Hi Aleisha! Thank you so much for your fabulous podcast! I started listening a few months before my wedding, and I got some really excellent advice (and lots of laughs!). It was nice to be reminded that it was okay to focus on just what my partner and I were looking for from the day, and not worry so much about what everyone else thought.
Now that I’m about a month past our wedding, I am still listening to the podcast and loving it. But I’m finding myself in a bit of a funk … the post-wedding blues, you might call it. I was wondering if you or your wise guests or other listeners might have some advice on how to get over this hump. We were on such a high on the days leading up to the wedding, and the wedding day itself was full of so much love and support. I would love to be surrounded by that feeling every day, and it’s a bit of a let down now that it’s all over.
Love from Colorado, Catherine
Catherine’s message really rang true to me because I too suffered from post wedding blues. Sure, there were lots of things that I did enjoy once the wedding planning was gone… such as being able to visit a shop and actually purchase a piece of clothing without feeling a twinge of guilt because we were saving money for the wedding but I missed the anticipation. As a natural-born organiser I also used to really enjoy the arranging and spreadsheets part of the process. I had lots of special folders and systems in place… Many people’s nightmare! Planning the wedding really gave me purpose in that part of my life and it took a couple of weeks post-wedding to realise I’ve never to plan anything any more. Of course I then went and wrote another comedy Festival show so that gave me plenty of things to worry about and work on. I found a professional project that completely took over my brain and paid up all of my spare time!
Of course not all of you are stand-up comedians looking to write a one-hour stand-up comedy show… I get the but one suggestion I made in this podcast is that you postpone your honeymoon…particularly if you have friends and family that are visiting from out-of-town who you might like to catch up with them before taking off. It’s also great to have a holiday to look forward to and may be postponing it for a month or two might stretch out that excitement.
There were many moments in our wedding that I look back on with absolutely glee. Besides marrying Rich, my favourite memories of our wedding weekend are sharing these moments with our fabulous friends and family. Dancing laughing and desperately trying to capture every moment in my mind so I wouldn’t forget how awesome it was to have all these people who cared about us together in one place.
As I suggested to Catherine in this episode perhaps she needs a project like organising a weekend away with her close friends… People that helped her and her partner celebrate their wedding because if you like us, and I’m sure a lot of you are, life can get away from you. We don’t see our friends as much as we should (sometimes a night on the couch with Netflix is more preferable than driving across town) so perhaps trying to gather those people together in one place might be a cool project to work on?
A couple of books to improve you post wedding blues
Lena Dunham- Not that Kind Of Girl
As if Lena need my review to sell any more copies of this book, but bloody hell it’s enjoyable…one of those reads that you want to devour but then hold back because you don’t want it to end. Poor Rich, trying to read his book in bed each night gets tapped by me, interrupting him, reading out my favourite bits, and there are SO MANY!
Look, it’s obvious I’m a fan but with Girls, Tiny Furniture and now this book, no pressure on Lena but she’s really shaping up to be a big influence on this
generation and she deserves it.
“Here’s what I have to say about being married: someday you will look at him, hating him with every fiber of your being, wishing that he would die the most violent death possible. It will pass.”
Hannah Horvath’s dying grandmother: Lena Dunham (GIRLS).
Amy Poehler- Yes Please
I love Amy Poehler. She’s sassy as hell. Hilarious and I want to be her friend.
I have been giggling whilst reading this book on the tube and bus (where people glare at me…’How DARE you smile on public transport in London’) Jerks!
She has so many nuggets of goodness that make me laugh and nod and say ‘YES!’ aloud…attracting even more weird PT looks!
“Creativity is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. That joy that comes when you do something you love. That is the juicy stuff that lubricates our lives and helps us feel less alone in the world. Your creativity is not a bad boyfriend. It is a really warm older Hispanic lady who has a beautiful laugh and loves to hug.”
My guest today is Cheryl Seidel who is an etiquette expert, the voice behind the ‘Ask Cheryl blog’ and she’s also the founder and President of RegistryFinder.com, an intuitive search engine that helps gift givers quickly and easily find online registries for weddings, baby showers, graduations and more. Cheryl is also contributor for The Huffington Post and an etiquette expert.
In this episode of the wedding podcast we debunk some common etiquette myths, look at new traditions and ditch some old ones! It’s lots of fun and I’m not afraid to say that Cheryl surprised me with a few doozies that I had no idea existed!
Etiquette refers to conventional forms and usages: the rules of etiquette. Decorum suggests dignity and a sense of what is becoming or appropriate for a person of good breeding: a fine sense of decorum.
Cheryl I both agree that manners are the foundation of society but with things are changing when it comes to wedding etiquette. In this episode we discuss the shift in couples embracing what we have termed ‘new wedding etiquette’… ditching antiquated rules and expectations and replacing them with what is important to them. We talk about removing the pomp and ceremony of fancy swirly writing and parents ‘inviting’ guests to the wedding on invitations (especially if you’re paying for the whole event)…omitting the stuff that isn’t ‘you’ and replacing it with things that are!
Listen to hear…
-The non negotiable’s when it comes to wedding etiquette
-What are some of the antiquated etiquette details that we are ditching?
-How to help older family members understand new traditions and the loosening up of formalities?
-What costs should the bride cover for her bridesmaids?
-Who should be invited to a bridal shower?
-Is it acceptable to register for gifts if it’s your second or third wedding?
Listen and learn my pretties!
Listener Kylie sent me this message via Bridechilla Podcast Facebook page
Hello! I am really enjoying your podcasts particularly the Q and A’s. I listen in the shower, or when walking my two dogs!
I and starting from the beginning and trying my hardest to get up to date. Only at March ‘wedding music’ so I have a bit of catching up to do. I apologise if this is something that you have already answered so if so please just let me know which podcast to prioritise.
We are on a ‘budget’ in the sense that we don’t want to spend every penny we have on one day. I was just wondering about save the dates. We have told most of the people close to us the wedding date. I was hoping that if I send the actual invites early enough maybe I could just skip sending save the dates as j just feel it’s another cost. Would love to hear your thoughts? And also a timeframe for sending invites?
Thanks Kylie Bundaberg Australia
Save the date cards serve a purpose especially if you have guests that live interstate or overseas or if you are planning to ask you them to travel vast distances (and therefore spend a lot of money!). It’s a heads up. Save the date cards are usually sent out 6 to 12 months in advance of invitations and allow your guests to know the time and date of your upcoming wedding so they can book travel and accommodation and make sure they don’t plan something un-cancellable on your wedding day.
There’s no need to spend a lot of money on preparing Save the Dates, especially if you are yet decided on a theme or colour scheme, just keep them simple. One way to send out Save the Date cards that is free is to email (contentious I know). There are lots of easy to use template based html cards that look professional and stylish and are minimal cost, if not free.
NOTE…you can’t un-send a Save the Date. Finalise the guest list prior to sending because once there out there, you’re then obliged to send them an invitation.
If you’re looking for a reliable email service…meaning somewhere you can use free html templates and keep track of who has opened the email and who replies (it’s very easy and free!)
To get started you’ll need to sign up for a FREE Mailchimp account. Free accounts can hold up to 1,000 contacts, so unless you’re throwing a MEGA wedding, the free account should cover everything you need.
Use excel spreadsheet to import your guests contacts
Use their drag and drop html email template, where you can add images, change the font or upload your own design from scratch…like the ones below from etsy!
Paperless Post – Paperless Post has a huge selection of wedding invitations with designs from Kate Spade, Kelly Wearstler and Oscar de La Renta. You can use Paperless Post for Save The Dates or go all the way and take your whole wedding communications online. Paperless Post requires ‘coins’….credit really. When you first sign up, you receive a starter set of coins, and then you can purchase more as needed.
If you are looking for an inexpensive (and pretty) option, you can purchase a digital file from and Etsy designer that you can have printed or attach to an email (or email service like mailchimp).
The Save the Date in the image (to the left) is $15. It’s cute, it’s editable and will save you lots of time and energy in photoshop than trying to do it yourself.
Remember…don’t spend 6 hours trying to save $20! Your time is precious!
According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
You don’t have to be an extrovert or professional big mouth like me to prepare a cracking speech. As a seasoned foot-in-mouth-specialist and occasional standing ovation receiver (I said occasional), I want to give you some tips to ensure that your speech will not be included in a Buzzfeed’s worst wedding moments countdown — but will instead be remembered for being witty, warm and genuine…just like you!
I don’t want to ruin anyone’s dreams and impressions about stand up comedy here but EVERYONE knows their material backwards. No matter how off the cuff they seem, they have been working that gear for months…years even. Making a cracking speech that is memorable for the right reasons, comes down to preparation, sticking to time and owning it and you can’t do any of that stuff off the cuff.
Again, don’t wing it. Stand in front of a mirror, talk to yourself using a brush as a microphone…whatever you need to shiny up your performance, do it!
This could also be labelled as class. Don’t tell dick jokes in front of Nanna. Saying things (even jokingly) like “we didn’t think you’d last”, “we never really liked the bride (or groom)” or “although we really thought your last boyfriend was tops, we’ve warmed to the groom” are probably best kept under your hat or skirt. Sarcasm is fun, I love it, but often deep down these comments are true (and possibly rather hurtful) so shush! Know your audience. Know what they want….take them on a journey. Make them laugh and then hit them with some sentimentality. BAM. Winner.
We implore brides to chuck out the awful patriarchal tradition of the silent woman and get up and make a speech. What you have to say is meaningful and important. Why is it that only the groom speaks at these wonderful events? It really irks me. I am bride. Hear me roar.
Be authenticity. I realise this is easier said than done, BUT it’s way more effort putting on a front and trying to be something you are not, than getting up there and owning it as you. Without preparation, you may come off looking like a tool or saying something that will haunt you to the end of days, so make sure you follow our steps and you will shine!
Before you seal the deal and hand over a deposit, there are lots of questions that you should ask potential wedding vendors to decided if they are the ones for you. Today I’ve gathered some of the big must ask questions for vendors that will save you time, money and your sanity
1. Portfolio Show us what you’re made of!
No matter what vendor you are talking too, ask to see their portfolio, which should include customer feedback and references. No portfolio= bye bye-o
2. Wedding planner specific
- Is this your full-time job?
Of course people need to gather experience but it’s important to make sure that your potential future wedding planner isn’t just someone who’s read a couple of Martha Stewart mags. Ask if they have accreditation before paying any money or agreeing to hire them.
- Do you take commission from your recommended vendors?
This isn’t uncommon and I don’t have a problem with it…it’s business but it’s nice to know their arrangements and if they are happy to go with vendors that aren’t on their list.
- What’s the back-up plan?
Rain? No power? Cake hasn’t arrived…you want to know that the planner is capable of dealing with anything that comes his or her way and that you won’t be bothered on the day. Trust is everything in this relationship!
- What are the rates for different days or times (Friday, Saturday, Sunday; afternoon, evening)?’
- Is there a payment schedule for venue hire?’
Some venues require continuous payments, others just ask for a deposit and then full payment 1-2 weeks prior to the event. Know where you stand on what you owe and when.
- Are there hidden costs like a service charges, cleaning fees, or overtime charges for staff?
Ask not what they can do? Ask what they can’t. One-way to test the vendor is flip questions what can’t we do?
- What are the restrictions?
- Do you allow candles?
- What if any sound restrictions apply? Curfew etc…
- Do they charge cakeage?
- Are there restrictions for the photographer?
(some churches don’t like other cameras being used-besides the professional photographer) and art galleries restricting flash photography.
- What will the catering staff be wearing?
- Do you charge extra for allergy friendly meals?
- What is their cancellation policy?
- When can my vendors arrive for setup?
- Will you be here on the day?
If not ask to meet the person who will.
Bridal blogger Flushing Bride recently posted a very in-depth run down of every question to ask your venue….there’s even a printable option so you can take it with you and tick them off as you go!
Make sure you have a [easyazon_link identifier=”0770433367″ locale=”US” tag=”savthedatwedp-20″]wedding notebook[/easyazon_link] where you can keep track of quotes, budget and things to remember to discuss with potential vendors. It’s always good to remember that they see a lot of clients and of course you will be their priority on the day but before hand make sure you put things in writing, send emails and stay connected so you both can chase things up in need-be.
Some of my favourite Buzzfeed posts written by Rachel
The wonderful thing about hosting your own podcast is being able to create content and have conversations that I believe are important to all of us. Sure the Save the Date Wedding podcast is about planning weddings… but I think it runs a lot deeper than that and when I get a guest like Rachel on the show, it is an opportune time to talk about areas surrounding weddings that often ignored by mainstream media. I absorb a lot of online content when it comes to weddings and one awful theme that I have been seeing over and over again is that of wedding shaming. This unfortunately isn’t a new topic..
A Practical Wedding Editor -in-Chief Meg Keene wrote this post ‘The Wedding Industrial Complex, As It Were’ in 2009 and it’s more relevant than ever.
In the podcast Rachel and I spoke about forum participants and Facebook groups who seem to get a kick out of dissing other people’s weddings. What started as blogs to inspire and excite, have been turned into slinging matches. Chicks who spread their toxic attitudes and bad vibes putting down couples for the personal style and decisions when it comes to wedding planning. granted if you choose to share personal details or photographs on public forums you will always encounter idiots… but the worst thing is that many of these websites and forums sell themselves as a place of positivity, yet do nothing about the awful comments and often derogatory shit that is printed.
It is wonderful to hear that Rachel feels as passionately as I do about this trend and is endeavouring, via a very powerful medium, Buzzfeed, to block it out. One of the most exciting things about Buzzfeed is its optimism. Sure, it’s hard news section is becoming an increasingly credible platform for breaking stories, which are often serious but as an organisation I feel they really in to find the good in things. As Rachel said in the podcast, it’s not just lists of cat videos. So many of Buzzfeed’s most popular posts celebrate geeks culture, diversity and have been pushing the boundaries in regards to empowering women and minority groups.
[tweetthis]LOVE @the_rewm’s biggest DIY wedding tip ‘Just spray paint things gold’ #weddinghack [/tweetthis]
- Check out the Reddit wedding forums. They aren’t scary at all!
- Rachel mentioned these amazing [easyazon_image align=”none” height=”110″ identifier=”B00CZ75HKY” locale=”US” src=”https://www.thebridechilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/21PE7sPZcsL.SL110.jpg” tag=”savthedatwedp-20″ width=”110″] covers for glue gunning!
- Check out Meg Keene’s awesome book- [easyazon_image align=”none” height=”110″ identifier=”0738215155″ locale=”US” src=”https://www.thebridechilla.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/41FXlDjD5NL.SL110.jpg” tag=”savthedatwedp-20″ width=”71″]
Follow Rachel on….
If you are struggling with how to go about having ‘the talk’, eg speaking to your family and loved ones about your wedding and money, then hopefully advice given in today’s Q&A episode of the Bridechilla Podcast may help you out. My guest today is Rachel Wilkerson Miller…she’s a professional writer and editor living in Brooklyn, NY. She currently creates and edits content as a Senior Lifestyle Editor at BuzzFeed. I am certain that you have read some of her posts, especially on the Buzzfeed Weddings Facebook page! As well as producing some fantastic contents of Buzzfeed, she also maintains her personal blog… one of my favourite go to websites that interesting articles, long reads and links. Rachel started blogging in 2005 and has been writing about weddings since 2013 with her work appearing on The Huffington Post, Yahoo! Shine, SHAPE.com, Birchbox, The Nest, and A Practical Wedding.
I’m so happy to welcome Rachel as a guest today and you will get to hear more about an exciting announcement from Buzzfeed in the next couple of weeks.
The first question comes from Podcast listener/superstar Janiece, who wrote
My fiancé and I are expected to wed sometime late next year. I’m currently trying to organise vendors and establish a budget but I’ve reached a dilemma. Neither of our parents have offered to pay for anything. I know, it’s 2015 for heaven’s sake, so it isn’t uncommon for bride and groom to pay for their wedding themselves but I’ve always assumed parents help. In our case, their help would be greatly appreciated because we would be able to do more/accommodate more people. We are not sure how to go about speaking to our parents about their part in the budget or if we should bother with it at all. I guess I feel like I’m missing out on having a great wedding if our parents don’t help budget wise, I almost feel alone except for when my fiancé is sitting with me and agrees on a venue or wedding idea. HEEELLLPPP!
Someone who has put a halt on wedding planning and is a sip a wine away from running to the courthouse.
Make sure you click on the media box at the top of this blog post to listen to the episode…Rachel has some wonderful levelheaded advice about how Janiece might go about prepping her parents for that big money conversation and also preparing herself and her partner to the idea that her parents may not be able to contribute to the wedding budget. Every family is different, a lot of couples are going alone budget wise these days but also without having that sometimes uncomfortable conversation, it can be difficult to make a start in your wedding planning without knowing what sort of money you are able to spend.
I would put money on the fact that Janiece and her fiancé are not the only couple struggling with this very scenario, so I hope the advice that Rachel and I gave will also extend to listeners that perhaps our trying to figure out how to broach the subject with their loved ones.
If you are sticking to a strict budget then I mentioned in the podcast one of my favourite bloggers (and Bridechilla Wedding Podcast guests) Jess from the Budget Savvy Bride has a wonderful resource where you can search weddings by budget. This is great because you can see what other couples have managed to create with similar budgets to you!