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wedding ideas

Bridechilla BlogBridechilla Podcast

389- Wedding Photography Q&A with Cavin Elizabeth Part 2

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

One of Bridchilla’s most popular topics (and guests), wedding photographer Cavin Elizabeth, joins the Bridechilla podcast to answer more wedding photography questions. Once word got out to the Bridechilla community that Cavin Elizabeth was joining the show, the questions flooded in. Cavin has tons of wedding photography experience and wisdom from which she shares advice. During this episode, she answers questions about how to trust your wedding photographer, the importance of contracts, whether or not to tip your vendors, and how to plan the wedding day timeline with your wedding photographer.  
(Listen and read the Part 1 blog here)

Listen to episode 389 of the Bridechilla Podcast

Let them (the photographer) be in charge. There’s a reason you hired them. If you don’t trust them to do their jobs then you probably should not have hired them

Hire who you trust, trust who you hire

Bridechilla Jackie asks Cavin how to give a photographer guidance about what kind of pictures they want while still trusting them to do their work well. Cavin encourages couples not to try to micromanage their wedding photographers, especially on the day of the wedding. While it is ok to give them some of your thoughts and ideas, it is best to trust that, if they are professionals, they know how to do their job. Cavin says if you trust them enough to hire them, trust them enough to do their job without micromanaging. 

Bridechilla 389- Wedding Photography Q&A with Cavin Elizabeth Part 2

Image by Cavin Elizabeth

There’s all kinds of tipping alternatives that show your gratitude if you don’t or can’t spend any more money on tips.

Tips for Tipping your Wedding Photographer

Tipping vendors is a recurring question that comes up in the Bridechilla community. Should you tip your wedding photographer? If so, how much should you tip? When and how do you give them the tip? Cavin gives advice from her experience of receiving tips for her wedding photography. She also gives some great tipping alternatives that can allow the couple to show gratitude without shelling out even more money. Hear her advice about tipping and much more on this episode of the Bridechilla podcast. 

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Do not hire anybody for your wedding without a contract.

The facts about contracts

When hiring a vendor, you want to ensure that you are getting exactly what you pay for. Even if you are hiring a freelance photographer, it is essential that you have a contract. The contract should lay out the terms of service, any contingencies, and all of the specifics of what you are paying for from that vendor. If a vendor doesn’t offer a contract, you should ask them for one, or even draw one up yourself. Listen to Cavin’s advice about contracts with vendors on this podcast.  

Bridechilla 389- Wedding Photography Q&A with Cavin Elizabeth Part 2

Image by Cavin Elizabeth

Anything that is sensitive that could possibly come up when that photographer is dealing with the family, especially in family photos, they need to know.

Dysfunctional family photos

Nobody has the perfect family. Everybody has weird or difficult family dynamics of some sort. A wedding offers a unique opportunity for those dysfunctions to be on full display. How can you deal with difficult or dysfunctional family dynamics. Cavin encourages Bridechillas to give the photographer as much information as possible in advance of the wedding day so that they can help avoid any awkward or harmful situations. Hear all about that and much more on this wedding photography Q&A episode of the Bridechilla podcast. 

Bridechilla 389- Wedding Photography Q&A with Cavin Elizabeth Part 2

Image by Cavin Elizabeth

Do not do other people favors for your wedding. If there is something you want for your wedding, do what you want for your wedding

Listen to episode 389 of Bridechilla

Show Highlights

  • [1:46] Bridechilla Jackie asks how to work with a photographer, giving them guidance for what she and her partner want while trusting them to do their job well. 

  • [5:21] One key characteristic of being a bridechilla is treating people with kindness

  • [6:27] Chelsea asks about the rules of tipping your wedding photographer. 

  • [10:30] Cavin Elizabeth talks about the power of referrals

  • [11:57] What are some important issues that should be covered in a photographers contract. 

  • [22:41] Bridechilla asks for tips for dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics while trying to take wedding photos

  • [26:56] How to handle a difficult or potentially disruptive guest coming to your wedding

  • [28:00] When planning the wedding day timeline, how much do you involve the photographer? 

  • [32:16] How to handle frendors and family members who want to work for your wedding, when you don’t want them to?

  • [38:00] Cavin Elizabeth talks about her resources and how you can book her to photograph your wedding. 

Meet This Episode’s Guest

Cavin Elizabeth is an international wedding film and digital photographer based in San Diego. She operates a boutique studio with a focus on personal connection that makes couples more at ease while being photographed for their special day. This gives Cavin’s picture a natural, authentic and romantic look. She also wrote a book entitled A Bride’s Guide to a Picture Perfect Wedding that teaches brides how to get the most out of their wedding photography and have magazine worthy images. Catch up on Cavin's previous episode of Bridechilla, all about how to find the right wedding photographer for your wedding here. 

With thanks to our Bridechilla Partners

Show image by Cavin Elizabeth

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Styled Wedding Shoots

A Joyful, Modern Christmas Wedding Photoshoot

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Remy: This styled shoot is sure to spark those romantic and wintery wedding ideas for any couple who wants to have a classy, modern, and bold holiday wedding.

The vendors who helped on this shoot are in many ways the "dream team" of Richmond, VA because they all bring something beautiful and exciting to the table when they start planning for a styled shoot. Between the stunning floral designs of the ceremony location, the flower arrangements, the table settings, the bold red cake, and the couple that has an unstoppable chemistry, you are going to want to have yourself a holiday wedding for yourself!

The couple just recently got engaged in real life and it's easy to see that they are madly in love and have a very special, deep connection. Lindsey and her family are going through a tough time while her mother battles cancer. Peyton is there, loving and supporting her during this hard time. I admire their relationship and chose them to be my couple because I wanted them to experience something exciting together during this time of their engagement. I wanted them to have these pictures to remember and celebrate this time of their lives even when life gets scary.

The Rockstar Vendor Team

Photographer: Remy Thompson Photography

Event Venue: Bright Spot Coffee

Event Planner: Honeybee Planning

Calligrapher: Letterful

Bakery: Jae's Cakes

Floral Designer: Rose Avenue Floral

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James + Hannah’s Classic New Orleans Wedding in the French Quarter

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Bridechilla Graduate, Hannah and James were married in a joyous, musical, New Orleans wedding in the French Quarter at the Bourbon Orleans Hotel.

Tell us a little about you and your partner!

Hannah: James and I met back during my freshman year of college at his fraternity house. The polite way I worded the encounter for our website was: "Hannah was a little too shy for outgoing James at the time," which pretty much sums up being offered a beer by a young man in cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, and his skivvies best. He jokingly claims that's when I knew he was "the one." For the record, I declined the beer.

We ended up staying in touch well after college--always drawn back together after lost time somehow. After some turbulent times with both of our jobs, we found support in each other and things quickly built from there. We both share the same sense of humor, love a party, weirdly finish each other's sentences, and are obsessed with our dogs: a golden retriever named Maverick (pro tip: don't name a dog Maverick for he will live up to his name) and a wiener dog named Odysseus. If you must know, Odysseus runs this house.

Tell us all about your event!

If there's one thing we love about where we are from, it is Louisiana's unique culture that is steeped in celebration. We wanted to share what we find so special about our state, and what better city to do that in? New Orleans.

We picked a venue in the heart of the French Quarter, putting everything in the middle of the action. With my relatives scattered across the country (and some around the globe), we wanted to show them a true New Orleans time. With such a bounty of local musicians, priority number one was to have a live band. Scratch that--priority number one was to have a second line band.

The second line is a unique New Orleans tradition where the honored guests (bride and groom) and brass band make up the "first line" of a celebratory parade. With them leading the way, the guests follow along in what is called the "second line," strutting their stuff to the music and waving handkerchiefs in the air. One of the most fun aspects of the second line is how many people just join in the party as you parade down the street. We knew this would be an experience like no other for our friends and family from outside the area, and could not wait to share it with them.

Thus sums up our overall goal of our wedding: To make sure our guests have the time of their lives, get to experience local food and traditions, and create memories they will never forget. And if our pictures tell you anything, boy did we succeed.

Some other unique lagniappe: Our invitations were designed by a close friend of mine as a gift, and we had a groom's cake made to look like our wiener dog. Did we mention we like our dogs?

What was totally worth it?


A First Look - I swore I didn't want one, but due to struggling with anxiety in my life that was not necessarily related to wedding planning, we made the decision to move forward with a first look. I was like a new person when I saw him; the biggest weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm not going to be the one that's like "oh it didn't take away from seeing him at the ceremony at all!" It did. But I'm okay with that. I felt so amazing after I saw him and literally nothing else mattered after that moment. I got the most beautiful photos from that moment and cherish all of them.

The Wedding Coordinator - Our venue came with one and I honestly don't know what I would've done without her. I literally showed up to my wedding, no work to be done on my part. I spent my day drinking champagne and getting my hair and makeup done. Was there any vendor crisis that day? No clue. And I like it that way.

What was not worth it?

Don't worry too much about decor. I barely focused on it in the end and I don't think it's what anyone notices honestly.

Worrying about the opinions of other people. I say that because other people caused the most stress throughout the planning experience. Focus on your goals and priorities, find those you can confide in, and tune out the noise.

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

An unplugged ceremony. Our pictures turned out lovely and hardly anyone had the phones and cameras out anyway. Plus, seeing their pictures kept the wait for our professional ones bearable! It was definitely not worth the stress for us.

What advice do you have for other couples planning their weddings?

My greatest piece of advice that I play on repeat: Trust your vision and it will turn out more beautiful than you expected. (And hire a bomb ass photographer so you can see it all later.)

Bridechilla provided me a place to gush about all things wedding without getting clashing opinions from close family and friends. It provided a great place to vent and laugh about the absurdities of the planning process, like crying because the kerning on my invitations didn't come out right at the printer....you know...normal stuff...

James & Hannah's Rockstar Vendors

Photographer: Maile Lani Photography

Venue: Bourbon Orleans Hotel

Flowers: Thibodeaux's Floral Studio

Reception Band: G.O.T. Groove

Second Line Band: Kinfolk Brass Band

Bridesmaids Dresses: Bella Bridesmaids

Photo Booth: Flash & Geaux

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Carly and Nick’s Art Deco and Fantasy Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Bridechilla Carly shares her and Nick's art deco fantasy wedding which she describes as a the ultimate party hosted by J.R.R Tolkein and F. Scott Fitzgerald full of Lord of the Rings and Gatsby inspired details. Featuring photography by Bridechilla Wedding Directory members, Kivus & Camera.

Tell us a little about you and your partner!

Carly: Nick was and is the greatest surprise of my life. We met at a bar because mutual friends invited us to the same get together, we sat beside each other all night -- not really sure if we liked each other, until he asked me out for a late night cheeseburger -- post bar. We stayed out till 4am, driving around, going to gazebos to look at the stars, him twirling me around to Michael Buble, and singing -- it was like a damn movie. The first song I ever sang to him actually happened to be the Veggie Tales Cheeseburger song (in the voice of Mr. Lunt -- look it up, it's worth a laugh). I have no clue why he asked me on a second date after that but I sure am glad he did. 


He is the most compassionate, selfless, and SUAVE person I know. I think the story of how I knew I was in love with him is pretty telling of his character. When we first started dating, he had a nice thick winter coat in the back of his car hanging up from the dry cleaner. It stayed there for weeks, I didn't understand why he didn't take it inside or use it (it was winter, and COLD). He got a new car a month after my discovery (still winter), and the coat went right to the back seat.. so I finally asked why he had that coat still in the back of his car. His response moved me to tears. He very nonchalantly explained that: "there is a homeless man I always see on Tate St near my house, I've been meaning to give him this coat but I haven't seen him in awhile, so it's going to stay there until I do." That's all he said, then went right back to what he was saying before. I knew right then, that he was a truly special person. About two weeks after that conversation, the coat finally disappeared from his backseat. I never brought it up again, but I knew that meant it finally went to its new home. His compassion for others is something that still leaves me in awe of him, even now.


He proposed to me on a rooftop pool overlooking the skyline of my favorite NC city (Winston-Salem) after a day disguised as a "couples photoshoot." He originally wanted to propose in a field of sunflowers (my favorite flowers), but the week he wanted to propose... they all died due to the NC heat in July. So he had to make a backup plan since the photographer was booked. It ended up going swimmingly (haha rooftop pool jokes). Then he crammed all of our friends in his home for a surprise engagement party. It was magical.


Nick is a closet nerd hiding behind a three piece suit, while I'm just a nerd with a wardrobe like Ms. Frizzle. We're opposites, but it really works! Our weekends are spent as a Paladin and a Rogue going on adventures in Dungeons and Dragons, or taking nice walks through our neighborhood. We enjoy good whiskey, making fun of each other, and our family of fur babies (two rabbits -- Emerson & Arwen, and our blue point Siamese -- Sammi, who sometimes gets nicknamed as our Alien).

Tell us all about your event!

Oh man... our wedding. We have very different personalities and tastes, so we started there. We wanted to find a way to meld them. So I chose the ceremony inspiration, and he chose the reception. He's very glitz and glam, while I'm very earthy and outwardly nerdy. I chose a "Lord of the Rings" (my all time favorite book and movie series) inspiration for the ceremony, and he chose a "The Great Gatsby" inspiration for the reception. We wanted to meld my Elven princess feel with his Jay Gatsby suave.


A huge priority for the both of us was to produce as little waste as possible. We're both environmentally conscious, and we wanted that mindset to extend to our wedding. We decided to rent most everything (vintage gold rimmed china, center pieces, and other decor). We also wanted to utilize as many local vendors as possible. We made DIY fairy forest lanterns for the ceremony site, mirror signs we could re-use, re-purposed a vintage door as a seating chart (a key to your seat, with skeleton key beer bottle openers with table number tags), used a theatre schools backdrop for our "Love Couch," had a florist friend repurpose already used flowers for florals, DIYed book page boutonnières out of recycled copies of LOTR and The Great Gatsby. We had so many family members willing to donate reusable decor items, that we didn't rack up a huge carbon footprint for the wedding, which was a WEDDING WIN!

Carly & Nick's art deco fantasy wedding inspired by The Great Gatsby and Lord of the Rings - Photos by Kivus and Camera - www.thebridechilla.com


I made my now husband embark on a very Leslie Knope scavenger hunt in order for him to find his wedding present, and for me.. all day, randomly gifts would appear.

We did a blindfolded first "look" where we could still have a few private moments to ourself. Our wedding party walked us to each other blindfolded, let us have a few moments like that, then we turned back to back to read private vows to each other, with our wedding party far enough away to where they wouldn't hear.

The ceremony was officiated by a professional Santa, although he didn't come dressed as Santa. That's just a side hustle of his.

All of our ceremony music came from Lord of the Rings. Both my grandfather and step-father walked me to the beginning of the aisle, where they departed to their seats, and I walked down the aisle alone.

The reception, we did a beer cheers together instead of a cake cutting, and it was very us. We had enchiladas on fine china, and it still cracks us up.

I am sure there is plenty more, but my brain is losing its ability to remember it all! It was a perfect day.

What was totally worth it?

EVERYTHING. 100%. The year and a half of stress and planning was definitely worth it.

What was not worth it?

There was nothing that we paid for that we felt was not worth it, because we really utilized the FIB.

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

Cake, a real seating chart, a religious officiant, people's expectations/opinions other than our own, paper RSVPs, chair covers, uplighting, the "give away" portion of the ceremony, GIFTS - we didn't do parent gifts, "fancy" food, a normal guestbook (we did a canvas of a hobbit hole), a getaway car, formal speeches, LINE DANCES (we hate all of them and we made it clear to our DJ they were not allowed).


What advice do you have for other couples planning weddings?

Be true to who you are as people. Don't be afraid to have the nerdiest wedding on planet if that is what you want. Your wedding is what you make it, and only you can decide what "feels" right to you!

HIRE A WEDDING COORDINATOR. We almost put it in the FIB but we are so glad we didn't. We had 0 worries because our coordinator KICKED ASS.

Also, unless your FIL, FMIL, mom, dad, etc are paying for it, their opinions on your preferences aren't worth your stress.

Carly & Nick's Rockstar Vendors

Bridechilla Wedding Directory Members

Photography: Kivus & Camera

Other Vendors

Wedding Director/Venue: Melanie Newton of Carolina Country Weddings
Coordinator: Belinda Locke
China Rentals: Evermore
DJ: Marcus @ Coastal DJ & Video
Videography: Zack Fox & Chris Scarlette of Scarlette Fox Films
Catering: An Event to Remember
Floral Design: John Paulin at the Grassy Knoll
Bartenders: Bartenders Plus CLT
Officiant: Jac Grimes of All Faiths Officiants
Paper Florals: Anthology on Main

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Styled Wedding Shoots

Cozy Fall Family Style Wedding Inspiration

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Cozy, family style wedding inspiration for fall. Bring family and friends together over good food, great company, and spiked coffees.

Photographer, Krishna Sutherland, shares this bold, fall-inspired styled shoot perfect for lovers of pumpkin spice and cozy sweaters... and its anything but basic!

Krishna: Our goal was to combine a romantic fall look & add a cozy family style feel throughout. We chose a bold seasonal color palette of teal, raspberry, burnt orange & burgundy to tie together the floral designs and tablescapes.

For this styled shoot I was inspired by my love for the fall & obsession for bright beautiful colors. The changing of the seasons brings in some amazing deep colors but I always love that pop of bright color in the distance! The fall season also brings one of my favorite holidays, Thanksgiving, gathering families all together. We wanted to communicate that cozy feeling of home through our designs.

Rockstar Vendors:

Photographer: Krishna Sutherland Photography

Etsy Designer: The Chelsea Collection

Caterer: Ooh La La Catering GA

Floral Designer: Blossoms Florist

Equipment Rentals: Baileyroad Vintage Rental

Videographer: Images4Memories

Invitation Designer: Robbin’s Nest Design Studio

Makeup Artist: Jenny Rosalyn Artistry

Bakery: Red Balloon Baking Company

Ring Designer: Satterfield and Dempsy Jewelers​

Ribbon: Ribbons Nest

Apparel: Alexandra's Formals

Cake Designer: Make it Cake

Event Venue: Valley View Barn and Mills Events

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Liz & Andrew’s Enchanted Forest Wedding in an Airplane Hangar

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Bridechilla graduate, Liz, shares her and Andrew's enchanted forest inspired wedding at the Philadelphia Glider Council in Perkasie, PA.

Tell us a little about you and your partner!

Liz: For a decidedly non-stereotypical couple, we met in the most stereotypical of ways: at a mutual best friend's wedding. Andrew proposed after about 7 years of dating in Wales at the top of Mount Snowdon. I  studied abroad in Wales in 2009 so it's a place that is so very dear to my heart.

Tell us all about your event!

We got married at a private club/gliderport inside an aircraft hangar that my now-husband has been flying at since he was just 12. Priorities for the day were always to just throw a really good party that felt like us for our loved ones. Food is my favorite thing and my TOP priority was a delicious meal, so we hired the food truck (Local 215) first, and the photographer second as my husband is very particular about photography. My favorite part of the day was the ceremony (followed by the meal as a very close second) and I didn't think it would be! My husband really wanted to write our own vows, so we did, and had his friend officiate using a ceremony that we also wrote and it was just lovely. I also really loved our processional and recessional songs, Neville's Waltz from Harry Potter for the wedding party, Concerning Hobbits from Lord of the Rings for me, and we all walked out to the Cantina Band from Star Wars! I also splurged a bit on ice cream from a local place called Little Baby's. The flavors were chocolate salt malt, sour cherry honey, vanilla caramel cardamom, and sweet potato burnt marshmallow. I also spent months folding over 200 paper airplanes out of book pages for decor!

What was totally worth it?

EVERYTHING. More specifically, things I was on the fence about like a semi-fancy bathroom trailer, cocktail hour, ice cream, uplighting rentals (for $17 per light from DIY Uplighting!) etc. Even the paper airplanes I folded were a HUGE hit. I know you hear that people won't really notice the details, but I got more compliments than I can count on the details I wound up including. 

What was not worth it?

I worried a little too much leading up to the event about how people were going to behave as my family history is super complicated. But everything went perfectly, everyone was on their best behavior, and I gave myself not a few gray hairs for no reason.

What did you throw in the Fuck-It Bucket?

Liquor - we just had beer and wine, bartenders, fancy tables and chairs, china, silverware - I used high-end disposables that worked perfectly, real glasses - no one cared AT ALL, having the flower girl or ring-bearer carry anything, hairdresser, traditional caterer, a hell of a lot of signage (welcome sign, escort card sign, bathroom sign), bouquet toss and any and all wedding "games", formal entrance to the reception, formal photos during cocktail hour, ceremony readings, SO MUCH STUFF.

What advice do you have for other couples planning their weddings?

You cannot avoid everyone else's opinion (and OH GOD will you get so. many. opinions) but stick to your guns, follow your vision, and your day will be all you hoped for and more. Along those same lines, if you don't want something (for me a bathroom trailer felt unnecessary) but someone else offers to pay for it, and it doesn't negatively impact your vision for the day, LET THEM BUY IT. It's not worth the aggravation of arguing, and in the end it might wind up being the better decision. It's very hard to accept that you MIGHT not be right after all the thought and effort and planning you put into your day, but sometimes you MIGHT NOT BE RIGHT. <3

Liz & Andrew's Rockstar Vendors

Photographer: Shannon Collins Photography 
​Venue: Philadelphia Glider Council
Florals: Vault & Vine Events
Coordination:  KMT Event Group
Makeup: Maebee's Beauty Studio
Hair: Alison Scott Hair
Cake: The Frosted Fox Cake Shop
Catering: Local 215 Food Truck
Ice Cream: Little Baby's Ice Cream
DJ:  Soundscape Entertainment
Lighting: DIY Uplighting
Liz's Gown:  Maggie Stewart-Fritz

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Woodland Bridal Inspiration for Adventurous Folks

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Super chill, woodland bridal inspiration for outdoorsy types who crave self-expression and nothing but good vibes.

Today we are bringing you inspiration for the free-spirited and wild at heart Bridechillas. The team who produced this photoshoot wanted to channel that wildness into this woodland bridal inspiration. 

This styled bridal portrait session was set along the Greenways in Charlotte, North Carolina and features wild, garden style florals and bridal fashions that complement the adventurous vibe of the setting. The design team was inspired by the change of seasons, natural materials, and rich colors and textures. 

The designers and photographer behind this photoshoot are giving you permission to be your adventurous self on your wedding day and in your bridal portraits. Wear the comfy boots, break out your favorite moto jacket, and go for a hike, even if that hike happens to be along an urban Greenway!

The Rockstar Vendor Team

Photographer: Amy Ellis Photography
Event Venue: Charlotte Greenway
Cake Designer: Sweet Affairs Charlotte
Calligrapher: Samantha Meyer Studio
Hair & Makeup Artist: Bethany Grotz
Floral Designer: Bloom Wild

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A Modern, Citrus Inspired Wedding Photoshoot in Mesa, AZ

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha
Modern Citrus Inspired Wedding Photoshoot by Sara Bishop Photography at Gather Estate in Mesa, AZ | Bridechilla Wedding Planning | www.thebridechilla.com

Modern, citrus inspired details to steal for your al fresco wedding.

This sunny, citrus inspired wedding editorial is what Bridechilla dreams are made of. Modern, with pops of sunny color, and whimsical details set the stage for an intimate ceremony and al fresco, backyard inspired reception. And most importantly, full of ideas for you to steal for your own wedding!


Gather Estate is a vintage home in Mesa, Arizona that sits in on a citrus grove. Emerald green grass, peach fluffy blooms, and modern touches of matte black, grey, and white made for a chic and citrus wedding inspiration. Arizona citrus season is fall and winter, making this the perfect style and inspiration for this vintage orange grove home.



Showcasing the couple's personality and aesthetic through the event details was a priority. From the bride's pixie cut to the to the organic, hand tied bouquet, the goal was to exude elegance, fun, and genuine moments.

The floral designs introduce color and texture while still maintaining a more minimalist, natural vibe with a focus on greenery and pops of color.




The design team designed in a citrus inspired palette and worked to conceptualize a wedding design that could be in any couple's backyard. Bringing home to the wedding design, this inspiration feels like you are stepping out into your own cozy yard for your happily ever after.





Fresh oranges and kumquats were used in the design to carry the citrus inspired wedding details into the table styling. Fresh blackberries were used to bring in the darker colors of the palette and accent the bold, modern cake design. 








The Rockstar Vendor Team

Photographer: Sara Bishop Photography
Venue: Gather Estate
Event Designer:  Bloom + Blueprint
Design & Decor: Fancy Lou Designs
Calligraphy: Vodka + Hope
Attire: Bella Bridesmaids
Hair & Makeup: Stephanie Nault Makeup
Bakery: Suzy B's Homemade Goodies
With special thanks to Andrew & Ada Photography for supplying the jewelry.

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Bridechilla Podcast

337- Working with Wedding Donors aka your parents

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

Planning a wedding is a bit like participating in an election. Some people self-fund their campaigns and go it alone, while others have well-endowed donors who generously contribute to their cause.

Wedding Donors contribute financially to the wedding budget. This episode shares tips to working out money logistics whilst maintaining control and chill.

Accepting money for your wedding is akin to accepting political donations. There will be people who generously offer money with no requests, guilt or quasi-blackmail. There will be a lot of people who offer money but then want something in return – guest list control, to come to every appointment, to be copied on every wedding planning email.

This is not to say that these are conscious, well-thought-out manipulations triggered by some grand master plan to completely control your wedding, but more often than not the generous contributions by parents or family members can quickly go from “let us help you” to a political minefield.

Listen to episode 337 of Bridechilla

Working with Wedding Donors aka your parents

Photo by rawpixel 

Conditional generosity = faux generosity

I call this conditional generosity, whereby wedding donors generously offer you cash to help pay for your wedding, but it comes with strings attached. This fine print can be things like inviting a bunch of friends that you’ve never met, demanding you get married in a church even though you are atheists, and your mother insisting on shitty chair covers because she thinks the chairs look “tacky”. All of these are real-life examples from Bridechillas.

Perhaps you have experienced conditional generosity in other parts of your life. Someone is nice to you, but you realize that there is a catch, or that their niceness also brings them something. Perhaps you’ve been emotionally blackmailed, when you’ve done something because you think that if you don’t your friendship would suffer, or they will ditch you as a friend. I know I have, and most of the time I didn’t figure out what was happening until much later.

If some of your wedding donors are pulling these moves, there are solutions and ways to salvage the situation without big fights or any drama. I want to reiterate that I am positive most wedding donors don’t do this on purpose, but pulling these moves can cause more trouble and stress than not having donors at all.

Working with Wedding Donors aka your parents

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic

Let’s remember a few subtle but important things about parents, even if they are cool:

In the good old days, the 1970s and 1980s, it was still pretty common for parents to be hands-on with their kid’s wedding and fund it.

When our parents got married (if they did), your grandparents probably paid for it and “managed a lot of details,” including inviting a bunch of their friends.

Pinterest, donut walls, dudes as bridesmaids and ditching some of the formality are probably new concepts to them and challenging the way that they see weddings as a whole.L

Like all Bridechilla problem-solving solutions, this one comes down to communication. So much of the time we argue and get confused because of misinformation and misunderstanding different perspectives. Parents can feel like they are out of the loop and freak out when they don’t know things. They often assume that their kids are going to plan their wedding the way they planned theirs.  Without having access to info, they jump to these conclusions. So, if you don’t tell, they don’t know. When it comes to contributing funds to your wedding, it’s important to have a conversation about their expectations of that money. If you have this conversation, and yes I know talking about money can be uncomfortable, you will all know where you stand.

Questions to ask wedding Donors

  1. Is their contribution to be added to the overall budget?
  2. Do they have specific expectations for their contributions?
  3. Do they want you to pay for specific things – caterer? Wedding dress?
  4. Do they want to see receipts and spreadsheets?
  5. How involved are they hoping to be?
  6. Does this money come with conditions? Guest list additions?

Working with Wedding Donors aka your parents

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Help Donors to be involved without being too involved

I’m certainly not saying that you need to keep them abreast of all moves, decisions, and processes; however, making small changes to communication from the get go can solve a lot of issues. If they and you know how the money is going to be used, and you are open about it, that makes it a lot harder to get confused further down the track.

For many of us, we aren’t always going to agree with how money should be spent. Some people are reactionary and say things that are hurtful, or try and use their generosity to their advantage to get their own way. A typical emotional blackmail tactic is making you feel bad or obliged to do something because the other person has been so gracious to help you out (conditional generosity).

Often calmly pointing out that you are stressed and that their actions might be causing you to feel overwhelmed and pressured, can help them see your point of view and ease the situation. I guarantee if you lay it all out there, sit down with a cup of tea or vodka and have an open conversation about your expectations and the donor’s expectations, that you will all feel more informed and open to each other’s perspectives. Set boundaries. Understand who is paying for what. Are there limits? Are there strings?

If this isn’t something that you think you can do, or your parents or wedding donors aren’t into compromises or hearing your perspective, the simple solution is to not take the cash. Avoid the issues altogether.

Have the wedding you want without the obligation and pressure of having to answer to other people. Sure, their money might be helpful and give you more freedom to do what you want but to what end? Be bold. Open up and own it.

Show image by Gabriel Silvério

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Bridechilla BlogGuest Post

Helpful Tips for Including Pets in Your Wedding

by Aleisha
written by Aleisha

by Taryn Mountain

Pets are our family, and if anyone says otherwise, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life. So naturally if pets are family, we want them to be a part of our special day.  But before you ask your furry BFF to be your doggie of honor, here are some things you should consider:

Check with your venue to see if they allow pets and if there are any restrictions.  Many venues will have rules against pets on their facilities.  If your venue does not allow pets, do not fret, there are plenty of great ways you can honor your furry loved one, which I will list at the end of this article. 

The next step is to know your dog. Some dogs are really great at sitting for long periods of time, others… not so much. Know your dog’s limitations. Do you they overly excited each time they see you? Then be prepared for them to pull towards you down the aisle.  Do birds easily distract them? Do they bark at strangers? Do they have uncontrollable gas? That’s not to say you won’t be able to have your pup in your wedding, but depending on how easily distractible your dog is, you should consider getting outside help in the form of a professional dog trainer, ideally one very familiar with positive reinforcement techniques. 

 Moral of the story chillas: be flexible and make sure whatever you decide it is in the best interest of your pup and not just being done because you want them to be there.  Happy Days!

Photo by Minerva Photography

Let the Training Begin

Sure your dog is the best doggo on the face of the planet. He can sit, lie down, roll over, make you a pot of coffee. But being in a new environment can alter a dog's behavior, and having your dog in your wedding can be asking them to step outside their comfort zone. Even if your wedding is in your backyard, you are now surrounding your pup with unfamiliar faces, new tempting smells, and unusual noises (howling might sound beautiful accompanied with a string quartet but you probably don't want to find out). This means you need to start desensitizing your dog to all these different factors. Make sure your pup is well socialized and can handle crowds of unfamiliar faces. Outdoor malls and art fairs are a great way to start exposing your dog to these environments if your dog is ready to handle larger crowds. I recommend picking a day and time when it will be slightly less busy to gradually get them used to groups of strangers. You do not want to hypothetically throw your dog into the deep end before they are ready to swim.

Photo by Minerva Photography

Stay Flexible

One of the most important aspects to having your dog in your wedding is to be laid back and flexible.  Odds are if you are a Bridechilla you are already the chilliest bride or groom around.  It’s good to keep an open-mind and be flexible about your vision for the day, because there's no way you can predict every possible distraction that may occur during your wedding.  Great Aunt Tessie might be wearing a perfume that causes your dog to feel the urge to mark their territory, a squirrel may run across their path, or your officiant may look threatening to your pup. You can’t prepare for everything, therefore it is important to be flexible in your vision for your wedding day and to have a good sense of humor. If you are someone who is easily stressed about the slightest thing going wrong then, as much as you love your doggo, you may want to reconsider having your pet in your wedding.

An often-overlooked detail is making sure your dog has used the bathroom prior to the ceremony. When dogs are nervous they have been known to empty their bowels and you don't want your wedding party to be avoiding little landmines as they make their way down the aisle.

PRO TIP: Make sure whoever will be the dog handler for the ceremony has a spare waste bag or two in their pockets, in case of a potty emergency.

Your Dog's Handler for the Day

You are also going to want to be sure to assign a handler to your dog for the day.  You are going to be very, VERY busy on your wedding day, and as much as you would like to be the one responsible for your four-legged friend, it just may not be feasible. Instead pick a trusted friend or someone the dog knows (such as a familiar pet sitter/dog walker) to be in charge of your pup on your wedding day. That's not to say that you will not get to spend time with your furbaby as you get ready, but during chaotic times such as bridal party photos and the start of the ceremony, someone has their hands on your dog and is giving them the undivided attention they deserve. This person should also be responsible for taking your dog to wherever you have arranged for them to stay after the ceremony. Which brings me to....

Whether you decide to have your dog in your ceremony or not, you will want to make sure you have arranged ahead of time where your dog will be staying during your wedding. Whether it's a doggie day care, local boarding facility or at your house with a sitter, you will want to have a plan in place. Be sure all shots and medical information are up to date.

Other ways to include your pup!

If you have weighed your options and decided it would be in your dog's best interest if you did not have them in attendance the day of your wedding, then here are some other great ways to incorporate your furry loved one into your big day:

  • Include them in the engagement photo session
  • Incorporate photos of them in the table decor
  • Have "doggie bag" station with dog-friendly treats for guests to take home to their pet
  • Wear custom made socks with your pups picture on them
  • Personalized cookies/cupcakes modeled after your pet
  • Custom cake toppers featuring your dog

Moral of the story chillas: be flexible and make sure whatever you decide it is in the best interest of your pup and not just being done because you want them to be there.  Happy Days!

About the Author: Taryn is a member of the Bridechilla Community and can be found on her blog, A Crunchy Bride, writing about sustainability and eco-friendly, green wedding planning. 


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