Bridechilla Wedding Planning
  • STORE
  • MEET ALEISHA
  • SAVE MONEY
  • PODCAST
  • BLOG
  • DIRECTORY
  • PRESS
  • ABOUT
    • CONTACT ALEISHA
    • SUBMIT A WEDDING QUESTION
    • SUBMIT YOUR WEDDING
    • WHAT IS A BRIDECHILLA?
    • JOIN THE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
    • RESOURCES
  • STORE
  • MEET ALEISHA
  • SAVE MONEY
  • PODCAST
  • BLOG
  • DIRECTORY
  • PRESS
  • ABOUT
    • CONTACT ALEISHA
    • SUBMIT A WEDDING QUESTION
    • SUBMIT YOUR WEDDING
    • WHAT IS A BRIDECHILLA?
    • JOIN THE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
    • RESOURCES
Bridechilla Wedding Planning

Helping You Ditch Wedding Stress And Plan The Wedding You Want

Tag:

maidchilla

Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

How to Tell Someone They’re Not In Your Bridal Party

by Kealia Reynolds June 7, 2019
written by Kealia Reynolds

If you thought picking a wedding venue was difficult, just wait until you’re deciding who to include in your bridal party. Before I got engaged, I thought I was going to have the hardest time just finding friends and family to include. I was in a variety of friend groups in college, so I never really had a core of super knit friends that most people seem to have. However, once my fiancé popped the question, I felt myself struggling to narrow down my party to eight. Unfortunately, I had to have hard conversations with a few people and tell them they weren’t going to be able to be in my bridal party. Here are a few tips to help you if you need to have a similar conversation.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

1. Be honest

If you’re having a small bridal party, or no bridesmaids at all, the fact of the matter is that you just won’t be able to have everyone you love as a bridesmaid. When communicating this to your friend or family member, be honest. If you’re only having four bridesmaids, and all of your sisters are going to fill that role, your friend won’t be able to make the cut. I would avoid saying, “Hey, we’re not that close, so I don’t want you to be a bridesmaid.” Even if that may be true, simply being honest about having a set number of bridesmaids works a lot better.

2. Deliver the message in their preferred form of communication

If your friend or family member matters to you, try to have this conversation in person. I thought one of the friends I was telling preferred to communicate over text, but as we were having the conversation, I could tell she would’ve preferred if I had talked to her about everything in person. Even though the conversation may be uncomfortable, your friend deserves that respect.

Bride with a bridesmaid

Photo by Samantha Gades

Listen to the episode 347 of Bridechilla- How to be a Maidchilla

3. Invite her to other bridal events

If you truly wanted your friend to be in your bridal party but didn’t have the room to fit her in, ask her if she’d want to participate in another role at your wedding. For example, you could ask her to read scripture, pass out programs, help seat people, or even play music during the ceremony. You could also invite her to other important bridal events, like the shower and bachelorette party. Whatever you do, don’t extend a pity invite and make them a third-wheel at all of your events—this could just drive a wedge between you two and lead to extremely hurt feelings.

4. Listen to your friend

It’s no surprise that your friend might be incredibly hurt by the situation. That’s OK and totally expected. Instead of engaging in a heated discussion, bite your tongue and listen to her express her frustrations or hurt. If things do start to get heated, give yourselves a time-out and try to revisit the conversation at a later time.

Couple getting married wedding ceremony

Photo by Kendra Allen

5. Tell them early

The second you get engaged, your friend may automatically think she’s a bridesmaid. The longer you put it off, the more hurt and confusion it could cause in the future. Talk to your friend as early as possible to prevent them from having to find out from social media or another medium that they aren’t actually going to be in the wedding.

Hopefully, you won’t have this problem when trying to narrow down your wedding party, but if you do, stick to these tips and you’ll be able to gracefully let your friend down easy.

friends laughing together

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Kealia Reynolds is a Bridechilla and a house writer at House Method

Show image by Daiga Ellaby 

June 7, 2019
1 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

347- Bridesmaid Week- How to be a Maidchilla

by Aleisha November 19, 2018
written by Aleisha

Working with your Bridal Party and Bridesmaids in particular, should be fun. They're good friends that you have asked to join you to celebrate your wedding day and perhaps also in pre-wedding activities.
Being a bridesmaid, a Maidchilla, has evolved over recent years with a lot of extra tasks and commitments being added to the to-do list (and added financial obligations). In this episode of Bridechilla, I share my best tips for smooth Bridal Party communication, so you can get on with having an awesome time and ditch any potential stress!

Listen to Bridechilla episode 347

The Bridechilla community is not only dedicated to helping brides plan their wedding, we are also here to help bridesmaids know how to be a Maidchilla. On this episode of the Bridechilla Podcast, Aleisha shares what she has learned from her own experience and from her interaction with other people in the Bridechilla community about how to be a great bridesmaid. After listening to this episode, you can get much more information by purchasing Aleisha’s new book, The Maidchilla Manual, available for preorder on November 23, Black Friday 2018.

Maidchillas are an elite group of friends who are also now suddenly event planners and counselors and concierges who want to help their Bridechilla get all their shit in order and not lose their marbles!

Sharing the Bridechilla mindset with your bridal party

The Maidchilla Manual was written out of a need to extend the Bridechilla mindset into the wedding party. Many of the questions and comments within the Bridechilla community involve being a part of a wedding party. With so many differing traditions, preferences and expectations, it’s hard to know the proper etiquette for being a great bridesmaid. Aleisha shares some tips for how to manage expectations and increase the chill in the bridal party during this episode. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 

What is the difference between a bridesmaid and a Maidchilla? 

Bridesmaids can either be a delight or a disaster. A Maidchilla is different. They refuse to participate in petty arguments or drama. They realize their major role is to support their Bridechilla. Aleisha says that adopting the Bridechilla mindset puts a Maidchilla in an elite group of friends that help create great wedding planning and wedding day experience. Listen to the key differences between a typical bridesmaid and a Maidchilla on this week’s Bridechilla podcast. 

Communication is the key

In any relationship, communication is key. A lot of misunderstandings and issues can be avoided if expectations were communicated clearly from the outset. Aleisha says, “Most problems come from the assumption of information.” She stresses the importance of having honest conversations with the wedding party early on in the planning process. Talk about potential issues before they blow up into major problems. And most importantly, set expectations clearly so that there is no confusion about roles, whose in charge of what, what to wear, or any other part of wedding planning.

The Maidchilla Manual

The guide for how to be a Maidchilla

The goal of the new Maidchilla Manual is to provide solutions and options to make the wedding a kick-ass experience. Considering the variety of people and the different life-circumstances represented in most bridal parties, there is plenty of opportunity for issues to arises. Bringing together people who may not normally be acquainted can be difficult. On this week’s podcast, Aleisha shares from her personal experience of dealing with those difficulties and how she strives to be a Maidchilla herself. She also addresses many other issues related to having or being a part of a wedding party. 

Be sure to grab your copy of The Maidchilla Manual. You can preorder The Maidchilla Manual for a really sweet deal on Black Friday, November 23, 2018. For more information or to order, visit bridechillastore.com.

Show Highlights

  • [1:33] After many comments and questions about how to deal with bridesmaids, Aleisha is now addressing the topic with her new book The Maidchilla Manual
  • [6:33] The difference between being a bridesmaid and being a Maidchilla
  • [12:05] What is the job of a Maidchilla? 
  • [22:14] The big list of questions to ask your Bridechilla to help clarify expectations. 
  • [23:52] Aleisha shares a story of how she had to put aside her life circumstances to help make her friends wedding special
  • [30:02] Giving your wedding party choice and individuality with things like what to wear
  • [35:23] The Maidchilla manual has guidance for adopting the Bridechilla mindset
  • [36:29] How to deal with removing someone from your bridal party and how to avoid that situation altogether
  • [39:39] Remember that the wedding is about making a memorable day and not getting wrapped up in the drama or stress

Photo by Liz Weddon

Memorable Quotes

  • “Most problems come from the assumption of information.”
  • “I feel quite strongly that you shouldn’t invite people to the bachelorette or hen’s party that aren’t invited to the wedding.”
  • “Everyone involved (in the wedding) are at very different stages in their life”
  • “It would have to be very dramatic to remove someone from a bridal party, because that decision is a friendship ender or at least a friendship big-dent-maker.”

Photo by William Iven 

Show image by Brooke Cagle 

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

November 19, 2018
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

324 – Bridechilla Q&A- Bridal Party Dramas

by Aleisha June 11, 2018
written by Aleisha

I am delighted to welcome a special co-host to join me to answer you Bridechilla wedding planning questions, Bridechilla Directory member, wedding planner and podcaster, Cindy Savage from, an Aisle Less Travelled. We talk the values of the metric system, sewing and of course answer your wedding planning questions which this episode are all based on bridal party drama and managing expectations.

Listen to Episode 324 of Bridechilla 

Stop comparing your wedding to others

Our first wedding planning question comes from an anonymous Bridechilla who is torn about between asking a close friend to be her maid of honor as she is also planning her wedding and in doing so is being far more meticulous and traditional.
Our anonymous Bridechilla is concerned about how her potential MOH will react to her more casual approach to wedding planning and doesn’t want to get into a competitive situation, as their weddings are quite close to each other’s. How do you find away to accept each other's different approaches to planning the day and also manage expectations from the get-go? 

Comparison is the thief of joy 

It can be hard to sometimes remember this wonderful quote when we have our heads in the game but I think the sooner we can step back from the idea that wedding planning has become a competitive sport,  the sooner many of us will feel relief and freedom to just do what makes us happy. Our advice for our wonderful anonymous Bridechilla is to be open and clear about what she needs and wants from her friends involvement. Talking about their differing viewpoints, especially  if she is worried that her friend is possibly going to come in and try and change things or comment in a way that makes you unhappy.

Bridesmaid drama

Photo by Tamara Menzi

Dodging Family Conflict

Bridechilla Kelly is conflicted. She isn't close with her sister and has decided to ask a close friend to be her maid of honor. She is having no other bridal party. Upon discovering this, her sister flipped out and Kelly is now very conflicted between letting her sister down and doing what she really wants and that is having her friend be her maid of honor. 

I am sure we all have relationships within our family unit that aren't as strong as other's or that exists in a delicate ecosystem of emotions. It can often be extremely challenging to push back and not go the way that is expected of you...for Kelly that might be just relenting and giving here sister a place in her wedding but I see wedding planning as not only a place to plan an event and create your own traditions, it can be a place to step up and follow what you want to do without the pressure to conform to pressure from family and friends to 'do the right thing'.

Meet Bridechilla Guest- Cindy Savage

Image by Pinxit Photo

I’m Cindy Savage, your queer feminist wedding anti-status-quo planner. I help independent, feminist, and LGBTQ people like you plan meaningful weddings while keeping your sanity and your budget intact.

I offer a full range of wedding planning and coordination services, from hourly consultation to wedding day management to planning subscriptions to complete wedding planning and event design. So no matter what your needs or budget are, if we’re the right fit, I can help you create the wedding that is right for YOU! (And don’t worry – we’ll be lowering the stress and increasing the fun while we’re at it.) 

I’m based in St. Louis, Missouri and Portland, Oregon, and travel is included within the continental United States – so we can work together no matter where you are.

I happen to be really good at planning big parties and at helping you sort out what’s important to you – so that your wedding is the YOU-est wedding there ever could be. 

Oh yeah, and I’m also great at reducing your wedding planning stress so you can chill the f*ck out!

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Demetrius Washington 

June 11, 2018
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Bridechilla Blog

10 White Lies Bridesmaids Tell You…Because they are nice.

by Aleisha April 22, 2017
written by Aleisha

On the Bridechilla Podcast, I've talked a BUNCH about Bridesmaids, their role, how to communicate with them and make sure that your friendship flourishes not flounders during your wedding planning. (I've even confessed my previous experience as a moderately awful bridesmaid). 
Your bridesmaids are your A-Team. The Ms T's to the grey head bloke with the cigar… they’re your close friends who know that they can be honest and open with you but also know when to pop a cork in it to prevent hurt feelings, tantrums and being socially outcast. So here’s a list of the top ten white lies that bridesmaids may tell...because they are nice. 

1. I really, really love the bridesmaid dress you chose. Off the shoulder, corset ruffles…I will definitely wear it again. Definitely.

If I say ‘really’ and ‘definitely’ a LOT then maybe it will sound convincing that post wedding the dress will not be permanently residing in the far reaches of my closet next to my $79 GOOP yoga mat and trainers that were guaranteed to make my bum look like Kim K’s and will require double spanks to not make me look like I’ve just given birth. Please consider following the non-matchy matchy- pick a dress that we can perhaps wear again trend, or at least something that won't be used in a 'most humiliating clothing experiences of my life montage.  

2. Sure, attending a weekend workshop/dance class to learn choreography for your elaborate bridesmaids/groomsman opening aisle walk sounds fun!

Lady Gaga may have told us to just dance but she isn’t doing the running man in stilettos with a groomsman sidekick, who suffers from an underdeveloped sense of rhythm.
Did I mention that I was wearing double spanks?! Please....please stop this. 

3. I love talking about your wedding!

I actually really do but before we talk about the traitors who haven’t returned their RSVPs in the allotted time, please, I beg of you.... allow me to unload about annoying Meg from work who although appears meek, is, in fact, a tyrannical, psychopathic overlord who is running my life.
I respect my bridesmaids responsibilities and all that comes with the role but I also need you as a friend as well as a bride-to-be, you get me and I have things going on in my life too…mainly plotting to dethrone Meg.
I think I actually hate her.

5. I will hold your dress up while you pee.

SRSY is that actually a thing? I thought it was just in the movies?
Just hitch it up.
Or hold on.
Surely, the dress isn't so big that it prevents you visiting the bathroom solo?
I’m going to ban liquids on the morning of your wedding or we can go shopping and find a dress that allows you to perform normal bodily functions without an escort.

6. Of course, I won’t sleep with the single and stunningly handsome groomsman

Hey!
Two years ago would have totally jumped him. You’re getting hitched. It’s your day but it could be my night. Plus, he may turn out to be my future husband!
Think of how awesome it could be for us if it all works out OR imagine the fun we'll have coordinating avoidance tactics at social functions for the next 53 years. 

7. 6 am pre-wedding bridal party barre fitness classes! Yes, please!

PLEASE No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the most hungover, sleep deprived, dedicated bridesmaid of them all? ME. No one should be putting their legs in these positions at this time of morning….ever but I will because you are my mate, who wants rock hard wedding buttocks.

8. You don’t want me to cut my hair for 11 months because you’ve always dreamed of having bridesmaids with beefy chignons!? Of course!

DON'T. PUSH. ME. CAUSE.I'M. CLOSE. TO. THE. EDGE.
And even closer to getting 'Spite bangs'
Just buy me a wig. Seriously.

9. Of course, I’ll  visit 36 bridal salons every saturday until you find ‘the one’.

For you anything, my friend but if there is complimentary champs, I’m drinking it and I can’t promise to remember the specific details of ‘that cream lace gown with the plunging back from store #26’ but I will nod as if I do.
I will be calm, honest and bounce with joy when you find 'the one'. 

10. You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I love you to LA and back.

You are my best friend and even though you may have gone temporarily wedding crazy, I will be there and you'll be there for me when I go through it all! 

Listen and subscribe to The Bridechilla Podcast via iTunes | Stitcher |
Download the Bridechilla app via IOS | Google Play

April 22, 2017
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Bridechilla Podcast

122 Wedding Q&A- Controlling Mums & Kids activities at weddings

by Aleisha December 31, 2015
written by Aleisha

Listen to episode 122 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Today’s episode features listener questions about controlling mums who just want to recreate past relatives weddings and don't want to see 'modern' venues and have new ideas...this is made worse by the fact that the parents are paying for the wedding, so there has to be a level of tact involved in battling these ideas.
Also Caitlyn left me a voice message asking me for ideas about how to entertain kids at weddings (they have 20 coming to their big day)!

December 31, 2015
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail

Hi, I’m Aleisha

Hi, I’m Aleisha

Founder of Bridechilla

I created The Bridechilla Podcast, Guides and Facebook Community to empower you to plan an awesome wedding day and put all of the wedstress and obligation straight in the Fuck It Bucket!
With 350+ episodes of Bridechilla, 3 Guides and hundreds of blogs, get started on your path to wedding planning zen!

Bridechilla Directory

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • STORE
  • MEET ALEISHA
  • SAVE MONEY
  • PODCAST
  • BLOG
  • DIRECTORY
  • PRESS
  • ABOUT
    • CONTACT ALEISHA
    • SUBMIT A WEDDING QUESTION
    • SUBMIT YOUR WEDDING
    • WHAT IS A BRIDECHILLA?
    • JOIN THE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY
    • RESOURCES

© 2014-2019 - All Right Reserved. Bridechilla® is a registered Trademark.


Back To Top