be read during the ceremony, love quote cards at each person’s place at dinner, hand painted welcome tote bags, home-made (elephant-shaped!) cookies. All the things that cost next to nothing! You don’t need to spend mega bucks to warm someone’s heart.

If DIY is not your thing, I still suggest finding just a couple of little things to tackle yourself/with your families to make the event your own. Nothing about our day was picture perfect/Pinterest-worthy but I am so proud of what we created together and it means the world to me that others got involved and did so much for us. My Mum put in literally a thousand hours researching and making my dress: that’s worth more than anything I could ever buy in the fanciest store!

 I surprised Chad with a love song I wrote for him and we wrote individual love letters for our guests on handmade cards which they opened during the ceremony.

Favorite part of your wedding day

Hands down, the ceremony. We both felt people forget about this part and, really, it’s the most important part of the whole event. We had every guest in tears. We wrote the entire thing ourselves. I surprised Chad with a love song I wrote for him and we wrote individual love letters for our guests on handmade cards which they opened during the ceremony.

And your second favorite part of your wedding day…

The Silent disco! SO. MUCH. FUN. If you have a small group and are not sure how the evening will progress – will they dance, will it be a party – SILENT DISCO is your friend! This was one of the best choices we made and it turned a very pleasant evening into an absolute BLAST! And a 4am blinder for many of our guests. It was a gamble, we had no idea what the vibe would be, come evening but as soon as one guest discovered it, that was it, everyone went crazy!

What was totally worth it?

​I put in so much time and energy but it was totally worth it to me as I am creative and found huge satisfaction in it. It’s actually leading me down a new career path as an elopement planner hopefully! Some of the simplest details like the love letters for guests were very much worth the effort, they were so appreciated. The multiple cake trials: worth it!

Photography: this was our relative ‘splurge’ and we’re so glad. We asked for lots of candids and they are our absolute favourites, not the posed ‘perfect’ ones. We also paid for a one hour shoot the day after at sunset. This was a fabulous time to get the amazing landscape shots we dreamed of: no hair, no makeup, just the wild ocean. We also took the opportunity to share our vows with each other a second time to really absorb them peacefully. And, my biggest advice for photography, wait for your photos and get them at a time when you and your spouse can sit and enjoy them together. We asked our photographer to wait ten weeks and to send them to us on a specific day when we knew we would be free together. By this stage, the madness had passed, we were back to ‘normal’ and looking through them and reliving everything was just beautiful. Fight the urge for instant gratification: it’s worth the wait!

What was not worth it?

My regrets! Making choices too soon and succumbing to Pinterest: I spent $200 on fucking robes very early on simply because ‘that’s what one does’. My girls aren’t the robe wearing sorts AT ALL.Fortunately, this was a one-off mistake and all future choices were made without the ‘help’ of Pinterest. My one real regret is not thinking to film the ceremony, at least on a GoPro. I didn’t want a videographer and am happy with that choice but some truly beautiful words were spoken at our ceremony – by our siblings and our parents – and I would love to hear them again and really absorb them.

Stay away from Pinterest, fancy wedding blogs etc. Nothing about your day ‘should’ be anything.

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

Everything. The best advice I heard on Bridechilla was to throw the whole damn wedding in, then pull out the parts you and your future spouse actually want. For us, a lot stayed in: speeches, formal dances, cutting of the cake (just eat the damn thing!), being ‘given away’ (we walked in together), matchy matchy expensive bridal party outfits (girls: short white dress, guys: grey pants, white shirt).

Do not do anything just so you can get a nice photo and show it off on Facebook! 

What advice do you have for other couples planning their weddings?

“Comparison is the thief of joy“. Stay away from Pinterest, fancy wedding blogs etc. Nothing about your day ‘should’ be anything.This is tough but I tried to have stern words with myself during the planning process and stay honest with myself: do not do anything just so you can get a nice photo and show it off on Facebook! That is your ego at work. If there wasn’t ever going to a photo of it, would you still do it? If the answer is no, STOP doing it and focus your energies elsewhere.

How did Bridechilla help you plan your wedding?

Saved my sanity, truly. I love remotely and was planning a destination wedding so I had a very limited support network. The Chillas were my virtual bridesmaids! And a phenomenal sounding board to figure out details and keep the Pinterest monsters at bay.

Which Bridechilla resources did you use when planning your wedding?

The Bridechilla Podcast, The Bridechilla Blog, Bridechilla Community on Facebook

Biggest lessons learned from wedding planning

If at all possible, extend the event to more than a few hours: a weekend or more if you can! For us, the day itself was magical but everything either side was just as special and allowed us to spend so much time with loved ones. It made the months and months of effort all seem worthwhile.

  • Small weddings are just as much work as bigger weddings! You still need to go through all the same stages of planning, you still need to find all the same vendors etc. However, the true beauty of a small wedding is on the day itself: you have time! Time to relax, time to chat to everyone, time to make memories, time to have fun. At no stage did my husband and I feel rushed or like time was passing by too quickly.
  • Put time and energy into your ceremony. It was our favourite part of the day, hands down. I smiled so much my face hurt and I have never felt so enveloped in love in my life! Don’t be scared to make it your own. We wrote it ourselves and had our siblings officiate. We walked down the ‘aisle’/garden path together as my BIL played guitar. We sat for the majority of the ceremony, standing just for our vows. We all had drinks before, during, and after! We had our parents share their marriage advice. And, my favourite part, I surprised my husband with a song I had written for him. We live on a small boat and work together 24/7 so I was so happy I could keep this one little thing a secret!
  • Fight the pressure for perfection! Easier said than done, I know. We all succumb to it. I worried about my skin, about my squint teeth, about my bazillion smile lines. It turns out I only wore one earring for about half the day, my hair was hanging messily around my face from dancing too hard! All those imperfections are staring back at me in the photos but, truly, all I see now is HAPPINESS! I’m NOT perfect, you’re not perfect and THAT’S OK coz we ARE all awesome!

Planning a destination Wedding- How did you connect with vendors?

If, like us, you are finding all your own vendors – especially from afar – absolutely trust your gut. For me, communication is key and if I didn’t immediately get the right vibe via e-mail it was a firm NO. I did a ton or research, reached out to so many people and ended up with the most incredible team. People we’d never met till the week before made our day more than we ever dreamed of.

I loved planning, absolutely thrived on it, and planned every last detail of our entire two-week event. I can’t lie: it was so much work. If it brings you pleasure like it did me, great! If it doesn’t, and it’s in your budget, hire a planner. The whole process of the wedding should be HAPPY, not just the day itself. It really saddens me how many Chillas are bogged down by problems, stress and drama. If you’re unhappy, it’s in your power to change it. I know it may not be easy, but you can do it.

For me, wedding planning was life-changing. It brought me huge pleasure, taught me new skills, revealed new passions. I have plans slowly formulating to start my own elopement company.

For those still planning, the very best advice I heard here… Throw the whole wedding in the Fuck It Bucket. The whole damn thing! Now, start pulling out the things you and your partner actually WANT!

HAPPY DAYS!

Vanessa and Chad’s Rockstar Vendors

Photographer: stellasassen.co.zaRentals: Goeters: www.baiegoeters.co.zaPrivate Chef: Flying Pan: www.flyingpan.co.zaSilent Disco: White Noise: www.whitenoise.co.za

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

Lessons from organising two weddings in two continents

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

My husband and I always knew that getting married will be a big project. Him being Australian, and me Croatian, we established early on that the only way to pull this off would be to have 2 full weddings – one in each country.  We just didn’t want anyone to miss out! We had set out to organise 6 events in total, all in September 2018 – each wedding would also have welcome drinks the day before, and recovery meal the day after. We had 9 months to plan all of this, all while working our very demanding jobs.

Yet, miraculously, we pulled it off, and had the best of times!  

Here are a few things we learned along the way, in a hope that it might help someone else.

1. Write down what is important at the start, and use it to make decisions

I was warned of a sheer number of decisions we will have to make. And I didn’t believe what I was told. You just pick a venue, a dress, a photographer, and you are pretty much there – right? Nope. Each one of the “big” decisions (e.g. which vendor) has another thousand smaller  decisions behind it. So how did we cope with all this decision-making? We wrote down what is important for us before starting any planning. Some of the things that were important to us were that every one of our guests feels included and comfortable. And then when making decisions, we asked ourselves “Does this really matter for the day we would like to create?” If it didn’t, we just picked the most convenient/cheapest option. If it did, we took the high road. This meant, for example, that in Croatia we had both the ceremony and all the speeches in both languages, just to make sure everyone can participate.

2. If organising additional events – either delegate or make fuss-free

Yes, we had six events. That sounds scary. But quite honestly, there was very minimal work involved with pre & post wedding events.

For our Croatian wedding, my parents threw welcome drinks for everyone in their backyard, and we booked a pizza place 100m from where most of the people were staying for recovery lunch the next day. In Australia, we booked a gorgeous Airbnb apartment with a pool to stay at, and invited everyone  around for BYO pool drinks. All we had to do was get some snacks from the supermarket, and book the café for recovery brunch the next day.

It was really important for us to spend plenty of time with our guests that travelled from near and far to celebrate with us. This way made it happen, with minimal effort.

3. You are a team, and each player has their strengths – play to them!

I love planning and organising, while my husband is great at making – both decisions and things with his hands. So we tried to play to our strengths, and divided our list of tasks accordingly. I did most of the planning, mapping out tasks, keeping us honest, and researching options. He, on the other hand, did a whole lot of making – he learned how to make our gorgeous rings, and also my bridal bouquet using combination of flowers from the markets and our backyard. We couldn’t stick to this plan for 100% of the time (sometimes one just needs to do what they don’t like), but we did where we could, and it made our planning process much more enjoyable. 

4. Think about little ones, but also trust that their parents know what they are doing

A lot of our friends have small children. In keeping with our wedding priorities, we gave parents the choice whether or not to bring them – we wanted them to be able to choose what is best for their family. This meant that at both weddings we had 10+ kids aged between 3 months and 4 years. To make it fun for them, and also keep them entertained, we made them little kiddie packs. These were simple bags with a few fun things – colouring books, soap bubble bottles, glow sticks. The kids loved them and got hours of fun out of them! One lesson learned however, was that we worried too much about how to accommodate logistics – e.g. where are kids going to sleep. We forgot that parents take care of those logistics every single day, and that they will work out what is best for their kid, without us needing to worry or plan.

5. Carefully incorporated traditions can make everything more fun and meaningful

Traditional Croatian weddings include numerous traditions. However, most modern couples decide to ditch those traditions for the sake of having a modern wedding, whatever that means to them. My husband rightfully pointed out to me that these traditions make Croatian weddings very unique and special. So we went through a long list of traditions, and picked the ones that we found fun and that worked for us. That is why we assigned someone to smash a plate before dinner, we made the best man look for the right bride to bring to the groom, and we toasted with the traditional drink of rakija. The ceremony, on the other hand, was very Australian, but it incorporated the Croatian tradition of a bridesmaid  presenting the bride her bouquet along with a little speech to say farewell to her bachelorette days.

In incorporating these, we were careful to bring our guests along to the journey. So we made sure that there was an explanation of what is going to happen, and why, so that they could all participate.

6. Go an extra mile to make it personal, but be selective about DIY

It is so easy to get carried away with all the gorgeous ideas one can find on pinterest. But if adding additional work (especially when it involves DIY), we tried to ask ourselves “Is this going to make it more us, or just a prettier picture?”. Pretty pictures are nice, but not really worth our precious time. And DIY is such a time investment! We did some of it – in addition to rings and bouquet, we made little ceremony booklets featuring Our Story, and tables named after the favourite places we travelled together. Involving our talented friends also made the whole experience much more meaningful and personal for us and (we hope) for them. We had a friend play out ceremony songs, another one make our wedding cake topper, our friend was our celebrant in Croatia and the groom’s brother our photographer in Australia. Involving them brought us so much joy!

7. Having two weddings? That is two chances to get it right!

While the remainder of the advice can be applied to any wedding, this one really just works if you have two of them. having two weddings really takes the pressure off, because the chances are you’ll get it right at least once. So we reused what we could (our outfits, guestbook, ceremony songs, first dance) and mixed and matched the rest. We had a cake in Croatia, and a dessert table in Australia. I wore the same dress, but had different hair style and accessories to make it interesting. We had a professional photographer and videographer in Croatia (where it is much more affordable), but not in Australia. You get the point – if you are doing the whole (or part of the) thing twice, take advantage of the freedom that gives you

Happy days!

Mateja (and Jason)

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352- Big Wedding, Small Budget- Bridechilla Claire

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

This episode of Bridechilla is full of some great wedding ideas on a budget. What is the appropriate amount of money to spend on a wedding? How can you have the wedding of your dreams without going completely bankrupt? The good news is, you don’t have to break the bank to have a fantastic wedding. But you do have to make a plan and stick to it. On today’s Bridechilla podcast, you’ll hear from Bridechilla Claire who planned a wedding for 400 people for only $15,000. She shares some tips and tricks for saving money and offers encouragement for how you can have a great wedding even on a limited budget.

Listen to episode 352 of Bridechilla

Sticker shock is a huge thing. I know a lot of us start wedding planning and have a complete meltdown when you realize how much stuff actually costs or how much people are willing to pay for things.

How big of a budget do you need for your wedding?

There is no universal budget for a wedding. The cost often depends on the location in which you live and the individual circumstances related to your wedding. So how do you go about setting a budget. And how can you avoid the dreaded sticker shock of planning a wedding? Having a budget doesn’t mean your cheap. It just means you are choosing to focus on what is most important to you. Your budget should be guided by your priorities. Once you’ve established what is non negotiable, then you can determine how to best allocate your money. Hear more tips for how to sidestep sticker shock on this week’s podcast.

Photo by Sladjana Karvounis

Decide what matters most

Bridechilla Claire is an inspiration. She reminds us that you don’t have to spend tons of money to have a great time planning your wedding. The key is to be flexible and creative. Claire and her fiance decided that one non negotiable for them was the people. Having 400 guests is no small party. But rather than sacrifice and have to cut the guest list, they decided to compromise on other details that weren’t as important to them. There are so many details that seem important, but the go virtually unnoticed by most people who come to the wedding. Skip those details and focus on what really matters. Listen as Claire share more wedding ideas on a budget during this episode.

It’s time to be a satisficer

Claire warns against the dangers of trying to maximize every decision. There are going to be some plans that fall through. There are also going to be some things that you want that you may have to cut in order to stay on budget. If your priorities are already set, then you’ll be able to handle those kinds of situations in stride. Claire also introduces a term in this episode that is helpful when making the many decisions that come with planning a wedding. She encourages others to be a satisficer. Listen to this episode to hear exactly what that means and how you can become one.

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor

Cute and creative wedding ideas on a budget

Weddings are all about the people and the place. The greatest cost will be feeding the people and providing the place for all of them to gather. It might be helpful to consider function over form when it comes to the wedding venue. You don’t have to rent the most expensive venue in order to accommodate your guests. Find a budget friendly venue and use your creativity to make it more appealing. There are also creative ways to provide food for the wedding. Claire shares how a Costco membership made a huge difference in the way she is going to feed her guest. Listen to this episode of the Bridechilla podcast for more cute and creative wedding ideas on a budget.

Photo by rawpixel 

Listen to episode 352 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [2:21] This episode is a call back to a previous episode with Bridechilla episode related to wedding budget.

  • [6:29] Introduction of Bridechilla Claire, who organized a wedding for 400 people for only $15,000.

  • [10:51] The details of how Claire is pulling off planning her wedding with such a strict budget.

  • [12:15] Being flexible and creative, avoiding the trap of trying to maximize every decision by focusing on what is most important.  

  • [18:00] The biggest expenditures for a wedding are the people and the venue

  • [26:44] Claire talks about how investing in a Costco membership helped with essentials for the wedding

  • [28:18] Lean on your community to help with decorations and set up for the wedding

  • [32:50] Find a way to make things special and spend quality time with those closest to you.

Memorable Quotes

  • “Sticker shock is a huge thing. I know a lot of us start wedding planning and have a complete meltdown when you realize how much stuff actually costs or how much people are willing to pay for things.”

  • “You can have a fun, nice wedding and it not cost you a total arm and a leg.”

  • “Be a satisficer. Don’t try to maximize every decision.”

  • “Weddings are about people, places and things, according to kindergarten.”

  • “It’s all about flexibility and it’s all about saying no to the idea that we have to do things a certain way.“

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Bridechilla Claire left a voicemail explaining how she planned her wedding for 400 people and only spent $15,000. Throughout the episode she shares some of the tips and tricks that she’s discovered while planning her own wedding. From utilizing a free venue, to leveraging a Costco membership, Claire has a ton of great input for wedding ideas on a budget.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

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346-4 Toxic relationship killers and how to avoid them

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Wedding planning is such a happy time. You are celebrating your love with family and friends through a special, meaningful ceremony. However, your wedding day is just the beginning. It’s a one time event, while a marriage lasts for a lifetime. So how can you set your marriage up for success? On today’s Bridechilla podcast, guest Kristen Rocco, founder of Love Notery, joins Aleisha to discuss keeping your marriage strong before it starts by avoiding toxic relationship killers. Listen to this episode to hear some great advice for how to have a successful, long lasting marriage.

Listen to episode 364 of Bridechilla

Changing your marriage mindset

Marriage takes work. Just like practicing a sport or talent, you have to work on your marriage to make it better. Only through mutual investment will your marriage get stronger. Especially early in marriage, there are a lot of potential stressors that can impact the marriage. There are also habits and patterns that can develop which can be harmful to long term harmony. During this episode, Kristen Rocco shares her mission of helping people with their marriage mindset. She shares stories and advice from her research and experience that can benefit anyone hoping to have a happy, long-lasting marriage.  

4 toxic relationship behaviors

According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman institute, there are four toxic relationship behaviors that, if they exist in a marriage, can predict divorce 90% of the time. While that may seem daunting, the good news is you can take steps before your marriage even starts to sidestep these behaviors. Having a healthy marriage isn’t an unattainable dream. It can be a reality for you and your partner. During this episode, Kristen talks about all 4 behaviors, the ways in which they can negatively impact your relationship, and what steps to take to counteract these destructive tendencies.

How to stop the damage before it starts

Each of the four behaviors that Kristen discusses with Aleisha in this episode can have adverse effects on your relationship with your partner. She talks about criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and how each one presents particular issues that, left unaddressed, can cause long-lasting damage. Reframing how you communicate with your spouse and working toward quick resolution is important. Using examples from her own marriage and experience, Kristen gives advice for how to spot those behaviors and cut them off before they become habit. Hear more during this great interview.

Keys to keeping your marriage strong before it starts

Even though you may not even be married yet, it is a good idea to begin thinking about the four toxic behaviors before they start. It is important to know your tendencies and address them. Everyone brings their own experience, expectations and baggage into the marriage. And they don’t just go away once you are married. In fact, they most often will be amplified. However, you and your partner can start off on the right foot. Listen to the keys Kristen gives during this episode and apply them so that you can keep your marriage strong before it starts.

Show Highlights

  • [0:39] Introduction of Kristen Rocco, founder of Love Notery.
  • [3:43] The potential for conflict in the first few years of marriage and the importance of learning to deal with it.
  • [5:57] Kristen explains how she started the new journey working on the marriage mindset
  • [10:14] There are four toxic behaviors that can derail a relationship.  
  • [18:40] Kristen talks about whether or not her marriage is on the path she thought it would be.
  • [21:52] The antithesis of respect and how it can damage a relationship
  • [27:54] Defeating defensiveness by taking responsibility for your actions
  • [31:23] Shutting down a crucial conversation through stonewalling

Memorable Quotes

  • “Up to the first three years, that’s where you are most likely to have conflict, and that conflict that actually causes really big problems in your relationship. So those early years of marriage are critical to being happy and successful in the long term.”
  • “The key to the real housewives is them not doing what we’ve just spoken about and it’s always remembering, always having the receipts, and always bring it up at the reunion and never letting anyone forget.”
  • “When you have that mutual respect for each other, your relationship is set up for success.”
  • “Holding onto stuff is not good. It’s not healthy.”
  • “We’re not just here for the ONE day. We are really here for a happy marriage.”

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Kristen Rocco is the founder of Love Notery, a company that seeks to personalize the wedding planning process more personal. Kristen found that she could use her writing and storytelling skills to write love stories for couples. Her goal is to bring their love story into their wedding day to share with family and friends. Her writing serves to preserve that story for years to come. She also coaches people how to write their own wedding vows through Love Notery. She is now working on helping couples start their marriages off right through The Marriage Mindset. 

Listen to episode 364 of Bridechilla

Thanks to Our Bridechilla Partners

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Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

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Kasey + Michael’s Emotional Nature Inspired Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Bridechilla Graduate, Kasey, shares her deeply personal, emotional AF, woodland & nature inspired wedding to Michael at Long Island’s Fox Hollow.

Tell us a little about yourselves!

The moment I saw Mike, I knew I was in trouble.I did everything I could to avoid liking him. Until I did. Then I did everything to avoid loving him…that happened too.Mike and I met through my Alpha Chi Omega sister/roommate. She will tell you that she met him freshman year in the laundry room, but won’t tell me what he was wearing (or not wearing) when that happened.Mike crept into my life by loaning us his 52″ flat screen TV for a year. He claimed he didn’t want his roommates using it more than him, and as long as he could come over to watch it every once in a while, we could keep it in our room.I was completely naive and unassuming of his true intentions.Mike’s class schedule went up on the wall with the rest of my roommates and he came over often. He even starred in a video project of mine.I went away on Spring Break my Senior Year, and debated taking Mike to formal as my date. We had flirted enough that I felt he was interested, but was unsure if I was ready to be so forward about my feelings. I decided I wouldn’t take him.When I returned to my dorm room, there were 2 dozen roses waiting at my door from him with a “I hope you had a nice trip, I missed you” card.[Insert part where I told Mike that “WAS A NICE GESTURE” but that I didn’t know where our thing was going.]I ended up taking him to formal.Later Mike went out to dinner with his Aunt and Uncle who were visiting town. He came back to school and in my room, told me he couldn’t stop talking about me all night, and wondered if I would like to be his girlfriend, officially.I agreed and we finished out the semester, graduated together, and moved back to NY.In April 2014, after living together for 2 years and purchasing our first home on Long Island, Mike took two days off, claiming he needed a break from his crazy work schedule. I thought nothing of it. I told Mike when it came time that he wanted to propose, I wanted to know nothing about it. But when I came home after his first day off, he couldn’t contain his excitement that he had wanted to go into the city (Manhattan) to look at rings, but lost the courage at the last minute.The next day, I came home to an exasperated Mike who claimed I had just beat him home because he had been in the city all day…I did not marry a man of mystery. I played dumb and he told me he had stopped to see his sister while he was there and did look at rings, when I stopped him and said I didn’t want to hear anymore. Mike and I share everything with each other and I could tell this was killing him.I was extremely anxious about Mike proposing. Like any girl, I wanted a full blown youtube worthy proposal where secret photographers caught the very moment he went down on one knee and my jaw dropped. But I told Mike my only stipulation was that it was not at a restaurant.Mike would pitch random ideas at me over the next few weeks. “Lets take a walk” he would say, and me, being very keen to his lack of subtlety, said, no.It came down to one night when I was sitting on the couch when I confessed my anxiety surrounding the big commitment in marriage. I came from a home where no marriage had lasted, and it was the last thing I wanted to get wrapped up in. Mike had reassured me in the way that only he can. I told him that when he was ready and thought the time was right, I would listen.He said “I’ll be right back” and ran downstairs.My heart started pounding.He returned and began to confess that he knew I wanted a big romantic gesture and that he really wanted to give that to me but just couldn’t wait any longer and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He got down on one knee, said my name, and asked me to marry him.And well, I guess you know what my answer was.Together we love to go zip-lining and do ropes courses (even though we’re both terrified of heights), visit amusement parks and haunted houses. Mike loves to bowl, Kasey doesn’t–but goes anyway. We’re HUGE foodies, obsessed with our corgis and genuinely just love being together as much as possible.

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Tell us about your wedding!

Because I own a design studio, my wedding aesthetic had to be epic. Probably the most common comment I get from people is, “I can only imagine what your invitations looked like.” After all, the expectations of my guests (and truthfully from myself) were so high, I knew I had to blow it out of the water.I know so many facets of print methods. I had to decide which would be right for my suite. Letterpress? Foil? Laser cut? Metal? I considered all the options.Wood? Wood. Reverse engraved wood, because you know, standard engraved was “too common….::eye roll::”My invites came together just as my best designs do. Me playing around in illustrator with different shapes and elements.I love texture. I love fine detail. I love the smallest personalization to make every last element your very own.I found some beautiful line work in the pumpkin and leaf skeleton silhouettes. I blew our names up to anchor the design. I clipped the corners to make it a unique shape. Every text element had to be anchored somehow in a nonconventional shape. Bark, branches, stumps, it was all setting the tone for my “raw element” feel. I hand gilded every invite to add a metallic shine to our names. I sketched our foxes in pencil, which would blow up into our wedding logo and be on everything from hotel door hangers to ice scuptures.the process came together piece by piece. The maps of long island showing our hometowns and location of events. The plum envelopes to bring my bridesmaid dress color into the theme. Hand embossed foil seals. Stacking my inserts in copper laser cut pockets on the reverse of the wood. The kraft mailers to protect my fragile cedar from the wrath of USPS. The vintage fox stamps from 1987. The copper foil tape to hold the structure together and add more metal to the suite. The RSVPS with watercolor paintings of our church on the front, and fun interactivity on the reverse to keep it lighthearted.Funnily enough, my invitations went out late because I *needed* hand calligraphy. RSVP postcards got lost in the mail. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t beaming with pride with the result. “They even smell good!” “LOVE this” “Best invitation ever.” I had wrapped up my invitation into a package of love for every person it was extended to. It set the tone for our event.the invitation process took about 4-6 months from the original ideas. I love the way they came out, they’re still my favorite suite to date. I am hoarding every last extra invite I have. I am framing one with my bouquet flowers.I obsessed over every detail. But that’s nothing new. I spray painted 100 fresh pumpkins to place on each plate. I created custom stickers with our fox logo to go on phone power banks in case people’s phones died. I needed ALL the pictures and created a scavenger hunt for my guests. I did every possible day of decor item you could imagine, a seating chart, custom programs, dinner menus, bar signs, social media signs, memory tables, cocktail hour items, welcome baskets with local things to do (full of token long island items like Tate’s cookies!), a custom card for my groom on the morning of, cake topper–it was all cohesive with the aesthetic I created for the two of us. We even got our foxes tattooed on us after the wedding. Throughout my planning process I knew I wanted to encompassing us in our day, and amp people up in the process.And hey, now my guests have something to cut vegetables on. 

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What was totally worth it?

Every single cent I thought was a waste of money before I planned a wedding was 110% worth it. I went over budget on things like stationery (duh) music, and food because I wanted to have an epic party and shatter everyone’s expectations of a wedding. Considering I’m still getting glowing reviews, I’d say we crushed it.Our first look was a point of contention. I had always dreamt of my groom crying as I walked down the aisle and he saw me for the first time. But time became an issue as we got married in late fall and Daylight Savings meant that if we didn’t do a first look, all of our wedding photos would have to be indoors, or in the night as our reception went on without us. I “caved” and did a first look and I can tell you it was probably the single best thing I did for myself on my wedding day (besides actually getting married of course). When I saw my best friend before we got started with family pictures, I was instantly relieved and excited to get married. We rode to the church together and then I hid in a broom closet (I didn’t want late arriving guests to see me) buzzing to get out there and do this thing.

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What was not worth it?

Trying to DIY. I ended up being stressed to the max and the sole point person on the morning of the wedding. I didn’t get to enjoy a lot of my engagement because of the stress I put on myself. I’d have done anything to have had a coordinator or someone helping greet all the vendors and receive things like flower deliveries while I actually got ready.

What did you throw in the Fuck-it Bucket?

As we got closer, things that seemed really important to me to perfect just needed to get done. I was going to do favors beyond the pumpkins and I honestly just ran out of time.

What advice do you have for other engaged couples?

Use your resources. Wedding expos or showcases are typically just a grab for your email address–make a dummy account just for the wedding for your sanity. If you don’t have help planning, hire someone. There is no shame in admitting that you have no idea what you’re doing and having a professional do their thing. The time and stress you’ll save offsets the cost.

Bridechilla is all about being yourself and not letting the opinions of other’s influence you. This mindset was a lifesaver to plan the wedding of my dreams and have no regrets. Opinions will die down after the wedding, but your memory of your wedding day will stay with you forever!

Kasey + Michael’s Rockstar Vendors

Bridechilla Directory Members

Design & Stationery: revelry + heart

Other Vendors

Photographer: Deb + MattDJ: Barattini productionsFlorist: Wick’s FloristVideo: Joseph MinasiTrolley: M&V LimosinesMen’s Attire: BonaventureGown: Frew’s Bridal, designed by Sophia TolliMakeup Artist: Makeup by Jessie LaSerraBridesmaids Dresses: WTOOVenue/Caterer: Fox HollowCeremony Venue/Officiant: Community Church of East WillistonDaiquiri Station: Daiquiri DaddyPhotobooth: ISH PhotoboothsAlterations: Zizi Nasir

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