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Bridechilla Wedding Planning

Helping You Ditch Wedding Stress And Plan The Wedding You Want

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387- Wedding Budget Busters

by Aleisha August 26, 2019
written by Aleisha

Jess Bishop, founder of The Budget Savvy Bride joins the Bridechilla podcast to talk about wedding budget busters with the Bridechilla community. We talk a lot about how important setting and sticking to a budget is when planning a wedding. Jess has dedicated her work to helping couples plan beautiful weddings without busting their budget. On this episode, Aleisha and Jess talk about some money saving ideas and weigh in on tips and advice other Bridechillas offer. If you are planning a wedding and are looking for some creative ways to save money, then be sure to listen to this podcast. 

Listen to episode 387 of Bridechilla

Like money in the bank

When saving money for your wedding, you want to make sure it is in a place where it will only be used for wedding expenses. You could hide the money under your mattress and hope you don’t forget about it. Or you could consider opening up a designated bank account specifically for wedding funds. Opening a bank account is easier than ever and with some banks can be done simply online. Having this account allows for people to make donations to your wedding fund and helps you keep up with your wedding budget. 

Photo by Blake Wisz​

If you know yourself and you know you can be responsible with paying those cards off every month, I think it’s a really great thing to take advantage of.

The perks of using credit cards

If are particularly disciplined and financially responsible, one way to help stay budget conscious and reap some extra benefits is by using credit cards. While you must be diligent to maintain your predetermined budget and pay the card off each month, credit cards can help you earn points or rewards that you can use for your honeymoon or after wedding travel. Jess and Aliesha share their experience with credit cards and how they have benefited from the perks during this conversation. 

Photo by Becca McHaffie

Getting thrifty at thrift stores

Bridechilla Mandy suggests one way to save money and get really great items for your wedding is to go thrift shopping. There are certain times or seasons where you can find fantastic decorations, arrangements, and even dresses at a fraction of the price. Thrifting is also a more sustainable way to shop for your wedding and allows for the reuse of wedding items that otherwise would likely only be used once. Hear about thrift shopping and other great ways to avoid wedding budget busters on this episode.

I think it’s really great to have a dedicated bank account for your wedding funds.

Avoiding budget busters with better ideas

Aleisha and Jess discuss several ideas that other Bridechillas submitted on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast. From booking a venue that only requires a minimum spend without a rental fee, using the free cricket machine at the library to DIY crafts, and having a family member purchase your cake, there are a ton of helpful and creative tips during this podcast. If you want to plan a beautiful wedding without blowing your budget, then be sure to listen to this episode of the Bridechilla podcast. 

Sometimes it really does take sitting down and comparing things really closely

Photo by Matheus Ferrero

Listen to episode 387 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [0:14] Aleisha introduces this episodes guest who is a regular on the show, Jess Bishop, founder of The Budget Savvy Bride

  • [2:06] The pros and cons of setting up a designated bank account for your wedding funds

  • [4:15] Bridechilla Chelsea advises that couples use one particular credit card for wedding expenses and use the points for the honeymoon

  • [6:09] Jess and Aleisha discuss some of the perks of using particular credit cards

  • [9:33] Aleisha shares a story of her honeymoon and how a credit card perk got them an amazing hotel room

  • [11:49] Using a credit card responsibly can help your credit score and might provide purchase protection

  • [13:16] Bridechilla Mandy suggests hitting thrift stores after wedding season ends in your areas

  • [16:12] How do you get over the guilty feelings of asking your friends to spend money for a destination wedding?

  • [25:38] Jess talks about her book The Budget-Savvy Wedding Planner & Organizer.

  • [29:12] When serving guests at the wedding, start with the good wine, then switch to the cheaper kind

  • [32:42] You can save money by booking a venue that only charges a minimum spend with no rental fee

  • [35:03] Veronica talks about usings a cricket (paper cutter) at her local library to help save cost for certain wedding items

  • [39:03] Bridechilla Amanda gives a great piece of advice based on how she had a family member buy her wedding cake for her. 

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Jessica Bishop is the founder of The Budget Savvy Bride and author of the book The Budget-Savvy Wedding Planner & Organizer. Jessica is an expert at planning weddings on a budget and has helped couples all around the world plan the wedding they wanted at a cost they could afford. She has shared her tips with a multitude of publications and media outlets. She joins to Bridechilla show to share ways to plan a beautiful wedding without busting your budget.

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by taylor hernandez

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August 26, 2019
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380- Getting serious about your financial future

by Aleisha July 8, 2019
written by Aleisha

Have you started planning for the future? Chances are if you are planning a wedding then your answer is “yes”. You are planning for a future event that will be a wonderful celebration of your love. However, what about after you are married? Have you thought about planning what will happen to your assets should you pass away? What will happen afterwards? Will our loved ones be left with a puzzle of paperwork to try and piece together? Or will they be sufficiently taken care of. Dave Hanley, Founder and CEO of Tomorrow, an app developed specifically to help people with their plans, joins the Bridechilla podcast to discuss planning for the future. 

Listen to the episode

How to talk about death 

It’s not always pleasant to think about death. However, the reality is we will all die one day. It is better to think about and plan for the future beyond our lives now than it is to leave our children, spouses, or loved ones with the difficult task of sorting through our lives. Planning for the future is really an act of love and kindness. Especially if you are planning a wedding, considering how your spouse would be taken care of in a tragic event or your untimely death can make a huge difference for them. In this episode, you’ll be encouraged not to let a mortality crisis keep you from making a plan that will help those you leave behind even as they grieve your loss. 

There are a lot of reasons as you delay marriage, as there are family businesses involved, as you have private stock in companies and stock options, debt, assets, that actually having a prenup makes a lot of sense

Working together to plan for the future

How can you work with your partner as you make a plan for the future? Perhaps it is painful to talk about dying with your spouse. Or maybe they are uninterested or uncooperative in being a part of the planning process. What can you do to get on the same page and work together as a team? During this episode, Dave Hanley shares some tips for how you can approach the often sensitive conversation of death and do so in a way that will be unifying rather than divisive. He also talks about how the app he developed, called Tomorrow, works to help in the process. 

 Photo by Shelby Deeter

Secrets secrets are no fun

Everyone brings their own histories into a marriage. Perhaps they have emotional or relational baggage. Or maybe they have had financial issues in the past. Often couples find themselves early in marriage with loads of school loans or other debt that can put a strain on the relationship. How can you deal with those issues both in the present and as you look to create a solid future for each other and for the loved ones around you? Dave stresses the importance of being upfront and honest with each other. Start with your own imperfections and work on those first. Then you can work together on issues that involve each other. Most importantly, don’t delay honesty in a marriage.

Never delay honesty. Because it can really build up and cause you a lot more trouble down the track

Failing to plan is planning to fail

When you have people in your life that care about you, it is a disservice not to make a plan to care for them even after you die. Additionally, you want to make sure that the assets you’ve worked hard to accrue will go to the people you choose. The only way to have a voice after you are gone is to make a detailed plan. During this episode of the Bridechilla podcast, Dave Harley gives encouragement for ways to plan for the future and talks about how the app his team developed called tomorrow can help. 

Photo by Sebastian Mantel

Show Highlights

  • [0:31] Aleisha introduces this episode about sensible future and estate planning with guest Dave Hanley, founder and CEO of Tomorrow. 
  • [4:06] Aleisha shares a story about a friend who was unexpectedly thrust into the position of being the executor of a will and all of the difficulties that comes with that. 
  • [8:11] How Tomorrow can help you be organized and generate important discussions with your family about the future of your estate. 
  • [9:50] Dave talks about how he helps people navigate the planning process in a unified way.
  • [11:39] How couples should approach the conversation about debt 
  • [20:54] Prenuptial agreements are increasing among couples. Dave shares his thoughts about reasons to have a prenup and how the can be helpful.
  • [25:58] Prenups often carry a negative connotation but they can actually help protect assets and clarify responsibility in the event of something unfortunate. 
  • [28:03] Aleisha shares how you can find more information about Tomorrow and Dave’s work. 

Listen to the episode

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Dave Hanley is the Founder and CEO of Tomorrow, an app that allows people to create a will and make decisions about the future together. Dave’s journey to starting tomorrow began when he had to handle the details of his parents death. He discovered that even an organized plan for the future can have difficulties and missed details. The Tomorrow team is dedicated to helping every family in America transform their lives and futures.

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With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

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July 8, 2019
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376- Money Talk. Wedding Planning Money Q&A

by Aleisha June 10, 2019
written by Aleisha

It has been said that money talks. However very few people are willing to talk about Money. Shannah Compton Game, CFP®, MBA, creator of the Millennial Money Podcast is out to tackle the taboo, strip away the stigma, and get people talking about their money. She joins the Bridechilla podcast to answer listener submitted questions about the financial aspect of planning a wedding. The difficulties and nuances of money, when combined with a new marriage, can cause major issues. But it doesn’t have to. Listen now to hear Shannah and Aleisha discuss your questions and start helping you talk about your money so your money can talk.  

Listen to episode 376 of The Bridechilla Podcast

The feeling of getting rid of debt...is like running into the water naked!

Marriage and mountains of debt

One of the increasingly difficult issues facing millennials is debt. From credit cards, to car loans, to mortgages, to the ever looming student loan, there are so many ways that couples can start off with loads of debt. How can you ever afford to pay for a great wedding when you have all these bills? Listener Rach writes in to ask if she and her fiance should lower their loan payments so they can have the wedding they want? Shannah explains how couples can plan an amazing wedding without taking on even more debt or even sacrificing their current debt repayment plan.

The keys to communication

Communication is key in every major relationship in life. You have to be able to communicate to your boss, co-workers, clients, parents, and the person behind the counter at the fast food restaurant. Communication in a marriage is doubly important, and it starts even during the wedding planning stage. Throughout this episode Shannah encourages couples to develop open lines of communication with each other. She says to start with tackling the big, difficult conversations so you will lay the foundations for great communication during your marriage.

If you just had a simple 5-10 minute conversation about it, maybe you’d be able to say 'hey this isn’t that big of a deal'

Photo by Justin Follis

How much you invest in your wedding is completely dependent on what you can afford and what you place value in this party, this celebration.

Don’t break the bank to make memories

You want to have a special wedding with the people who matter the most to you. And you want to make great memories you can look back on with fondness for years to come. So what does it take to really plan great experiences that you’ll never forget? Bridechilla April asks how she should handle a situation with her maid of honor who is planning lavish and expensive pre-wedding events that other bridesmaids would struggle to afford. Shannah explains how spending more money doesn’t necessarily mean a better, more memorable experience and how you can do a lot with only a little bit of money. She also addresses the temptation of overgifting at a wedding.

If there is an insistence of signing a prenup, first you gotta really understand what’s in that prenup and the only way you can do that, in my opinion, is hiring your own attorney.

Prenup or Blackmail?

Laura’s fiance is part of a family business that could employ Laura after the wedding. However, her future in-laws have requested that Laura sign a prenuptial agreement. Is signing a prenup is a good idea? And how can you tell if it is really a prenuptial agreement or just blackmail? Shannah advises having your own lawyer involved when considering a prenuptial agreement. Listen to her advice about that and many other topics on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast.  

Photo by Christin Hume

Listen to episode 376 of The Bridechilla Podcast

Show Highlights

  • [0:33] Introduction of Shannah Game, creator of the Millennial Money Podcast. She joins the show to answers wedding planning and money questions from the Bridechilla community.

  • [4:58] The importance of creating an environment of open communication in a marriage, especially when it involves money.

  • [9:47] Rach is struggling with sticker shock over the cost of a wedding, while she and her spouse are also trying to pay off student loans. She asks for advice on how whether she should reduce their loan payments in order to pay for the wedding.

  • [15:20] Leigh Ann confesses that because her fiance doesn’t understand the high cost of planning a wedding, she was dishonest with him about an item she bought.

  • [23:20] April’s Maid of Honor is planning great but expensive bachelorette party. How do you keep they cost down for the bridesmaids who don’t want to spend as much?

  • [30:11] Aleisha talks about the trend of over-gifting that seems to be increasing in weddings

  • [32:;20] Laura asks about a prenuptial agreement due to potentially joining her husbands family business after the wedding.

  • [37:48] Shannah plugs her show and shares about more of her content and how to get more information about Millennial Money Podcast.   

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Shannah Game is the creator of the Millennial Money Podcast. She is a certified Financial planner with a passion to take the stigma away from talking about money. With over 5.5 million listeners in over 146 countries, Shannah has created a vibrant community where talking about money problems and questions are welcomed and encouraged. Her goal is to help people become empowered to take control of their finances so that they can maximize their money’s impact. 

Subscribe to the Podcast​
Visit Shannah's Website: Your Millennial Money Podcast

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Shanique Wright

June 10, 2019
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345- Bridechilla Money Saving Tips Part 2

by Aleisha November 5, 2018
written by Aleisha

In Part 2 of Bridechilla Best money Saving Tips, Aleisha shares some of the Bridechilla Communities most successful ways to think laterally when it comes to getting bargains and using their budget in the most productive and best way possible (and your guests will never notice the difference). If you missed Part 1, be sure to check it out for more tips.
You don’t have to spend loads of money to have the wedding of your dreams. So tune in to hear some creative and practical ideas for saving money while planning your wedding. 

Listen to the Bridechilla episode

Wedding dresses don't have to cost as much as a car

I got my dress second hand at this bridal consignment shop. What should have been $1200 ended up only costing $600 and I can sell it back to the same store when I'm done. We also utilized coupons like crazy. We slowly built up our DIY crafts by using the 50% coupons at Michaels and a local wedding coupon book. Bridechilla Chelse

I fell in love with a gown at BHLDN but it was way out of my desired price range, especially accounting for alterations. I checked Poshmark and found the exact dress, altered to my EXACT height, in my exact size, for HALF of the new price (before alterations). Plus, I love that I was able to help a gal recoup some wedding costs! We both won.
Bridechilla Rochelle 

I know hiring a dress is a HUGE money saver for a lot of people - but for those who, for whatever reason, may prefer to buy it, I got just over £1000 off my wedding dress because it was “last season” (who knew that could be a thing for wedding dresses)! This was at the end of the summer when the shops were looking to get rid of old stock to free up space on the rack. It’s a sample size (which tend to be about a UK 12 I think) so less choice in terms of size, but it might help a few people!
Bridechilla Harriet

Money Saving tips Wedding Dress Shopping- Rack BridechillaPhoto by Charisse Kenion

A Wedding Cake doesn't have to 'look' like a wedding cake!

FH and I wanted to get our cake from his favorite bakery in Boston but it would be $1200 for a wedding cake to feed the number of people we’re having. The solution? Buy regular cakes. We’re having a small cutting cake and ordering half sheet cakes for the rest. Total cost? About $350. That’s almost a 75% savings and we’re getting the same delicious cake, just sans tiers. 
Bridechilla Rochelle 

A Waffle wedding cake? Yes please? 

Also instead of having a wedding cake neither of us care about, were having a stack of waffles, that we can make ahead of time and freeze, then defrost and decorate nearer the day. It'll probs cost us £80 including buying a waffle maker (that I will use daily because waffles ♥️)
Bridechilla Kat

Money Saving tips

Photo by Christin Hume

For many Bridechillas, a long engagement is the key to planning a budget friendly wedding

Biggest tip that is totally not doable/desirable for everyone, just something we fell into and it has been SO worth it - long. Engagement.
We are 17 months into a 27 month engagement. We didn't plan it that way. We became engaged in 2017 and with other family weddings in 2018, pushed the wedding to 2019. So so sooooo worth it.

Stress has been minimal: everything is basically planned and ready to go, we were able to take our time deciding on vendors and aesthetic, didn't feel rushed to make any decisions, etc. And financially it is AWESOME - we just finished saving up our entire budget last week! We will be able to pay for our entire wedding in CASH.

The biggest thing was I was able to take note of all the sales from places I wanted to get decor from and could wait until they happened again the following year. That way I wasn't rushing into buying stuff but could REALLY know what I wanted and still get it on sale!

Also, have a bunch of time to do all the DIY my heart desires without stressing about it. I started making robes for my bridal party a month ago and then life happened again and I got busy. But next month I'll have more free time, and I don't feel pressured because I still have 10 months to finish them! Centerpieces are almost done, and they'll just be sitting in a box until August, which is fine with me - at least they'll be DONE.

Now with 10 months to go, we're keeping up our budget habits (picking up side jobs when we can, cooking at home more, putting every extra penny into savings, etc.) So we can do a mini-moon after the wedding, and a totally kick-ass honeymoon in 2020 ?

Yeah, sometimes I just want to be MARRIED UGH. But it will be so worth it when we walk away from the big day completely debt free!
Bridechilla Sarah

Wedding Budgeting- Money Saving tips

Photo by Toa Heftiba

Aleisha's money saving Takeaways

  • Join EBATES! It's a money saving cash back website that will give you big discounts (extra coupons) and cash back on many of your online purchases 
  • Plan before you buy. Take your time. Don't feel rushed.  It will be there tomorrow and if it's not you will find something else!
  • Think laterally when it comes to buying decor and attire...it doesn't have to be labeled 'wedding' to be a part of your wedding!
  • Consider renting whatever you can (and don't want to sell or keep later)! It's good for your budget and good for the environment.

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

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November 5, 2018
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344-Bridechilla Money Saving Tips Part 1

by Aleisha October 29, 2018
written by Aleisha

Are you ready for some money saving tips? Wedding planning can be expensive. It’s easy to burn through your budget and overspend without even realizing it. But the Bridechilla podcast is here to help. On this episode, Aleisha shares money saving tips from here on extensive experience as well as from you, the listeners. You don’t have to spend loads of money to have the wedding of your dreams. So tune in to hear some creative and practical ideas for saving money while planning your wedding.

Listen to the episode

Nifty Thrifty Thrift Store Shopping

What better place to be thrifty than at a thrift store. Many wedding items can be found at second hand stores. While it might take some work convincing yourself that not everything you use in your wedding has to be new, you might find that you’ve saved a lot of money by taking this approach. One listener shares how she saved money on table decorations and serving dishes by buying some classy, gently used items from a local thrift store.

Stop. Think. Buy?

In the excitement of planning your wedding and purchasing items for your special day, it is easy to give in to impulse buying. However, purchasing without planning can blow your budget and leave you with a bunch of stuff that you might not even need. So how can you avoid giving in to this very real temptation? During the podcast, Aleisha discusses how to plan before purchasing, and how to prioritize substance over stuff. Sometimes just a moment of clarity and thought can save you from unnecessary purchases and buyers regret.

Photo by Jordan Arnold

Saving money while saving the planet

One unique way to save money on your wedding is to plan a sustainable, environmentally friendly wedding. Rather than using items that will just be thrown away after the wedding, consider decorating or serving with items that can either be reused or given away following the ceremony. There are creative ways to plan a sustainable wedding and you don’t have to make a big fuss about it. Listen to some great listener tips for how to be environmentally friendly and save money during this episode.

More Money Saving Tips

Just because you want to save money doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your dreams. It also doesn’t mean you are cheap. Aleisha encourages making room in your budget for splurge items. Decided with your partner what are non-negotiables and build your budget around those items. Then find unique ways to budget for the other details that aren’t as important. The Bridechilla podcast community has some great ideas that they share during this episode. Listen now for more wedding planning money saving tips. And get ready for part two next week.

Photo by Marisa Morton

Show Highlights

  • [0:56] What do you do to save money during wedding planning?

  • [3:57] Saving money on decor and flowers

  • [8:00] Because impulse buying can break the bank, here are some tips to help you think before you buy

  • [11:08] How planning an environmentally friendly, sustainable wedding can save money

  • [14:30] A listener shares how she saved money by taking advantage of the talents and resources friends and family have

  • [16:55] Work with your partner to determine what splurge items you want to get for your wedding

  • [24:53] Test your future marriage and save money in the process by shopping at Ikea for wedding items

  • [30:00] Utilizing the apps Honey and Ebates

Memorable Quotes

  • “Thrift stores, church sales and garage sales have a lot to offer and they are a good activity to do with your future spouse.”

  • “Look at the people around you and don’t try to go for the glitz and the glam because it’s really your day for your friends and family to celebrate your love.”

  • “For my wedding purchases, I never buy before walking away and thinking.”

  • “No one ever talks about post-wedding clean up and all the shit that you end up taking back to your house or apartment, and then going ‘what the hell am I going to do with all this stuff.’”

  • “It feels so good to literally delete entire rows of from quote typical wedding budget spreadsheets.”

Show image by Emma Frances Logan

Thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

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October 29, 2018
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331- Couples Finance Q&A With Dan Hinz

by Aleisha July 30, 2018
written by Aleisha

Becoming a team means getting your shit in order when it comes to money which is why I invited financial Coach Dan Hinz from adultingwithmoney.com back to the show to answer your couple finance questions. We cover lots in their episode, money guilt- when one partner is earning more than the other, debt suit, goals post wedding and also when you should unite your finances in a joint account.

Maybe you’re in the process of planning your wedding or maybe you’re already hitched, but at some point you’re going to have to talk about finances. Do you have questions about budgeting your money with your partner? Are you unsure about whether or not a joint account is the right way to go? Today Dan Hinz, MBA and Financial Coach from Adulting with Money, is here to shed some light on the subject and to tell you where the best place is to start.

Listen to episode 331 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights:

  • How to initiate the conversation about mutual finances
  • Why it’s important to have a “team” mentality when it comes to money
  • The one thing you need to financially define as a couple
  • Three types of funds that Dan recommends for every couple wanting to combine their incomes
  • How to deal with feelings of guilt about bringing individual debt into a relationship
  • The most important thing to keep in mind when it comes to debt and finances
  • When is the best time to initiate a joint account as a couple?
  • Where is the best place to start?
  • How to incorporate a wedding budget into the bigger life goals/obligations
  • How budgeting is like roulette, but not in the way you might think

Memorable Quotes:

“A couple needs to have a common language that they start to talk about money in the same ways.”

“Sometimes you’ve just got to practice to get better.”

“The key [when it comes to one partner making more money than the other] is that the one making more doesn’t make it a big deal.”

“Whatever helps the team, helps the team. Whatever hurts the team, hurts the team.”

“Once you get out of the individual mindset and realize you’re a team, those lines of what’s fair and not fair start to disappear.”

“I want anything that helps us, anything that helps the team.”

“All things money related boils down to a monthly number.”

Meet Dan Hinz

Dan Hinz, MBA, is a financial coach who helps engaged couples and newlyweds stop money fights before they start.

A graduate of Iowa State University with a master’s degree in business administration with a focus on finance, he authored the ebook, How to Talk About Money with Your Spouse: The Ultimate Guide, a 20,000+ word guide that teaches couples how to be on the same page with money.

 He has also been the financial coach for two morning radio shows, The Miguel Show with Holly & Mandy and The Chubbs & Mandy Show; both at Island 106 (WILN; Panama City, FL).

Dan has also been an adjunct professor in finance for Florida State University-Panama City and Gulf Coast State College. He lives in Panama City Beach, Florida with his wife.

Episode Resources:

Adulting With Money's Facebook 
Adulting With Money
Dan's e-Book
Adulting With Money - Twitter 

Show image by Sabina Ciesielska

July 30, 2018
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321- Adulting With Money with Dan Hinz

by Aleisha May 21, 2018
written by Aleisha

Wedding planning and budgeting can sometimes highlight differences in the way we work with money and our expectations as an individual about how money is handled. A lot of couples admit that they have the same ‘money argument’ over and over again and this is understandable as we all have different money stories (the foundation of where we learned about money and how to save it…and spend it).  On this episode of Bridechilla I am joined by Dan Hinz from Adulting with money.
Dan is financial coach and helps engaged couples and newlyweds chill out when it comes to money. He teaches them to focus on honest communication and what’s actually important to each of them. We talk about counselling and getting on the same page and working as a team when it comes to creating your new money story as a couple. A worthy listen for all...even if you think you've got all this financial stuff in check and be sure to read Dan's post below.

Listen to episode 321 of Bridechilla

How Working with a Financial Coach Makes Everything Better

Before reaching out to me, Ethan and Reshanda (not their real names) were newlyweds living harmoniously in the Midwest. Among the snowstorms, brunches with friends, and fun vacations, the happy couple were also advancing in their careers. But something changed.

For Reshanda to advance in her career, she needed to get a master’s degree. Ethan had a pricey hobby, and they both wanted to stop living the apartment life.

There wasn’t enough money to go around for all these goals, so they started talking about what they should do. And they talked. And talked. And never made a decision.

Now, Ethan and Reshanda aren’t a couple that argues much. The discussions weren’t knock-down-drag-out fights, but they weren’t getting anywhere, either.

Until they found me, and I taught them how to set off in the right direction.

Photo by rawpixel 

Step 1: Have an honest conversation about what you want.

It’s no secret that a happy marriage is about communication. Being open and honest with each other is going to solve most of your issues, and it’s no different with money.

When working with a couple, the first conversation I have with them is about what you want to do with your money.

  • What are your hopes? 

  • What are your dreams?

  • What’s at the top of your wishlist?

From that one conversation, you learn more about each other, and I start to see what gets you excited.

I also like to talk about how you feel about money.

  • How did your family handle money?

  • Is there someone in your life that is a positive example of handling money?

  • Who do you know that isn’t so great at handling money?

  • What are your biggest concerns about money?

One thing I don’t do is dig deep into your past. We’ve all made mistakes. What you’ve done in the past and who you are at this exact moment shouldn’t define who you become.

Before my wife and I started talking about money, I needed some new suits for my first career as a financial advisor. Joseph A. Bank was having one of their, “Buy 1, Get 462 Things Free!!” sales. I spent at least $2,000 on suits, shirts, and ties.

I’m not sure my wife knows I spent that much. When I think about telling her, it makes my stomach churn. It would be uncomfortable to talk to her about this, but I also know she loves me. The discussion would be hard, but it’s not going to ruin our marriage.

If there’s something you need to get off your chest with your partner, I help make it a safe space to do so.

I also make it clear that it’s essential to move forward. I want nothing more than to make you and your partner a happy and strong couple.


Photo by rawpixel 

Step 2: Develop a plan and a process

Once we discuss your hopes, dreams, and fears around money, then it’s time to start making a plan. A lot of couples struggle with how to work together with their money.

  • Should we have separate bank accounts or have everything joint?

  • What app should we use?

  • How much should each of our “allowances” be?

  • What the fuck is a checkbook?

When couples start learning how to budget, there are specific steps we work through, but it’s okay if you decide to do things differently. In fact, as long as you and your partner are working together as a team, I’m a happy coach!

I’ve found that working together on your budget is like trying to craft a great joke. Trying out a new joke for the first time sucks. There’s a nugget of truth and humor in it, but no one falls over laughing the first time around. But the more you work on it, the better it gets.

For example, in the seventh episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, we get to watch the titular character, Miriam, craft one of her jokes. (Note: If you haven’t seen the show, it takes place in the 1950’s.)

The setup of the joke is: “This morning, I witnessed the aftermath of my parents’ sex night. I caught them pulling the twin beds back apart. Now, I heard that scraping noise in the middle of the night as a kid….”

And here is what we get to see next:

  • First punchline: “...and I was scared to death that it was a ghost. So...thanks for the memories, Mom and Dad.”

  • Second try: “....I always thought it was a ghost, but now I know it was something much scarier...my parents’ sex life. Thanks, Mom and Dad.”

  • Winner: “....but now I know it was something much scarier than a ghost...it was my parents’ sex life. No, really! For years I would embarrass myself at Halloween because the other kids would be making ghost noises like, “wooooooo, woooooo,” and I’d be going, “[sexy voice] ooohhh, ooohhh.”

Crafting the perfect budget for you takes time and practice. I tell all my couples that it takes at least three months to learn how to work together. If you quit before that, you won’t give yourself enough time to work out the kinks.

Photo by Tanja Heffner

Step 3: Give yourselves time and grace to work the plan

When it comes to combining money, newlyweds are trying to learn three things at the same time:

  1. How to budget.

  2. How to use a new budgeting app.

  3. How to be a married couple.

When starting out, it’s hard to know what to fix when something goes wrong. For example, let’s say you try to stick to a budget but end up spending $500 more than you planned.

  • Is the app double-counting something?

  • Did your partner go on a spending spree and not tell you?

  • Or are you just bad at budgeting and should quit now and never try again?

Stay calm and budget on.

With so many questions and so few answers, it’s no wonder that fighting over money is one of the leading causes of divorce. But that’s where having a coach can help out.

When you ask a question, a coach gets you an answer. Most of the time, the problem is easy to fix. But when your attention is pulled in different directions, the answer can be hiding in plain sight. It’s like when someone rests their sunglasses on their head and then says, “Hold on, I can’t find my sunglasses.”

It’s also important to never feel bad for asking me--or any other coach--a question. When a couple has a problem that’s been bugging them for days, it feels wonderful to help! Solving problems is as addicting to us coaches as laughter is to a comedian.

Having a financial coach can help keep you focused on what’s important. IMO, spending an hour to make sure your budget is balanced isn’t worth the effort if you don’t have any goals. Why skip the Oreos if you’re not on a diet? Let’s figure out what you want to fight for, then learn how to win.

At this point, I would like to say that hiring a financial coach isn’t for everyone. As Jerry Seinfeld has said,

“If you can’t get the bloodstains out of your t-shirts, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.” 

If you’re a couple that can’t decide what to have for dinner without fighting...your problem isn’t about money.

It isn’t wise to use a new way to manage money or budgeting to try and fix deep-rooted issues. Instead, seek out the relationship experts that Aleisha has on other Bridechilla episodes.

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz

But what about Ethan and Reshanda?

After working with me, Ethan and Reshanda learned a few things.

First, I asked Reshanda how much her master’s degree would cost. After asking around, Reshanda found that it’s common in her industry for a company to pay for a master’s degree. With that, her choice to move forward in her career became crystal clear. It was a “Hell, yes!”

Second, Ethan decided to give up his expensive hobby. After the lovebirds sat and talked, he saw how much the master’s degree meant to his wife, and Ethan was just as tired of apartment living. By focusing on saving for the down payment on a house, the couple found a common goal to fight for.

Finally, the only significant change the couple made was to budget together. Ethan and Reshanda had both been budgeting separately, so I taught them how to use one budgeting app together. They also plan to combine their bank accounts one day, but it’s not at the top of their priority list.

Want to get started right away?

If you’re ready to get on the same page with your partner, be sure to grab a FREE copy of my 20,000+ word guide, How to Talk About Money with Your Spouse: The Ultimate Guide, and you can get started right now!

Meet Dan Hinz

Dan Hinz, MBA, is a financial coach who helps engaged couples and newlyweds stop money fights before they start.

A graduate of Iowa State University with a master’s degree in business administration with a focus on finance, he authored the ebook, How to Talk About Money with Your Spouse: The Ultimate Guide, a 20,000+ word guide that teaches couples how to be on the same page with money.

 He has also been the financial coach for two morning radio shows, The Miguel Show with Holly & Mandy and The Chubbs & Mandy Show; both at Island 106 (WILN; Panama City, FL).

Dan has also been an adjunct professor in finance for Florida State University-Panama City and Gulf Coast State College. He lives in Panama City Beach, Florida with his wife.

Show image by Joshua Ness

May 21, 2018
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Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

313- Millennials, Marriage and Money with Shannah Game

by Shannah Compton Game March 26, 2018
written by Shannah Compton Game

In the first of regular money based Bridechilla podcast episodes, I welcome the host of Millennial Money podcast Shannah Game. we talk about joining finances, working as a team and dealing with student debt when it comes to planning your wedding and beyond. I am excited to extend this conversation and hopefully help you change your money saving and budgeting game!

Listen episode 313 of Bridechilla

Managing your money as a team

By Shannah Compton Game, CFP®, Millennial Money Expert, Host of Millennial Money Podcast

Managing money as a couple is not for the faint of heart – if you're knee-deep into your relationship you have an inkling of what I'm talking about. The experts all say that the two most controversial and difficult conversation topics with couples are sex and money. I can't help you out on the sex one, but I can help you with the money topic.

Photo by Derek Thomson 

The most challenging aspect I've found both personally, and after working with couples for 12 years as a Certified Financial Planner, is that you're trying to approach a tough topic from an individual viewpoint versus the partnership view. Say what? What I mean is that you both come into the relationship with your thoughts and feelings about money. Often you've never expressed those feelings to anyone, including yourself. Let's face it; you want things your way.

I'm here to tell you that you can find peace and harmony (most of the time) with your partner around money. I've done it myself and helped many others as well. It takes some hard work and commitment, but I promise you it can be gratifying. Here are a few tips to help you move from "my way or the highway" to "we've got the best partnership."

1 – Set a don't ask, don't tell limit: 

Find an amount of money that you're ok with your partner spending and vice versa each month without questions. The amount doesn't matter, but the point is if you're going to spend above that amount, you need to run it by your partner for a thumbs up.

2- Set regular money dates

It’s time to stop avoiding conflict by setting regular calendared money dates with your partner. It can literally be 10-30 minutes, but it’s a time where you regroup and talk about goals, what’s on the horizon, celebrate the financial victories and share any worries. Have these dates at a place you love – park, over happy hour, on a walk, etc.

3- Divide and conquer

When you’re both trying to do the same thing in two different ways your outcome will never be good. Figure out who will handle the finances day in and day out and who will be the metaphoric cheerleader keeping you both pointed in the right direction towards your goals. The partnership is key, so play to each of your strengths.

Photo by Brooke Cagle 

4- Figure out your baseline number

This should be the #1 tip, but I'm saving it for last, so hopefully it sticks. It's critical to know your numbers – meaning, knowing how much it takes to run your household at the bare minimum. I'm not talking dinners out and fancy shopping, but what are the bills you must pay (including groceries because you must eat). Once you get there, you both know what it takes to pay the bills, and you can begin to build a roadmap with any excess funds each month. Want to go on a dream vacation? Great, how much do you need to put away each month to achieve that goal? Want to quit your job and start a business? Great, what will you need to cut back on or minimally make to have the numbers work? Knowing your baseline numbers gives you options for your finances and can keep you both pointed in the same direction.

I'm so passionate about helping couples because I've not had an easy marriage journey. I got divorced in my early 30's and lost almost all of my assets through the divorce. I'm now happily remarried, but through these stages of life, I've learned what it means to be in a real partnership with your partner and how important it is to have the tough conversations around money so you can indeed be on the same page.

If you want to hear more tips and advice, you can find me on my own podcast, Millennial Money, where I dish tips, answer questions and feature stories of other cool people who are trying to figure out this life and money journey.

I’m also a Certified Financial Planner with an MBA and am passionate about helping women entrepreneurs become bold in their life, business and finances. I started my first business when I was 19 in college, Hometown Cinema, and bleed entrepreneur. When I’m not podcasting or helping other amazing women, I’m a Lecturer in Finance at California State University Northridge teaching financial literacy to the next generation of students.

Twitter | Instagram | Podcast

Show image by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

March 26, 2018
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Bridechilla Blog

How to save big money using cashback sites

by Aleisha November 7, 2017
written by Aleisha

Ready to save some money?

I am sure you will agree, that any money saved during your wedding planning journey, is a good thing and by adding one extra step to your online purchasing routine, you will be saving 2-25% off BIG wedding purchases. 

Saving 4% here and there with your wedding purchases, on the surface may seem like it won't make a dent in your wedding budget, however when you combine those savings with other discounts and multiply them over all of your purchases, you can really save.

Using Rakuten  (formerly called Ebates) as the foundation for savings, as you will see in this post, you can combine additional deals and coupons to your cashback experience and that will make a substantial positive difference. 

How does cashback work?

Cashback website Rakuten works with big retailers like J Crew and Priceline who pay a percentage to Rakuten for being an affiliate and for referring customers to shop with them online.
Rakuten then passes on a percentage of that payment to shoppers and affiliates as cashback.
So put it very simply,  they do a deal with a company for referring us to shop there and in turn they incentivize us by giving us cashback.  
It’s a win for everyone.

Watch the short video below about how to sign up for Rakuten and start saving.
Also if you’re a new Rakuten user, you’ll get a $10 welcome bonus when you use this link!

play

daily double (and triple) cashback deals

Rakuten regularly offers double and triple cash back specials on selected retailers and during the holiday season (and around Black Friday) in addition to double cashback, they also offer some pretty crazy coupon codes, that are exclusive to Rakuten members. For example, today* they are offering the deals below.

Using Rakuten exclusive coupons for super savings

Photo by Corinne Kutz​

Clicking on Shoes.com we can see that in addition to the 12% cashback offered, they are also promoting a special 20% off coupon, which is exclusive to Rakuten members.  

Clicking on Shoes.com we can see that in addition to the 12% cashback offered, they are also promoting a special 20% off coupon, which is exclusive to Rakuten members.  

For example this pair of Nina Venetia Sandals RRP at $84.95. With the 20% coupon code, this brings the price down to $67.95. 

With 12% cashback, $8.51 brings the total price to $59.44.

32%
SAVED

Book your honeymoon for less

Photo by STIL 

Travel is one of the most consistent and and easy ways to save BIG when using Rakuten and this is very good news for you if you are looking to book a honeymoon because savings can mean upgrades, extra nights and more time on a beach, exploring a new destination or skiing down a mountain. Who is going to say no to that!?

HELLS YES. 

When my husband Rich and I travel we spend some time researching which travel companies offer the best combined voucher codes and cashback deals for our dates and travel needs.  

Priceline is always at the top of our list when booking travel. They offer competitive rates on cars, hotels and airfares and if you are serious about savings (and often getting some amazing rooms for less) you should consider taking advantage of their Name Your Own Price service, where you get to suggest a price you’d like to pay for a hotel or rental car and see if any company accepts your offer.

You’ll then have the option to lock in that price and the custom savings you just got. You can also check out the Express Deal hotels to get outstanding hotel rooms at exceptional discounts. You can select amenities, the neighborhood you want to be in and the price. You’ll find out the exact hotel after you book your room, but you’re sure to be impressed with the savings and the quality of the hotel.

Rich and I did this on a recent holiday to Utah and stayed at the Hilton for 60% off the rack rate. It was fabulous!

*Cyber Monday Flight Deals- Starting at midnight on Cyber Monday, Priceline typically has a special selection of flights priced at 50% their usual cost*

Combine cashback and sign up bonuses

Combining Rakuten cashback with offers can be a great way to save money. For example, ModCloth offers 20% off your first order when you sign up for their mailing list. They provide 2% cashback via Rakuten, so this gorgeous gown can be purchased with a 22% saving. 

22%
SAVED

Faith in Flawlessness Maxi Dress in Ivory

cashback best practices

  • Always be sure to read the terms and conditions of the cashback deal. If you go rogue and add coupons or codes from third parties (in addition to your Rakuten coupons and discounts) it may void your cashback.
  • Make sure that you click through to the shopping website using the chrome extension or click through directly from Rakuten to ensure that your visit has been registered.
  • Take advantage of the 'refer a friend' bonus and share your personalized link with friends and family!
  • Always check for additional codes and coupons via the Rakuten website to add to your purchase.


November 7, 2017
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Bridechilla Blog

Planning a Second Wedding

by Aleisha August 9, 2017
written by Aleisha

I’ve got some news for you—not all marriages last. I realize that’s the last thing you want to read on a wedding blog, but it’s reality. Not to diminish the severity of divorces but…shit happens. My first marriage failed.

Much later, after navigating through the newness (i.e. weirdness) of internet dating, I met someone. He was perfect and didn’t require a nickname like the others such as Viking Guy or Knuckledragger. After dating for three years and a proposal with a Ring Pop (yes, that kind), I was engaged. Again. Holy crap!

And now I am planning my second wedding.​

Wedding Advertisements

The very first thing I did after we got engaged was buy a shitload of wedding magazines. You know, because I ‘could’. Most of them are just glossy pages of advertising for ridiculously expensive things I don’t want or need. I’m 48. I have dishes, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, I have more bad news for you—bodies change as you get older. Your metabolism slows down. You have kids. There is no fucking way I can wear a backless dress. Well, I could, but it wouldn’t be pretty. The models are all young and perfectly airbrushed. I look nothing like that—especially now. Speaking of airbrushing, I recently had a makeover at Sephora because I’ve been wearing my make-up the exact same way for at least 15 years. Afterwards, a friend said I looked like “wax figure Molly”. Not good.

The Interwebs

A friend (note: she’s 20 years younger) is getting married soon as well. I asked her how her plans were coming (she’s way ahead of where I should be), where is she getting inspiration (Pinterest, “millions of weddings” she’s been to, wedding websites), how much time is she spending on the internet (So. Much. Time.). Uh oh. I am screwed.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and still haven’t adapted to the digital age or if there’s just too much out there. I’m overwhelmed. For example, Pinterest is crazy. CrAzY! I feel like the wedding decor posts are analogous to airbrushed models— they give me a complex even though I know much of it is fake. Now, I’m pining over peony and hydrangea centerpieces in their perfect, weathered, wooden boxes. Ridiculous.

The hashtag thing is ubiquitous, but I get it. I have a wedding website. I think. I keep losing it and the information that I’m supposedly storing there. There’s an app that goes with it which is completely different than the website. But I’m pretty sure wedding guests can post pictures with a specific hashtag via the app. Or is the website? Crap. I don’t know! #fail #siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Money

My first/pretend/starter wedding was in Vegas. So my fiancé said he wanted me to have a “real” wedding this time- something that I can plan, something that is all mine. Well, that’s very sweet of him, but we have bills. Lots of them: child support, credit cards, medical bills, leases. We can’t rely on our parents for this one.

There’s a wedding planning website that lets you delete things that you won’t have/don’t need at your wedding. Seems like I’ve pretty much deleted everything: no photographer, no DJ, no bouquet, no flower girl (or flower grandmas- wtf?), no favors, no paper invitations, no limo, no honeymoon (for now). But there is some rationale for the deletions. I figure everyone has cameras now and I have friends who are seasoned photographers, so why would I pay $$$ to hire one? With how easy Ipads are to play music, why don’t we just do that? Do any wedding guests give a crap about favors? Digital invitations seem more environmentally-friendly than paper. I can’t have a bouquet when my disabled daughter is walking me down the aisle (really it will be more like me coercing her down the aisle so I won’t be able to carry anything). Then there’s the whole frugality thing. 

Editor's Note: Check out more money saving ideas from our Bridechilla Community!​

Speaking of frugality, I have to admit that I’ve been watching “Say Yes to the Dress”. I can’t imagine having an unlimited budget for a dress. I pretend that I’m proud that my first wedding dress cost $40, but really I wish I could have purchased the dress that I truly wanted. Not that I wanted a traditional, white, poofy thing. (No offense to those of you that do.) Now, 20 years later, I still don’t want a traditional dress, but I wish I had the budget for something spectacular. Did I mention that no credit cards will be used?

Now vs. Then

Spanx was not around 20 years ago for my first wedding. I wore some thick-ass, all panty-line showing contraption. It was truly awful. I took it off half way through the reception. I’m kind of excited about trying Spanx now even though I wish I didn’t feel like I needed it. Which brings me to social media and reality TV. I feel bad for young women whose role models are, shall we say, prevalent in the social media/reality TV world. Women who promote materialism and vanity are not good role models. I’m a professor and I can see how many of my students try to emulate these women. Once in a while I try to knock a little sense into them, but I’m sure they just roll their eyes and put on some more highlighter/contour/whatever.

The biggest difference between now and then is that my fiancé and I have kids. I have one. My fiancé has three(!). When you have children your life changes. For most of us, we become less self-centered because our focus is on our kids. So maybe that’s another reason why I don’t feel the need to have some elaborate, over-the-top wedding.

Traditions

My fiancé is rightfully confused about the wedding traditions I want to keep and ones I want to eliminate. I actually want to wear a nice dress—just not one that is white and poofy. I want to walk down an aisle--with my daughter. I want my closest friends and family to be there- just not all of them. I want a beautiful ring that I pick out. I want to wear something old, new, borrowed, and blue. I didn’t do that at my last wedding and my marriage failed. I’m sure that was the reason.

I know some of you are thinking that I sound really jaded and why even have a wedding? Well, I sincerely believe that a wedding and a marriage are the ultimate way to tell someone that you love them. Plus…cake!

​

About the Author: Molly Brignall is a professor and physician (ND) in Tacoma, Washington. She is mom to a teen daughter with a rare disease and now has the privilege of serving as the Vice President of the Northwest Rett Syndrome Foundation. Her wedding is August 11, 2018!

August 9, 2017
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Hi, I’m Aleisha

Hi, I’m Aleisha

Founder of Bridechilla

I created The Bridechilla Podcast, Guides and Facebook Community to empower you to plan an awesome wedding day and put all of the wedstress and obligation straight in the Fuck It Bucket!
With 350+ episodes of Bridechilla, 3 Guides and hundreds of blogs, get started on your path to wedding planning zen!

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