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Bridechilla Wedding Planning

Helping You Ditch Wedding Stress And Plan The Wedding You Want

Tag:

Bridesmaid

Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

How to Tell Someone They’re Not In Your Bridal Party

by Kealia Reynolds June 7, 2019
written by Kealia Reynolds

If you thought picking a wedding venue was difficult, just wait until you’re deciding who to include in your bridal party. Before I got engaged, I thought I was going to have the hardest time just finding friends and family to include. I was in a variety of friend groups in college, so I never really had a core of super knit friends that most people seem to have. However, once my fiancé popped the question, I felt myself struggling to narrow down my party to eight. Unfortunately, I had to have hard conversations with a few people and tell them they weren’t going to be able to be in my bridal party. Here are a few tips to help you if you need to have a similar conversation.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

1. Be honest

If you’re having a small bridal party, or no bridesmaids at all, the fact of the matter is that you just won’t be able to have everyone you love as a bridesmaid. When communicating this to your friend or family member, be honest. If you’re only having four bridesmaids, and all of your sisters are going to fill that role, your friend won’t be able to make the cut. I would avoid saying, “Hey, we’re not that close, so I don’t want you to be a bridesmaid.” Even if that may be true, simply being honest about having a set number of bridesmaids works a lot better.

2. Deliver the message in their preferred form of communication

If your friend or family member matters to you, try to have this conversation in person. I thought one of the friends I was telling preferred to communicate over text, but as we were having the conversation, I could tell she would’ve preferred if I had talked to her about everything in person. Even though the conversation may be uncomfortable, your friend deserves that respect.

Bride with a bridesmaid

Photo by Samantha Gades

Listen to the episode 347 of Bridechilla- How to be a Maidchilla

3. Invite her to other bridal events

If you truly wanted your friend to be in your bridal party but didn’t have the room to fit her in, ask her if she’d want to participate in another role at your wedding. For example, you could ask her to read scripture, pass out programs, help seat people, or even play music during the ceremony. You could also invite her to other important bridal events, like the shower and bachelorette party. Whatever you do, don’t extend a pity invite and make them a third-wheel at all of your events—this could just drive a wedge between you two and lead to extremely hurt feelings.

4. Listen to your friend

It’s no surprise that your friend might be incredibly hurt by the situation. That’s OK and totally expected. Instead of engaging in a heated discussion, bite your tongue and listen to her express her frustrations or hurt. If things do start to get heated, give yourselves a time-out and try to revisit the conversation at a later time.

Couple getting married wedding ceremony

Photo by Kendra Allen

5. Tell them early

The second you get engaged, your friend may automatically think she’s a bridesmaid. The longer you put it off, the more hurt and confusion it could cause in the future. Talk to your friend as early as possible to prevent them from having to find out from social media or another medium that they aren’t actually going to be in the wedding.

Hopefully, you won’t have this problem when trying to narrow down your wedding party, but if you do, stick to these tips and you’ll be able to gracefully let your friend down easy.

friends laughing together

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Kealia Reynolds is a Bridechilla and a house writer at House Method

Show image by Daiga Ellaby 

June 7, 2019
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Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

324 – Bridechilla Q&A- Bridal Party Dramas

by Aleisha June 11, 2018
written by Aleisha

I am delighted to welcome a special co-host to join me to answer you Bridechilla wedding planning questions, Bridechilla Directory member, wedding planner and podcaster, Cindy Savage from, an Aisle Less Travelled. We talk the values of the metric system, sewing and of course answer your wedding planning questions which this episode are all based on bridal party drama and managing expectations.

Listen to Episode 324 of Bridechilla 

Stop comparing your wedding to others

Our first wedding planning question comes from an anonymous Bridechilla who is torn about between asking a close friend to be her maid of honor as she is also planning her wedding and in doing so is being far more meticulous and traditional.
Our anonymous Bridechilla is concerned about how her potential MOH will react to her more casual approach to wedding planning and doesn’t want to get into a competitive situation, as their weddings are quite close to each other’s. How do you find away to accept each other's different approaches to planning the day and also manage expectations from the get-go? 

Comparison is the thief of joy 

It can be hard to sometimes remember this wonderful quote when we have our heads in the game but I think the sooner we can step back from the idea that wedding planning has become a competitive sport,  the sooner many of us will feel relief and freedom to just do what makes us happy. Our advice for our wonderful anonymous Bridechilla is to be open and clear about what she needs and wants from her friends involvement. Talking about their differing viewpoints, especially  if she is worried that her friend is possibly going to come in and try and change things or comment in a way that makes you unhappy.

Bridesmaid drama

Photo by Tamara Menzi

Dodging Family Conflict

Bridechilla Kelly is conflicted. She isn't close with her sister and has decided to ask a close friend to be her maid of honor. She is having no other bridal party. Upon discovering this, her sister flipped out and Kelly is now very conflicted between letting her sister down and doing what she really wants and that is having her friend be her maid of honor. 

I am sure we all have relationships within our family unit that aren't as strong as other's or that exists in a delicate ecosystem of emotions. It can often be extremely challenging to push back and not go the way that is expected of you...for Kelly that might be just relenting and giving here sister a place in her wedding but I see wedding planning as not only a place to plan an event and create your own traditions, it can be a place to step up and follow what you want to do without the pressure to conform to pressure from family and friends to 'do the right thing'.

Meet Bridechilla Guest- Cindy Savage

Image by Pinxit Photo

I’m Cindy Savage, your queer feminist wedding anti-status-quo planner. I help independent, feminist, and LGBTQ people like you plan meaningful weddings while keeping your sanity and your budget intact.

I offer a full range of wedding planning and coordination services, from hourly consultation to wedding day management to planning subscriptions to complete wedding planning and event design. So no matter what your needs or budget are, if we’re the right fit, I can help you create the wedding that is right for YOU! (And don’t worry – we’ll be lowering the stress and increasing the fun while we’re at it.) 

I’m based in St. Louis, Missouri and Portland, Oregon, and travel is included within the continental United States – so we can work together no matter where you are.

I happen to be really good at planning big parties and at helping you sort out what’s important to you – so that your wedding is the YOU-est wedding there ever could be. 

Oh yeah, and I’m also great at reducing your wedding planning stress so you can chill the f*ck out!

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Demetrius Washington 

June 11, 2018
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Bridechilla Blog

10 White Lies Bridesmaids Tell You…Because they are nice.

by Aleisha April 22, 2017
written by Aleisha

On the Bridechilla Podcast, I've talked a BUNCH about Bridesmaids, their role, how to communicate with them and make sure that your friendship flourishes not flounders during your wedding planning. (I've even confessed my previous experience as a moderately awful bridesmaid). 
Your bridesmaids are your A-Team. The Ms T's to the grey head bloke with the cigar… they’re your close friends who know that they can be honest and open with you but also know when to pop a cork in it to prevent hurt feelings, tantrums and being socially outcast. So here’s a list of the top ten white lies that bridesmaids may tell...because they are nice. 

1. I really, really love the bridesmaid dress you chose. Off the shoulder, corset ruffles…I will definitely wear it again. Definitely.

If I say ‘really’ and ‘definitely’ a LOT then maybe it will sound convincing that post wedding the dress will not be permanently residing in the far reaches of my closet next to my $79 GOOP yoga mat and trainers that were guaranteed to make my bum look like Kim K’s and will require double spanks to not make me look like I’ve just given birth. Please consider following the non-matchy matchy- pick a dress that we can perhaps wear again trend, or at least something that won't be used in a 'most humiliating clothing experiences of my life montage.  

2. Sure, attending a weekend workshop/dance class to learn choreography for your elaborate bridesmaids/groomsman opening aisle walk sounds fun!

Lady Gaga may have told us to just dance but she isn’t doing the running man in stilettos with a groomsman sidekick, who suffers from an underdeveloped sense of rhythm.
Did I mention that I was wearing double spanks?! Please....please stop this. 

3. I love talking about your wedding!

I actually really do but before we talk about the traitors who haven’t returned their RSVPs in the allotted time, please, I beg of you.... allow me to unload about annoying Meg from work who although appears meek, is, in fact, a tyrannical, psychopathic overlord who is running my life.
I respect my bridesmaids responsibilities and all that comes with the role but I also need you as a friend as well as a bride-to-be, you get me and I have things going on in my life too…mainly plotting to dethrone Meg.
I think I actually hate her.

5. I will hold your dress up while you pee.

SRSY is that actually a thing? I thought it was just in the movies?
Just hitch it up.
Or hold on.
Surely, the dress isn't so big that it prevents you visiting the bathroom solo?
I’m going to ban liquids on the morning of your wedding or we can go shopping and find a dress that allows you to perform normal bodily functions without an escort.

6. Of course, I won’t sleep with the single and stunningly handsome groomsman

Hey!
Two years ago would have totally jumped him. You’re getting hitched. It’s your day but it could be my night. Plus, he may turn out to be my future husband!
Think of how awesome it could be for us if it all works out OR imagine the fun we'll have coordinating avoidance tactics at social functions for the next 53 years. 

7. 6 am pre-wedding bridal party barre fitness classes! Yes, please!

PLEASE No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the most hungover, sleep deprived, dedicated bridesmaid of them all? ME. No one should be putting their legs in these positions at this time of morning….ever but I will because you are my mate, who wants rock hard wedding buttocks.

8. You don’t want me to cut my hair for 11 months because you’ve always dreamed of having bridesmaids with beefy chignons!? Of course!

DON'T. PUSH. ME. CAUSE.I'M. CLOSE. TO. THE. EDGE.
And even closer to getting 'Spite bangs'
Just buy me a wig. Seriously.

9. Of course, I’ll  visit 36 bridal salons every saturday until you find ‘the one’.

For you anything, my friend but if there is complimentary champs, I’m drinking it and I can’t promise to remember the specific details of ‘that cream lace gown with the plunging back from store #26’ but I will nod as if I do.
I will be calm, honest and bounce with joy when you find 'the one'. 

10. You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I love you to LA and back.

You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I will be there and you'll be there for me when I go through it all! 

Listen and subscribe to The Bridechilla Podcast via iTunes | Stitcher |
Download the Bridechilla app via IOS | Google Play

April 22, 2017
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Bridechilla Podcast

263- Weddings: Who pays for what?

by Aleisha April 10, 2017
written by Aleisha

Talking about money is not always easy- in any facet of our lives.
Most of us aren’t raised to speak openly about what we are spending our money on and how much we earn and it can be hard to ask friends and family to contribute financially to things and talk openly about cash.

Listen to the Episode below

So, when it comes to weddings, there is so much to pay for (SO MUCH) and it can often be difficult to figure out who is responsible for paying for what.

From splitting costs with parents to Bridesmaids and Groomsman’s attire, often the hardest conversations you will have in your planning adventures figuring out how to talk about the expense of it all.

If you can conquer your budget and the money talk, I guarantee your wedding planning will be 100% easier.

https://www.thebridechilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/EP-263-Video.mp4

Knowing where you stand, who is paying for what and how it is all going to play out will leave you so much calmer and prepared and far outweigh the temporary awkwardness, some of us feel about speaking about money.

Join Plan the Day and Save

Today I am joined by my lovely friend Cristina from Plantheday.com who joins me to co-host the show and shares her insight and experience on this subject. Cristina is offering a fabulous 50% off plantheday.com use the codeword- Bridechilla!

Download The Bridechilla App on IOS & ANDROID and
use the Codeword KOALA to save 25%

April 10, 2017
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Bridechilla Podcast

256- Bridechilla Podcast- Q&A Monday

by Aleisha February 20, 2017
written by Aleisha

The one thing we can’t do, as much as it would be helpful (but perhaps a tad totalitarian and evil) is control other people and how they feel and act. A lot of questions that we receive on the Bridechilla Podcast are about how other people are reacting and communicating during YOUR wedding planning…how their behaviour is making your life unnecessarily stressful. We feel obligation and pressure to make choices that don’t fit with our plans or ‘dreams’.
It can be hard.
Today on the podcast, Bridechilla Geneva is having trouble with her in-laws who appear to be confused about how they feel about the wedding all together- how long should Geneva and her partner put up with flakiness for and how should they communicate their disappointment to really make sure her in-laws understand how much their actions are troubling them?
Bridechilla Brittney is having trouble with an unlucky in love Bridesmaid who seems to be acting out, perhaps deflecting feelings about her own relationship issues and instead taking away from Brittney’s celebrations.After giving her parents and in-laws a 50 people cap on their guest list, Bridechilla Aleigha is finding herself deep in guest list dramas- oh and also her Dad has a new girlfriend, who he’s like to bring as a date to the wedding! FUN.
Lastly Bridechilla Taleen wants some advice about asking for cash as a wedding gift. Can you do it in a polite way?

Listen to the episode below

February 20, 2017
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Bridechilla Podcast

241- Bridechilla Wedding Planning Q&A

by Aleisha December 22, 2016
written by Aleisha

Listen to the epiosde

I LOVE Bridechilla Q&A Thursday, it's when the straight wedding talk hits it's peak and today you bring it with the questions and I bring it with the answers. ?

Bridechilla Amy from Calgary and her fiancé have been together for 5 years. Amy proposed to her boyfriend 6 months ago but now she's asking for our advice about how to motivate her fiancé to be interested and involved in the actual planning.

Bridechilla Halley shares an update on a previous question that she shared on Bridechilla Q&A about wedding photography on a budget.
Bridechilla Tatiana is dealing with grumpy vendors who have email response tude.
How does she get them to up their game? Should she call them on it or just move on?

Bridechilla Heather and her fiancé have had great success with pre-marital counselling and the book, the 5 Languages of Love. Heather would also like our help with some advice about renting a photobooth or DIY-ing photobooth.

December 22, 2016
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Bridechilla Podcast

141- Confessions of an awful bridesmaid

by Aleisha March 7, 2016
written by Aleisha

What I would call a helpful and super honest episode today, featuring confessions from a failed bridesmaid…me!

I interview my bestie Nicole about not being a bridesmaid at her wedding… well being asked to be a bridesmaid and an MC and having to choose….long story!

It’s a episode about perspective, hindsight and how friendships recover and thrive from their history. It’s a must listen to all who have friends and who are including their friends in their wedding…I’m guessing that is most of you!

I love being able to share this story with you and have some giggles along the way!

(above) Nicole and I on my wedding day and (right) the super fabulous cook book that was gifted to me (designed by Nicole and her very clever husband Mikey) featuring all of our favourite recipes!
I LOVE IT SO MUCH! 

March 7, 2016
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Bridechilla Podcast

135- Call Your Girlfriend; Long distance friendship with Aminatou Sow

by Aleisha February 15, 2016
written by Aleisha

A total pleasure to share some podcast airtime with my new long distance friend and super co-host of the very fabulous podcast Call Your Girlfriend... http://callyourgirlfriend.com/, Aminatou Sow.
Aminatou has been a bridesmaid over TEN TIMES.
Word.
In this episode we discuss everything from valuing and maintaining long distance (and local) friendships, the importance of the word ‘no’ when it comes to your bridesmaids, bad gifting and Aleisha’s shocking admission of Real Housewives bias….seriously.
SO much fun.
SO moreish.

Call Your Girlfriend is a podcast for all the long-distance besties out there. Every other week, Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow discuss ‘Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the beauty of caftans, menstruation news, Kimye, Pitbull, Hillary Rodham Clinton, casual racism, emoji, straight people, California, rom-coms, Lorde lipstick, and so much more’. I LOVE IT SO!
All that and a lot, lot more on the Bridechilla Wedding Podcast, the #1 wedding planning podcast!

February 15, 2016
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Bridechilla Podcast

Creating your Wedding Day Timeline Part 1

by Aleisha August 24, 2015
written by Aleisha

In episode 85 of the wedding podcast, the first of a two part series I share the secrets to creating an easy to follow wedding day timeline, to being organised and most importantly, ditching the bridezilla and becoming a Bridechilla!
Inspired by a listener question, these episodes are must listens if you are scheduling your big day (that’s everyone).
Even if you are working with a wedding planner, it can be stressful working out timings and fitting all of the celebrations and preparations into just one day!
All that and a lot, lot more on the Bridechilla Wedding Podcast, the #1 wedding planning podcast!

August 24, 2015
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Bridechilla Podcast

Wedding Q&A- Pre-loved Wedding Dresses and ‘feelings’

by Aleisha August 20, 2015
written by Aleisha

In episode 84 of The Bridechilla Podcast, it’s a full episode of wedding Q&A, where I answer your wedding related questions about…
How to be ‘feelings aware’ and avoid bad vibes, when it comes to leaving friends off your bridesmaid list but NOT feel obliged to ask everyone you’ve ever met to be a part of the A team!
I also talk about the best places to find high end, super schmick, pre-owned wedding dresses and accessories…which is a fantastic option if your budget can’t stretch to a gazillion $ but you still want that Vera Wang or Pronovias gown.
All that and a lot more on the Bridechilla Wedding Podcast, the #1 wedding planning podcast!

August 20, 2015
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Hi, I’m Aleisha

Hi, I’m Aleisha

Founder of Bridechilla

I created The Bridechilla Podcast, Guides and Facebook Community to empower you to plan an awesome wedding day and put all of the wedstress and obligation straight in the Fuck It Bucket!
With 350+ episodes of Bridechilla, 3 Guides and hundreds of blogs, get started on your path to wedding planning zen!

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